Due to problems beyond my control this weeks picture jokes are cancelled, as you may have noticed certain background images are missing from odd pages here and there, hopefully the problems might be sorted out this week so again sorry to those hanging for our jokes.
The Pom.
Notice articles for publication on our site are despretely needed to keep our site worth visiting so if something that you might concider will make reasonable news or just trigger a distant memory and maybe a chuckle or two, pop it in to me at [email protected] and i'll add it to that weeks page.
Well it's about time we had a current listing of as many courses as possible on one medium that most can use.
The above CD will run in your DVD-Rom on your computer or if you have a DVD Player then this Video CD is for you.
Offered as a means of recalling all those who have been through an ADG Course and completed such.
Most images have been scanned from photo's sent in to me for includion on our web site or scanned from past copies of the Blue Beret.
This is presented in a Slide Show format and will allow you to freeze any one slide for more time to peruse.
Hopefully this CD will encourage more to our reunion next Anzac Day 2004 in Newcastle NSW.
To order your copy of this VCD enclose $20-00 inside an envelope and post it to the Pom at
Bob Cornwell
90 Station St
Weston 2326
New South Wales
Ph No 02 49 362 093
Doing this will include free postage to your address.
Read the news from Bagdad click above.
Believe It or Not
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from a flush. (Now, I keep my toothbrush in the living room.)
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven times.
Donkeys kill more people annually, in Europe, than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The King of hearts is the only King without a mustache.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright Brother's first recorded flight at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
The wingspan of the B-36, a retired, post-World War II USAF bomber, had a wingspan that was twice as long.
American Airlines saved $40,000, back in 1987, by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called eaglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first actor who portrayed the Marlboro Man on TV commercials.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes....so does Martha Stewart.
All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
The three most valuable brand names on earth are Marlboro, Coca Cola and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not down-stairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second President was William Jefferson
Clinton. Nuf sed.
And, the best for last......
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH MARS
Never again in your lifetime will the Red Planet be so spectacular!
This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars, an encounter that
will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded
history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.
Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit,
astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth
in the last 5,000 years but it may have been as long as 60,000 years.
The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within
34,649,589 miles and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in
the night sky. It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc
seconds wide. At a modest 75-power magnification Mars will look as large
as the full moon to the naked eye.
Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August Mars will rise in
the east at 10 p. m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a. m. But by the end of
August when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach
its highest point in the sky at 12:30 a.m.. That's pretty convenient when it
comes to seeing something that no human has seen in recorded history.
So mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow
progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share with your
children and grandchildren.
No one alive today will ever see this again!
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Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired
to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice
hotel and
take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get
back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands
them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the
standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains
that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center
that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the
Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the
shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New
York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man
again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager
replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man
replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay.
He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager. The Manager
is surprised when he looks at the cheque.
"But sir," he says, "this cheque is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for
sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the man replies, "She was here, and you could have."
I AM PIERRE THE FIGHTER PILOT (Well it is the Tour de France this week)
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for
a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and
says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on
Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on
her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I
am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really
steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much
lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it
in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and
dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams
furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly,
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"
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