Bumper Stickers

• I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
• Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
  
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
• Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
• How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!
• Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an ass.
• I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• If you want breakfast in bed, then sleep in the kitchen.
• Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
• Next mood swing: 5 minutes
• Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it!
• How can I miss you if you won't go away?
• You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
• Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
• Jesus is coming...look busy!
• My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
• Grow your own dope...plant a man.
• All men are idiots...I married their king.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Be nice to your kids...they're picking out your nursing home.
• Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else.
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