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The Daily Diegest

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St. Paddy's Day Mahem!
By Katlin Sawyer
For weeks the Paddies had been preparing for an awesomistic St. Patrick's Day party that Prof. Tommy was planning to throw in the Paddington CR. As it turned out, it was more of a chaotic circus than an actual party! Was it an accident? Or is this the way Prof. Tommy really had things planned? Read on & then make your own decision...

The day started like any other except the Paddies awoke to a CR that had changed from the usual purple & silver color scheme to two-toned green hues. This immediately put everyone into party mode! Students began dawning as much green as they could possibly find & wishing each other Happy St. Patrick's Day. Breakfast was served by the house elves in the CR for the special day; most of it was some shade of green. The elves themselves were dressed like leprechauns & many times during the serving of the food they would stop & toss out gold coins to everyone saying, "The luck of the Irish be with thee today!" This was all a big hit, at least for awhile.

Once everyone was stuffed to the gills from the delicious breakfast feast & we had all had our fill of green butterbeer, Prof. Tommy decided it was time for an Irish Jig competition. Many moans could be heard throughout the sea of students who were too full to do any sort of physical activity at all. Prof. Tommy wasn't too happy about this & ordered us to dance or face his wrath. Most everyone began laughing since Prof. Tommy often jokes in this manor. Surely our beloved HOH would never harm a hair on any of our heads...right? Wrong!

I'm not sure if it was an overload of green butterbeer or some sort of spell that was cast over Prof. Tommy when gold coins were flying through the air, but our dear HOH pulled out his wand & pointed it at all of us, casting some sort of secret charm on us that made us all dance uncontrollably! As we did so, panic began to ensue as we discovered we couldn't stop! Students were crying & begging Prof. Tommy to take the charm off them while the music grew louder & Prof. Tommy began laughing maniacally. Echoes of his evil laughter could be heard resounded throughout the entire CR while house elves threw coins at all of us & kept shouting, "The luck of the Irish be with thee today!"

This all seemed to go on for an eternity before Prof. Tommy finally stopped laughing & raised his wand, bringing the entire fiasco to a screeching halt. Silence engulfed the CR while Prof. Tommy blinked a few times as if he was completely unaware of where he was. After a few moments of looking around at all of us decked out entirely in green looking the worst for ware with coins littering the entire CR, he simply said, "Clean up this unsightly mess & get to class."
Everyone was stunned but we did as we were told. None of us are sure of what exactly happened & Prof. Tommy refuses to discuss it. One thing's for sure...it's highly unlikely that any Paddington will ever celebrate St. Patrick's Day again!

Painting Disaster!
By Lana Laramie
In the dead of night, in the last week of March, some students decided to play an early April Fools Day joke. The next day the students and staff of Hogwarts awoke to find that every painting in the school had been turned around and that each portrait had had to face the wall through the night! Everyone was shocked at what had happened and while the Headmistress and Deputies discussed how to catch the culprits and their punishments the rest of the school worked together in reversing the damages. Classes were canceled and even with the entire school working alongside each other is still took up most of the day.

I went around that night and asked students why they think someone would do this. "Well, I'm sure more things like this will happen since it's around April Fool Day but I think the Headmistress and everyone would've been more accepting if it had actually been on the day," One teacher said. Some students actually did support the boring job or adjusting cranky portraits. "It was better than the test we were going to take in Potions!" One guy said "Maybe the people who did it wanted to get out of class." He went on to say. "I got to hang out with my friends all day." One girl shrugs. Other kids did not like the practical joke; "What a stupid thing to do!" An angry group agrees. "I find it very mean to do that to the paintings and to the school since we had to clean up their mess!" The leader says and her friends nod.

So there has been mixed opinions about the whole ordeal that arose the night before. The Headmistress had no real comments until she said "Everything was straitened out," but quickly said on the way to her office: "Kids are meant to do things like these, but that doesn't mean they get out a punishment."

Wild In the Streets
By Tyler Keegan
One of Paddington's newest members, Ariana L�we, hasn't been seen around the common room much lately. Recently I asked her why this might be & to my surprise her answer was quite unexpected! It seems Ariana has a strange affinity for running through streets acting like a maniac! Aparently she spends all her free time doing just such a thing in the nearby village of Hogsmeade. Trying to actually catch her in the act, I recently visited the village in hopes to catch a glimpse of Ariana in her finest moment. I must say I was not disappointed! It wasn't long after I got there a commotion could be heard a few streets away. I made my way to the scene that was unfolding as quickly as I could! People lined both sides of the street whispering among themselves & clutching their bags & children as tightly as they could while Ariana ran up & down screaming like a wild banshee, making faces at the crowd, & laughing hysterically. She seems quite amused with herself & didn't mind at all that she was the town spectacle. I overheard those in the crowd discussing who this crazy person might be. Some speculated she escaped from the mental ward at St. Mungo's. Others thought she might be an escaped convict from Azkaban. Still others argued that she is in fact nothing more than a derranged spirit that resides in the Shrieking Shack who only comes out once in awhile to reinact her ultimate demise. I wonder what they'd all think if they knew the truth? I've been told running around acting like a maniac is quite liberating. Who knows, maybe I'll have to give it a try sometime. If you hear any rumors that there are two crazy people in Hogsmeade, you can assume the other one is me.

Her Most Royal Bratness Swears Fealty to Her Most Royal and Former Senior Prefectiness
-Upper Lowly Court Jester of the Order of Miniondom
As long as the world turns, there will always be people vying for power. Of the many just leaders and tyrants throughout history, few have been as well known as two of Hogwarts' own, and none at such a young age. Throughout recent years, it's become apparent there are no others quite their equal - except Professor Opal.

Most have probably heard Her Most Royal Bratness, Zoey Taylor recently transferred to Gryffindor, forsaking her loyal minions to infiltrate Her Most Royal and Former Senior Prefectiness, Audrea Martin's territory.

Upon hearing of Zoey's unexpected arrival, and possible invasion by her army of goats, Audrea's loyal minions answered the call to arms, quickly constructing fences to hinder the goats' progress of eating all the green grass. Armed with Smarty Cannons and Atomic Fireball Crossbows among other various weapons, the minion army awaited their Mistress's signal.

However, Her Most Royal Bratness raised the white flag before the fun could begin. Walking into no man's land, accompanied only by one of her trusted goats, the future world ruler waited. Audrea, accompanied by her Upper Lowly Court Jester of the Order of Miniondom joined shortly there after to discuss the proposed terms.

After a long, grueling negotiation, Her Most Royal Bratness, Zoey Taylor, curtsied, and swore her allegiance to Her Most Royal and Former Senior Prefectiness, Audrea Martin before two witnesses two weeks before April Fool's Day.
Zoey would like to ask her former followers the following question:
Who's side are you on?

Kangaroo Scare
Flamingo Penny
A kangaroo herd stampeded through the Penshire Common Room late on Friday night. It has been reported that they are from the same herd that tried to kidnap one Teagan Kincade from the Hufflepuff Common Room last spring. Sergeant Flipper of the Department for Magically Enhanced Muggle Creatures at the Ministry of Magic investigated the situation last Spring but had no comment. Colonel Lyonel Itchie is in charge of the investigation this year, and all he said was, "I would prefer not to," when asked to comment.
Though both investigators refuse to comment on any discoveries or research methods, TK had a comment of her own. She only had advice to partake: "Never kick a kangaroo" It is plain that kangaroo herds are becoming a problem at PADs Hogwarts in the Spring. As it seems that this is a recurring event, I would advise any and all breakable objects be removed from the public areas. Please report suspicious kangaroo activity.

Dobby: Dangerous and Destructive
Crane
Recently it appears that the well known house elf, Dobby, has been going on an interesting diet. Dobby was up in the north tower recently to clean, the next morning all of the shiny teacups had disappeared. So what is Dobby's new found craze for shiny objects all about? What does he do with them? Well some can guess but I was determined to get to the bottom of this story. After a long investigation I found that Dobby was not only stealing shiny things, but also superglue and duct tape, and he was using it to make a statue of himself!! Lockhart!! What have you done to him?

Spring Fashions at Hogwarts
DobeeWon Kanobee
Of course the Hogwarts crowd will be setting the pace for most magical schools when it comes to spring fashions. Each house with its own since of what works and what doesn't for them. Here is the breakdown:
Slytherin - Greens! Of course this variation has many hues, from green apple, Kelly, and dark green as accents. Mixed with their cool color will be golds and silvers and a touch of blood red. Black is the new tan for the Slytherins, though spring you will find they use this color for more accessorizing.
Hufflepuff - Yes, the same old boring yellow, can they not think of something original? And yellow and gold? Please...so last year. They can't even think to punch up more black in their couture.
Penshire - Luckily teal is a good color for spring and carries well into summer. Being creative, they have added a dab of pink and copper which sets of the deeper teal well.
Gryffindor - Too bad they can't think of any variations as their house colors don't play well for spring and it seems they have no real direction when it comes to accents.
Ravenclaw - Its hard to do something with dark blue and it is not much of a spring color, though they are sporting loads of 'sailor' type outfits mixing in the white might make us forget they tried this last year.
Paddington - New this year, the house is doing wonders with purple, using dots, stripes and such. Can't say too much bad about their choices, let's see what they do next year though and don't do a repeat like the Ravenclaws.
So that's it folks, have a great spring...when it finally gets here.

Holiday Mix-Up
Teagan Kincade
At the Office for Holiday Creatures in the Ministry of Magic, a curious mix-up has occurred. The Easter Bunny, Cupid, The Sandman, and Kris Kringle showed up for a Holiday Creatures' Meeting early in the morning on April 1st. All Holiday creatures reported having received a letter that their holiday events and celebrations were canceled and would be brought up at the next Holiday Organization Meeting, usually held in early August. When asked about his arrival, Kris Kringle was reported to say, "It was a jolly good ride down here, but I can't see why they would want to switch up our holidays. Everybody knows Christmas is on December 25th." The Easter Bunny put in his resignation on the spot, reportedly saying that he had three dozen kids to feed and couldn't "afford this happening in the future." The Minister of Magic himself spoke with each of the holiday goers and ensure them he would personally investigate the perpetrator behind the April Fool's letters. When asked, the Minister of Magic had no comment about the investigation, however.

Where, or where can he be??
Crane House
Witnesses say that they witnessed the kidnapping of one of the world's greatest icons: the Easter Bunny. Walking down the street, the Easter Bunny was taken by a fat man in a red get-up, wearing a black ski mask. Spectators think that it was the work of Kris Kringle, otherwise known as Santa Claus. White tufts of hair were sticking of of the ski masks at all ends, just making the conviction of Kringle even stronger.
Detectives believe that Kringle was getting jealous of the Easter Bunny's popularity that was steadily increasing, threatening to be more popular than Kringle himself. A ransom note was found by the detectives demanding 10 gallons of milk and 30 pounds of cookies.

"Professor Snape"
By the House of Hufflepuff

Beware for he eats the first years
Reduces those poor Hufflepuffs to tears
He's the kind of guy who loves to hate
Look out! It's Professor Snape!

One time I had this dare
To go inform him of his greasy hair
Suddenly he gave me a look
And in my shoes I violently shook

I ran to the closet for brooms
where I hoped I could escape my doom.
But there I found Hufflepuff bones
and the remains of chocolate scones!

He made it to me just in time
For I had shouted out a rhyme
The bones flying through the air
To end the great escape affair.

And that was when I honestly knew.
I knew that my doom was true.
There was no way I'd survive
After Professor Snape had my hide!

Rather quickly I closed my eyes tight
trying to prepare myself for the first bite
I knew it would hurt when he took the first slurp
Then I could just see him letting out a big burp!

I patted myself down to see what was gone
And saw that I no longer had my socks on.
Could it be? Did he really prefer sweaty socks?
Because if that's true, then man, my life ROCKS!

"Professor Snape," I then said,
"I really just want to go straight to bed."
"Then go," shouted he, "I don't care!
So long as all you little kids beware!"

Wait,Wait! He didn�t put you in the stalks?
He really only ate your socks?
That's really such a shock,
To find out that he's all talk.

Top Ten Things Eaten or Drunk On St. Paddy's Day
By: Envy Midlight
Everyone likes to eat on a holiday. So the question is, 'What do people eat special on St. Paddy's Day?' Well, after talking to some folks, here are the top ten answers! The first 5 where from the students, and the last five were from Professors.
1.) Sprite and Seven Up in the Green cans
2.) Green Jello!
3.) Cupcakes and other pastries with green frosting
4.) Key Lime Pie
5.) Green Go-Gurt or regular yogurt
6.) Cookies shaped like shamrocks and hats with green sprinkles
7.) Chopped Spinach
8.) Pea Soup
9.) Cabbage
10.) Mint chocolate

PAD'S REMINDERS:

I apologize, when I asked her for some reminders, she told me to "Get the...out of my office, can't you I'm busy!" I cleaned it up a bit, but needless to say, with the END OF TERM coming, she is under a lot of stress!
So, I would suggest, DO LESSONS, finish up things and quit sitting about and get involved!

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S EVERYONE! HOPED YOU ENJOYED OUR FOOLISHNESS!
AND..........thanks everyone who sent in an aritcle, you made this issue our best April Fool's one.......EVEAH!