| Welcome to Madness
Hello there. Hi. Welcome to Fairview Mental Hospital. You�re new, I take it? Not to worry, I�ll show you around. This here is the common room, that�s where you�ll spend most of your time, when they deem you stable enough to be let out of your room. You�ll have to behave yourself in here, or you�ll cause an uproar, and have to go back to your room, and that�s no fun at all. About a year ago, this one fellow, named Tobias� he didn�t behave. Broke the mirror, had to find Alice, he said, through the looking glass. One thing to remember when you�re in here, watch out for the others. And no, I don�t mean the little green men who walk through walls, that would be Phil�s area of expertise. He�d tell you all about them if you asked. Which I suggest you don�t. Which is exactly what I mean. There are crazy folk in here, and not all as nice and cuddly as me. See them over by the window, watching the paint dry on the pavement three blocks over? Do not instigate conversation with them. More than likely, you won�t get a response, but if you do, it�ll be one to make your brains scramble right inside your head! No, Nurse Godwin, I�m calm. Yes, I promise. Anyway, where was I? Right. Now, if you find them window-watchers staring at you, for the love of God, do not stare back! You will no doubt find yourself locked in a amaranthine whirlwind of soulless ideals and infiltrated thought-forms! You�re skeptical now, but just you wait, you�ll see. I once lost an entire week, three pounds, and six ounces of high quality marbles! Sorry, Nurse Godwin. I�ll stop shouting. Right, okay. Next stop, cafeteria. Never allow yourself to be deluded into thinking that this is food. This is, in fact, what is commonly referred to in the toiletries industry as Sponge. Sometimes Sponge with gravy, sometimes Sponge in soup. Often, Sponge with Sponge. So, yes, indeed, eat your Sponge! But do not enjoy it. Imagine it is a fine cut of lamb, or a crisp Caesar salad, whichever you prefer, whatever it takes to keep chewing. For Sponge is all we have, or starvation, which is decidedly annoying. And the Sponge will not kill you, probably. Maybe. Except for maybe that one time� But never mind that. This is the Medication Distribution Center, or the Apothecary, if you believe you are Mercutio, which you do not. That would make you Edgar (the one with the lute), who you are not. But I digress. Here you will come, oppressively like clockwork, morning, noon, and night to receive whatever meds Head Nurse Godwin has arbitrarily decided to prescribe for you today. You would do well to swallow the pills without question, or Nurse Godwin may decide to prescribe something stronger. Like Thorazine. And unless you fancy being a limp noodle 18 hours of the day, avoid that option. Down that hall is where they kept the old electroshock equipment. They say they don�t use it anymore, new medical techniques and what-not, but sometimes late at night I still hear the screaming and the electricity flying, shooting through all their cells. They tell me I�m crazy, just hearing things. But I know I�m not that crazy. Don�t ever let them tell you you�re crazy. I mean, obviously, you had to be, to some degree, to wind up in our fine establishment. But if you know something is true, don�t let them blame it on random synapses firing. But really, I think you�ll fit in quite nicely here, as long as you don�t make a ruckus, or strike up a conversation with the wrong people. Speaking of which, watch out for Martha, she thinks she�s on the second voyage of the Titanic. Walk too close to her and she will whistle at you. Repeatedly. And it�s always the same whistle, like you�re something new, even after you�ve been here for weeks and months and years on end. But don�t let her fool you, nope, you�ll be old news before long. You�ll be just another cog in the broken machine of society. If, of course, by society you mean a bunch of lunatics who have lost most or all or their marbles to the ethereal whirlwind. Hello there. Hi. Welcome to madness. You�re new, I take it� |