| Elmer Pig Stories Written 7/2/01 Story 16 |
| The Golden Pig Fiasco January 31, 1985 Today I heard some disturbing news: the female Golden Pig and her children were melted down by some unknown villain. I feel really depressed by the news because she saved my life once and it means that only one Golden Pig still exists. I'm going to go to sleep to keep from crying... February 1, 1985 Today I set out to find the only surviving Golden Pig. I'm determined to make sure that the species doesn't go extinct, though I already feel it's a fiasco--since there's only one left. Ah well, I'll keep trying anyway. February 5, 1985 The last few days were fruitless, but today I happened to run into Zot on the street and he agreed to help me. Now I felt like we had a fighting chance since Zot has x-ray vision. After about three hours, Zot found the Golden Pig in an abandoned car factory. I accompanied Zot to the site, happy that I would soon see my old friend. However, when we entered the factory, the Golden Pig seemed completely unhappy. He immediately pounced on me, pulling back his fist as though preparing to strike me. Zot shot a low-intensity laser beam from his eyes, hitting the Golden Pig in the arm just to get his point across--that he wouldn't allow me to be hurt. The Golden Pig backed away, cowed by Zot's obvious power. "Why are you attacking me? I thought we were friends!" I said as I picked myself up off the floor. "It's your fault that my family and me started trusting our fleshy brothers. We should've left this depraved city and now I'm all alone again." The Golden Pig said, obviously trying to contain his rage. "I don't know what happened, but I'm still your friend. I would never betray you, but I can't control all of my 'fleshy brothers.' Let me help you find out what happened and how to keep it from happening to you!" I said sincerely. The Golden Pig seemed calmed by my statements and told me the whole sad story of what happened to his family. What happened is that a bat insinuated himself into their confidence, pretending to be their friend, and even finding the father a job. Then, one day when the father was at work, the pseudofriend bat somehow tricked the Golden Pigs into going with him and he somehow melted them down, probably with the help of some other villains (maybe LPFB). By the time the father found out, they were already melted down, so he went into grieving--and hiding. Once he finished telling me what happened, I assured him that I would help him any way I could. Then I asked him to describe the pseudofriend. Once he did, I realized who it was: Beaky Bat. I began to doubt that LPFB was even involved. February 6, 1985 The Golden Pig and I headed out to find Beaky after a big of camoflaging--as Beaky knows me and the Golden Pig kind-of sticks out. I just wore a fake beard and mustache, but the Golden Pig took a bit more effort. We painted his hooves black, put him in an orange jumpsuit, and then a trenchcoat on top to cover his wings. Once we got ready, we headed out to find Beaky. The Golden Pig was able to lead me to their old home and, from there, follow the scent of his loved ones to the melting site. There, believe it or not, was Beaky. (We also saw most of the gold which came from the Golden Pig's family...making me further doubt anyone else's involvement.) Beaky started shooting at us almost immediately, but the Golden Pig stepped in the way. The bullets easily bounced off the solid gold pig, only damaging the clothing he was wearing. The Golden Pig tore off the trenchcoat, then flew toward the retreating Beaky. Unfortunately, Beaky managed to grab hold of a flame thrower, turning it on the Golden Pig. The jumpsuit instantly burst into flames, but the Golden Pig still managed to catch Beaky. The Golden Pig threw the bat across the building with such force that the impact with the wall killed him. I quickly helped the Golden Pig put out the flaming jumpsuit and was relieved that he was physically uninjured. However, I worried that psychologically he might not be so uninjured. "Are you OK?" I asked. "I hate killing, it goes against our very nature, but he left me no choice. I just can't help feeling that maybe part of me wanted him dead for what he did to my family..." His voice trailed off as the enormity of what he'd done hit him. "No, you mustn't think like that," I started, wanting to reassure my old friend. "Anyone would feel that way, but you really did have no choice." The Golden Pig seemed a bit less depressed after my comments, so we went to my house and went to sleep. February 7, 1985 Today King Mutt came over and invited the Golden Pig to come live in his guest house. I encouraged it, knowing that King Mutt has an unpenetrable security system--thanks to his vast art collection. (After all, some people may still think the Golden Pig an easy mark.) The Golden Pig agreed, telling us that he's decided to become more like us "fleshies": he's going to go by the name "Gordo," keep wearing the jumpsuit and painted hooves, and would like to be part of our detective agency. I happily agreed while wondering if maybe I should take on the second job of fashion consultant! |