Irwin took his inhaler and put on his clothes. He then went down for breakfast. He walked down the stairs and looked outside the window. He realized that it was dark. Irwin was afraid of the dark. He ran upstairs and hid under his covers.
Minutes later, he heard his mother's voice ringing in his ears. "Irwin, get your butt down here! You're breakfast is getting cold!"
When he heard her, he realized it was darker under his covers than outside. He decided to close his eyes. He forgot about breakfast.
"Irwin!" screamed his mother. "Don't make me go up there!"
"Coming mother!" said Irwin excitedly.
Irwin realized it must have been still been dark out. He wondered why. He didn't realize that he had his eyes closed. He made it through the door. He didn't trample on anything because nerds keep their rooms clean. He fell down the stairs.
"OWWWWWWIE! OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!!" Irwin screamed.
He slipped through the kitchen and sat in a chair.
"OWWWW!" screamed a voice from under him. It was his brother, Elroy.
"Didn't see you there," Irwin said. "You know, you could've turned on a light and-"
"You have your eyes closed!" Elroy responded nastily.
"Oh." said Irwin. He was so embarrassed. He finally opened his eyes.
Irwin went to his seat. He ate breakfast really fast. He pretty much swallowed it in one bite. He started choking. Elroy started to choke to. You see, Irwin smells really, really bad when he chokes. So, that�s what made Elroy choke.
Luckily, their mom knew CPR.
Irwin pretty much choked every morning. His mother was used to that. And of course, that meant Elroy chocked almost every morning too.
Irwin then left the house. He went to an alley where some of his �friends� said they would meet him there. He waited until the school bell rang. He thought that his �friends� forgot about him. But obviously, they intentionally left him there.
He walked into school late. Mr. Salcedo, his English teacher, was surprised. Then, he got his test results. Mr. Salcedo took off 40 points for lateness. Obviously, this meant he failed. Irwin cried. Mr. Salcedo sent him to the Guidance Counselor.
�I don�t want any crying students in this class!� Mr. Salcedo said firmly.
Irwin started to walk down to the Guidance Office.
�Do you have any lunch money?� asked a voice from behind him.
�AHHHHHH!� screamed Irwin. He then ran down to the Guidance Counselor.
He started to have an asthma attack. He forgot his inhaler at home. What a dope! Luckily, the nurse was wandering in the hall. She too knew CPR.
Then the bell rang. All the kids started to trample on Irwin, like usual. Then a kid said from nowhere:
�The Guidance was in a car accident you know. He won�t be coming in.�
Irwin put on a gay, constipated smile on his face. He Ran to his next class.
�But this was a few weeks ago,� continued the voice. �He�s coming back in a few minutes.�
Irwin�s next class was History. But today wasn�t any normal History day. Today, he got to work with George. Irwin had a George shrine in his closet. Actually, he had a shrine for all the kids in his closet. He admired them all, for something they have done.
�George,� Irwin excitingly said. �I work with you today.�
George thought �eww�. It was obvious that George hated him. Actually, everyone hated Irwin. Poor Irwin.
Then, it was gym class. Irwin hated gym. He thought that there was no point to it. I mean, he�s not going to do anything with sports when he grew up.
Today, they played kickball. He was picked last. Irwin thought that the last picked was always on the winning team. But he never tested this theory.
Finally, it was Irwin�s turn to kick. You see, it was close, 8 to 9. Irwin�s team was losing. Steve was on 3rd base, waiting for Irwin to kick. The whole team wanted to tie up the game, just so they wouldn�t lose. Better to tie than lose. Irwin ran to the ball, tripped, and fell in the sand.
�Go into the locker rooms!� yelled their coach. Steve threatened Irwin. Irwin just smiled his gay, constipated-looking smile.
Irwin was relieved it was lunch. Today, he was going to pay the cool kids his lunch money to sit with them. But he had a secret plan. He was going to eat, but not at lunch, when he came home! Mwahaha!
When he came to the �cool� table, Bobby immediately said, �If you sit here, you have to pay us your lunch money.� They were surprised when Irwin handed out his lunch money.
�Well, your going to have to pay an extra $0.50 for no reason whatsoever,� George said. Irwin gave them $50 mistakenly. They were pleased with the money, but not with the stench of Irwin. Irwin decided to sit next to George. George was miserable. Irwin tried to talk to him, but George never paid attention. Irwin didn�t notice he was too bust babbling.
Then, after school, Irwin followed George home. Irwin thought that they were friends. Irwin mentioned in lunch that he was going to follow George home in lunch, but George responded:
�Yeah, so whatever.� You see, George had bad listening skills.
Anyways, George took Irwin up to the bathroom. George showed Irwin soap. Irwin was amazed at this new technology. But Irwin didn�t know how to use soap. He just decided to take it home.
When Irwin came home, he realized he had forgotten about his dad and the Hyper Telescope. He shrieked. He ran to the garage (which contained dad and the Hyper Telescope).
�Irwin,� said his dad calmly, �where were you?�
�I was- I was�� started Irwin.
�You didn�t go to the Guidance Counselor. I got a call from school.�
Irwin thought that his dad was going to ask why he wasn�t there 10 min. ago when they were going to start the Hyper Telescope. Or at least a question on that subject.
�But the Guidance Counselor wasn�t there,� said Irwin confusingly.
All I know is that you didn�t show up,� stated his father. �What did we do wrong? Didn�t we raise you properly? Why? WHY?!� his father began to sob on the ground, kicking and screaming like a little two-year-old.
Irwin decided this was his cue to run to his room. He ran, but remember, nerds don�t run very fast. When he *finally* made it to his room, he realized it wasn�t clean. The first thing that came to his mind that would do such a thing was the clan of the bullies. They were the most primitive species Irwin knew. They camped in tents made of deer skins. The clan of the bullies made fire the old fashioned way. The most they knew about modern society was money. They stole money, took money, and bagged for money. They also beat up and stole things from poor, helpless nerds.
Irwin was scared. But he knew what to do. He cleaned up his room and hid under the covers of his bed. That�s a nerd's traditional thing to do if they are robbed.
Then his mom yelled, �Dinner!�
Irwin tripped down the stairs and landed onto the table where they eat dinner. He smooshed their dinner.
�Aww man!� said Elroy. �Finally we got fast-food and Irwin decides to sit on it. Typical.� Elroy loved fast-food.
�Irwin,� said his father firmly. �You�ve failed a quiz,� (Irwin thought, how did he know?) �got out of the Guidance Counselor�s hands, was late for school, and ruined dinner. This is the first and hopefully last time a Hughes� kid is going to ever have to hear this word come from my mouth. Grounded. You are grounded.� At that moment Mrs. Hughes cried, Elroy gasped, and Irwin was embarrassed and angry at the word�s fate. This meant that Irwin couldn�t finish his Hyper Telescope. This meant Irwin couldn�t even watch educational programs on TV. Irwin loved educational programs.
Irwin moped to his room. The only thing he could think is that he failed his father. A Hughes kid was supposed to be perfect. He just decided to go to sleep.
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