Hello Everyone,



The male who I am unfortunate enough to share living space with has been shown the yellow card.



Now Portia is a fair kind of woman who believes in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, however, the male's behaviour of yesterday went beyond all that can be considered reasonable...even by him!



I was sitting in my lair late afternoon yestereday with Our Father which art in Raynes Park.  The Father was doing his poor-old-pensioner act, trying to blag a lift to William's house to visit William and the sprogs before he jets off to sunny climes.  The Father was not getting anywhere with me, I was a tired lady who wanted to go home, sit in front of TV with feet up and stroke the cat.



But...I suddenly received a phone call from the male I share living space with - the male was far from sober, so - wishing to avoid this unedifying spectacle and the burbling idiocy that goes with it - I decided to give into Our Father's poor-old-pensioner act and go to William's instead.



Our Father could hardly contain his glee, having been a bit of a boozer in his time and was happy to accept a lift in the Portiamobile.



We got down to William's, had a nice chat, Our Father gave the sprogs the obligatory spends that Grandfathers are meant to give Grandsprogs and then after a while we decided to push off.



I dropped Our Father off to the station and told him that it was highly likely

that the male would be asleep and therefore very little bother to me.  Our Father, being a reformed boozer of titanic proportions told me differently.  He reckoned that the male would have copped the needle at me not being home and decided that this was perfectly adequate justification for pushing off to the pub and getting even more plastered.....I was not convinced by his arguments, so I bet him a fiver that the male would be at home, fast asleep on the sofa.  Our Father, only being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and not Gamblers Anonymous, accepted the bet.



When I arrived back at Chateau Portia, the lights were out, the doors locked and the cat wound furrily around my legs on account of being completely starved....and there was no sign of the male.



I fed the cat and then looked at my watch ... 8.30 pm.  I had a fairly good idea which establishment was getting the benefit of the male's presence, but decided that I would leave him to it.



So the cat and I watched TV.  We read a book, I fed him some more, I had a bath and the cat sat beside the bath crouched under a towel (odd, I know, but he likes that) and we waited for the male to come home.  I spoke to the male I don't share living space with and we speculated on the state the male I am stupid enough to share living space with would come home in.



Finally at midnight the eejut came in, drunker than several skunks and burbling complete nonsense.  As drunks do, he decided to sit me down and have an incredibly profound philosophical discussion with me and get distinctly shirty should my attention appear to be wandering. (Have you ever tried listening to burbling philosophical idiocy from some pisspot late at night? - not entertaining and extremely boring).  I managed to get the damn fool up the stairs and he started preparing, oh-so-slowly, for bed.



During his preparations for bed, he informed me that he had spent a lot of his time in the pub talking to his son.  This was all very interesting and I am glad to see the male spending time with his family - only problem is - he doesn't have a son! - I jest not.  I began to suspect at this point that the male had finally overdone it on the drink and decided to take medical advice.  I discreetly rang up NHS direct who were a teensy bit concerned that my old man had finally gone completely barking mad.  They suggested an ambulance, but as the male had passed out by this point, I decided against it.  In the course of my career I have dealt with many delusional drunks - so one more wont make any difference.



Sat up until 4am keeping an eye on him.



I woke up again at 8am realising that PAYBACK TIME had arrived.  So I put on my dressing gown and zoomed down the stairs to inform the male that one more repetition of this sort of behaviour would result in DIVORCE with extreme prejudice (AND I will be taking the cat).



I have not told Our Father about this because, firstly I do not want to ruin his holiday by telling him that his daughter is living with a delusional pisspot and second, and far more importantly, Our Father won the bet and will want that fiver!



bah!



Portia

xxx