| Elmer Pig Stories |
| The Case of the Malpeas Pigcon In a place called Pigmania, there is a shortage of peas. The only man who had a pigcon (a black pig statue) full of peas had it stolen. January 4, 1982 Today I was told about the theft of a "Malpeas Pigcon" in Pigmania. Due to the pea shortage in Pigmania, each pea is worth fifty dollars. This missing Pigcon had 1000 peas inside, making it worth a cool 50,000 dollars! When I found out that the reward for its return is $10,000, I jumped right on the case! January 5, 1982 After a good night's sleep, I flew to Pigmania (on a plane of course). I quickly found the mayor of Pigmania and asked him for their local "mug book." As I looked through it, I noticed a familiar mug: Butcher, a big boar I busted once before. I immediately went to his last known address to see if he knew anything about the missing Pigcon. I knocked nicely on the door, gun in hand. With no answer, I opened the door and spotted Butcher quickly grabbing his gun from the table next to him. "Elmer Pig," Butcher said slyly, "I never thought I'd see you come through my door after you got me busted and sent to prison. What a nice surprise...maybe I can even the score." "Where's the Malpeas Pigcon?" I asked quickly, nervously eyeing his gun. "That ain't none of your little piggy business!" Butcher growled, pointing his gun menacingly at me. "So get out of here before I blow your stinking head off!" I quickly went back outside, hearing the door lock behind me. Then I heard Butcher go out the window of his apartment. I quickly crawled into the vent above his door--hoping to get back inside easily--and found LPFB waiting for me: Bear and Alan Alligator waited for me to try to back out, while Lion, Panther, and Fox waited for me on the other side to try to come out in Butcher's place. I thought fast, but not as fast as LPFB. As I tried to leap over Alan Alligator, Bear grabbed me and slammed me down hard. They took me with them as they tracked down Butcher, obviously wanting the same thing I did: The Malpeas Pigcon. "Well, Butcher, you've done a good job stealing the Pigcon. Once you give it to us, you can be part of LPFB. Along with Panther, Fox, Bear, Alan Alligator, BBW, Beaky Bat, and myself, you'll share not only in the profits from the Pigcon, but we'll also give you part of this little piggy!" The Lion said, grinning prodiciously. January 6, 1982 I woke up to see the Pigcon right across from me. I quickly leapt up and grabbed it, running as fast as I could to avoid LPFB's pursuit. Once I thought I was safe, I relaxed and sighed, "now I can get the $10,000 reward!" Out of nowhere, the Black Pigger (you know, that guy in the black suit who moves like a jungle pig) jumped out and grabbed the Pigcon. "Not exactly, it's mine!" He shouted, running like a greased pig straight to the mayor to get HIS $10,000 reward. What a waste of effort for me! I guess it's back to the old drawing board for me. The Case of the Dead Dog An article in the local paper sounded rather ordinary, but was really rather odd. Of course, dogs die all the time--getting hit by cars or dying of old age--but this was a puppy and it wasn't hit by any stupid car. The coroner also said there was no poison or drug in the pup's body either...strange. January 31, 1982 Today I took the case. I didn't know what was so different about it until I read the above paragraph. Anyway, if I found out who killed the puppy, I was told I'd get $5000. I got on the plane to go to Barkansaw (where the pup lived) and went to sleep. February 1, 1982 Today I arrived in Dogville, Barkansaw. I went to the mother of Flopsy, the dead pup. My senses immediately told me that LPFB had something to do with it. I looked at Flopsy's body (the doggy casket was in the living room) and noted that the pup had been ripped apart. "Wait," I thought to myself, "stuffing coming out of a dog?" Then I knew what had happened: LPFB had torn a stuffed dog apart to fool everyone into thinking him dead, then taken Flopsy themselves. But why? I immediately looked for tracks, finding and following some outside. I found a big tree with a house carved inside at the end of the tracks. I went to sleep next to the tree to assure that I'm rested before peering inside and probably having to fight LPFB tomorrow. February 2, 1982 Today I went right inside to get Flopsy. I was immediately dumbfounded by what I saw: Alan Alligator sitting just inside with his stomach obviously full of the house's previous inhabitants--the Swiss Family Roberson. I sank into a momentary depression, thinking of my favorite story book people being eaten by that gluttonous gator! Then I saw Flopsy in the corner of the kitchen. I immediatley jumped up and ran over to him, happy that I could at least save him from LPFB! As I got to him, I was shocked because he bit me! Now I understood the whole plot: he wanted to be part of LPFB and didn't want anyone knowing that he was alive and part of the LPFB gang. I quickly ran out of the house (not wanting to be dessert), annoyed by the loss of another reward--it's not like his mom will pay for that news! |
| Stories 6 & 7 |