| The Owl Gazette |
| Issue: 34 Date: Sept. 2006 G |
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| Loads �a hugs! By: Kayla West The Slytherin Common Room was unusually empty, no students studying or hanging out. Suddenly Professor Snape came bounding in the door, wearing lilac robes and combing his hair! He was singing to himself with a huge grin on his face, when Kayla walked into the room and he ran over and hugged her! "Wow! Have I won a crossword competition?" asked a breathless Miss West. The Professor cocked his head curiously, and then said, "How would I know? I just felt like sharing hugs with everyone today." "Ah, that's fine then. I should go back to my game of 'Crocodile Dentist' with Sera. She's quite the tooth-puller, ya know Sir." "Sera?" he asked, "Where is she? I should hug her too." "She's on the roof, with that hairy Veela with the buck-teeth." "You were playing Crocodile Dentist with a bucktooth Veela? I must see this, lets go." And Professor Snape headed off toward the roof of the castle. "Kayla followed close behind, whistling 'She'll be Comin' 'Round the Mountain When She comes', and doing the occasional back flip. Sermara came round the corner. " Hi guys, what are you up to?" She ran after Kayla and Professor Snape as they ran off to the roof. The three arrived, together, to find a most curious sight! Sera, the buck-tooth Veela, and a Hippocampus were all confounded, while Jennifer Kull stood over them, brandishing a pitchfork, a bale of hay and a Johnny Mathis CD! She was cackling madly! The completely silly half-gorgon was causing the trio to do her bidding, making them dance on the bale of hay while moving to the music of the CD. The poor Veela was doing the Macarena while Sera and the Hippocampus Square danced together! The only thing the three that arrived could do was laugh at the sight before them. Jen was moving her wand around, making the poor confounded trio perform movements one would think impossible, when Darmean came bounding up the stairs to the roof, and was shocked by what he found. He stood there, not knowing what to do or say about the sight in front of him. Jen turned suddenly, noticing her audience, and when her eyes fell upon Dar, she instantly let the dancing trio loose of the curse, and ran over to hug her fiance. She ran up to Dar, hoping that he would forgive her for what he had witnessed. Sera, the buck-toothed Veela and the Hippocampus, having been released from the powerful hold the half-gorgon had imposed on them, looked around, confused and unsure of what had happened. Professor Snape stood there watching for a moment then went into action. He ran over to Sera, and gave her a big hug! "Oh Seraphina, my love, how can I compare thee to a Summer's day?" the future Mr. Rosehill stammered, wiping tears from his eyes and hopping on one foot. Sera was quite surprised by this random show of kindness from her beloved. Nonetheless, she decided to take advantage of this very public display of affection, and began to hula. The future Mr. Rosehill was quite shocked, but then decided to hula himself. The future Mr. Rosehill turned towards Dar, "can you hula?" he asked. "No Sir, I'm more of a 'Saturday Night Fever' person myself', Dar answered. "Watch" he added, and started dancing. Professor Snape clapped and smacked his knee in time to the music which was being played on a harpsichord by Saya Erikson. Then, Victoria Malfoy came to the roof, and began playing her banjo along with Saya's harpsichord. The music inspired the entire group, and before long, everyone was doing the Hula. When Jen broke out the limbo stick, people decided it was time to retire to bed, as they all had dentist appointments the following morning. |
| How Stuff Got His Groove Back
By: Kayla West Sem was bored, she wanted to play but she didn't know what. She decided to go to the 'Adopt-A-Llama' Agency on Moondew Avenue. She found a green llama and adopted him. She took her new llama home and decided that she should name it, but didn't know what. As the llama walked around inside the house, it became clear to Sem what she should name it. She would name it Marisole Animale Dannnicka Rochelle Raiyne Mistye Meaneder Bus Lopez the Third, but would call him Stuff for short. All of a sudden stuff ran out of the door, something had caught it eye. It was another llama that the neighbors had only bought hours before. It saw Stuff and started to dance. But unfortunately, it had begun picking its nose, and that was the final straw. Stuff ran back to the house and laughed. When the ferret came back, it thought Stuff was a horse and climbed on his back. Then they began to hack into Stuff's hotmail account, where they found out that Stuff was really an undercover agent for the French Mafia. "Where are my boots?" Stuff's grandmother chanted. "Someone get me my boots!" she yelled. "They're stuck in the toilet!" Stuff yelled back. "Of course they are, that's where I ALWAYS keep them, Stuff!" she replied. Stuff didn't want to get them out of the toilet so he got his machine gun and fired at it. When he was finished, the toilet had sprouted a huge pink mushroom from its door. The mushroom spewed fourth a thick, pink goo, covering the bathroom, and Stuff from head to foot. Stuff licked the pink stuff off. Then the mushroom stood up from the toilet and stomped out of the house in a huff. Stuff then realised that the pick goo was the best thing he ever tasted, so he ran after the mushroom and made it angry so it spurted out more goo, stuff set up a stall outside his house and put up a sign saying- 'Pink Goo for Sale - 50p a pot!' The mushroom got mad, stole the pots of goo, and ran off! Once the police were called, and an extensive report was given by Stuff as to the whereabouts of the pink-goo-spurting mushroom, all the officers did the Highland fling. Stuff watched in amazement as the officers danced around, he became agitated wondering when they were going to go and find his goo! "Have patience, Stuff", the first officer said. "Would you like some raspberry trifle?" Stuff didn't like the trifle so he spat it out and flung it at the policeman's face. The officers just laughed at his fit, and broke out into another round of the Highland fling, dancing this way and that. One policeman came up to Stuff and took of his mask and it was really his grandma!!! Stuff screamed when he saw the policeman peel his face off, but stopped his screaming when he realized it was his Grandmother. "You shot my boots!!" grandma bellowed " buy me some more!!" she demanded. "I will go buy you some new boots right now!" Stuff exclaimed, leaving immediately to go to town and buy some boots for his Grandma. On the way, Stuff bumped into a ant. Stuff was TOTALLY scared of ants so he ran all the way back to his grandma and jumped on her head. Grandma got aggravated by his hysterical behavior, and yelled at the poor Llama to get his butt into town and buy her new boots! Stuff was too scared to go that way again so he ordered a privet jet to take him. On the way, he met JK Rowling who told him that Ronald Weasley was in fact, a pod-person. Stuff didn't like the sound of pod- people so he jumped of the plane. Fortunately Stuff landed on a bale of straw and he was right next to the shoe shop. At the shoe shop there was a sale on shoes. Stuff brought some grandma's slippers And put them on .Then ran down a hall saying "I�m bored". As he ran around, Stuff found a Llama grooming shop and decided to stop inside. "Hola", Stuff yelled over the counter to the assistant, who was giving a llama a manicure. "Where can I find the goldfish?" The assistant pointed to the 'goldfish rubbing' area, and Stuff walked over and ordered a 'goldfish rubdown'. They rubbed the fish over his fur and before long; it was all silky and shiny. And that's the story of how Stuff got his groove back. |
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| There is a blazing fire going in the Slytherin Common-Room as I sit comfortably, waiting for my dear friend to show for her interview. It was sure to be interesting, as Kelsey Nevaeh, a most charming Slytherin student and fellow Confusion Hero, was never short of a story or two. This interview was sure to grab the attention of her housemates and indeed the entire school, as Kelsey, in our eyes, no matter how much we loved her, was an egg short of a Witches' Dozen. Kelsey Neveah didn't like...chocolate.
Interview with a Chocolate Hating Slytherin By: Kayla West My friend arrives ten minutes after myself, dressed casually in black, her trademark rainbow-colored wristbands in place. I greet her with a hug before we sit to commence our interview. Kayla: When was the first time you tasted chocolate? Kelsey: The first time I had chocolate; I was maybe 2 or 3 years old. Kayla: Did you decide instantly that you didn't like it? Kelsey: It was all right, not exactly my favorite, but every kid loves sweets! Kayla: Why exactly didn't you like it? Kelsey: A few months after my 6th birthday, my older brother Alexander, thought it would be fun to experiment his wizarding skills. He began transfiguring things, most of the time not fully. Well he decided to try it out on a mouse found outside our home, and changed her into a chocolate bar. Afterwards, offering the chocolate to me, I began eating as he watched. As I mentioned earlier, his skills we're not great, after about the third bite in, my candy bar sprouted a tail, which began to move. Needless to say, that was about the last chocolate bar I had... I suppose it wasn't all Alex's fault, the taste never was my favorite, a bit dry sometimes, other too rich. It just wasn't a favored taste. White chocolate, Dark, Milk, it's all the same really� Kayla: Do you feel left out when other people around you eat it? Kelsey: Not so much anymore, I used to, but now I let my imagination take over and all I can imagine is the bar changing for them� not too much of a pleasant image you know? Kayla: What sort of reactions do you usually get when you explain why you don't like chocolate? Kelsey: I usually try not to explain... I just say I don't like it, but people give me the weirdest looks. Some tell me I'm crazy, but I tell them I don't need them to inform me of that! My eyes dart to the Common Room door, which has creaked open ever so quietly. Seraphina Rosehill, a dashing second year Slytherin, enters, followed by Darmean Volten and Jennifer Kull, all notorious for causing mayhem and upheaval in the Serpent's Common Room and indeed the school. Each is about to shout their usual 'I'm Home! Attend to me!' greeting, when they notice that we are in the middle of an interview. They listen intently, before breaking out in identical grins that are all too familiar to me. Kelsey hasn't noticed their arrival, her back facing the door. We continue. Kayla : Have you ever been force-fed chocolate? What happened? Kelsey: I can't say I have, quite yet, but I do imagine it may happen soon... Kayla: You were also force-fed scones, weren't you? What happened? Kelsey: Almost� the most recent attempt was at our Summer Dance. Jen, Dar and Sera all decided to gang up on me. Worse? It was CHOCOLATE SCONES! So they cornered me, and tried to force, but I wouldn't let it happen. They then decided to hold my nose, so I couldn't breath, but I just held my breath. Thankfully there was a distraction, so I was able to gasp while they weren't looking. The three then used a giggling charm on me, so my mouth would be open, but that didn't work either. The scone just fell out because of my laughing! Eventually they gave up, and as far as anyone knows, I haven't had one yet. =) Kayla: Why don't you like scones? Kelsey: I honestly have no reason for not liking scones. When I came into Slytherin, they were all the rage; everyone in the house was eating them constantly! It just seemed too good to be true, that everyone would eat them, so I was a bit scared to try them. I have only had one� well two, and I'm not certain there will be any more for me! *Little does Kelsey know that Darmean Volten has produced several scones from his bag and is passing them to the two prefects, who are trying to hold in what looks like hysterical giggling, I try not to give in myself.* Kayla : Will you ever give scones and chocolate a chance? Kelsey: I won't say no, because there's always the chance, but I definitely will not say yes! Kayla: That's fine Kelsey, I'm sure this will make an excellent addition to the Owl Gazette. I have only one word of advice for ya, sweetie. Kelsey: What's that? Kayla: Run! *Kelsey shrieks with fright as her three housemates, who are using the same sly tactics as they did at the Summer Dance to try and make her eat scones, attack her. The poor girl, if only she would give in and embrace her heritage. As for those three? I don't know WHOM they get it from... |
| Questions and Answers with The Hufflepuffs by the Hufflepuffs (from the game wrong answer (because the right one's just too boring)) Q. how do professors get to school? A. On the subway, silly. Q. How did Cedric die? A. He ran into a fire hydrant, was thrown into the street and ran over by an 18-wheeler. Q. Who was Slytherin house named after? A. Godric Gryfindor Q. Who does Ginny go the Yule Ball with? A. Her brother Ron because no one will go with either of them. Q. Why is there and end of term feast? A. To celebrate Hermione's birthday. Q. Why did Ron's mom send him a howler? A. To tell him to tuck him his shirt. Q. What is Harry's owl's name? A. Slim Jim Q. What is Harry's mothers name? A. Severus now that wasn't boring was it? |
| 10 Random Things that Describe Professor Lockhart:
By: Zoey Taylor- Hufflepuff 1. Really can�t count 2. Wants an assistant 3. Likes hairspray bunches 4. Hogs his galleons 5. Has adoring fans 6. Is truly evil 7. Likes giving orders 8. Loves signing autographs 9. Dazed and confused |
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| Only in America....
By Jessica Lude Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America...do banks leave safe doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we don't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in package of eight. Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures". Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. |
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| The "INS" and "OUTS" this September
By Roxanne Whitez =Ins= Letting the aftermath of summer make you too lazy to get up for classes Munching on loads of sugary candies to make you too hyper to fall asleep Starting the new term with something fresh, like some new clothes?! Meeting your new housemates as they get sorted Greeting the Professors with a big wide smile as though you haven't done anything BAD this summer Setting the class stinking in dung bombs the very first day =Outs= Forgetting to buy your new school materiel Applying for a bunch of classes only to quit them later Coming to classes without a wand! |
| Ten Things to do to Cope With Boredom (in no particular order)
By Megan Miller 1. Watch a Disney movie, you know you still love them. 2. Sit down and read a good book. 3. Do a word search or crossword puzzle. 4. Invite some friends over and play a board game. 5. Put together a jigsaw puzzle. 6. Teach yourself how to do something new. 7. Take random, funny pictures of you and your friends. 8. Go for a bike ride or roller blade. 9. Spend some time with your family. 10. Get outside and play some kind of sport. |
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| The Top-Ten Reasons to be a Penshire
By: Danny Lupin 10. You can branch off and explore the unknown history of the house. 9. You get attacked by Squirrels on a regular basis! 8. Although you never win, you get chosen as the best Quidditch team. 7. You�ve got the best mother/Head of House 6. The Head Girl is in your house! 5. You have two students that are really 4 students, Schizophrenia! 4. SPAM is our favorite Topic! 3. Your better friends with fellow Penshire�s OOC then in! 2. You�ve got the Best Prefects in the School 1. Not only are you Creative, your brave, intelligent, Cunning, and trustworthy! |
| Top Reasons Why Slytherins Love Professor Snape
Taken from the Slytherin Common Room By: Seraphina Rosehill 1.He is tall, dark and sarcastic 2.He is totally the best teacher ever 3.Because he�s the best person here. DUH! 4.Because he�s got a six-pack 5.Because he can pull off a smirk better than anyone else I know 6.Because he secretly shares a love for Baby-bel 7.Because he�s our HOH 8.Because he hates the Gryffs. Mwahahahahaah! 9.Because he has the best sense of humor out of all the teachers! 10Because deep down he�s a goodie. Although I�ll totally deny that I ever posted this if I�m under oath. :) |
| Being a Hufflepuff 101
1. Professor Snape will always have more cauldrons to be cleaned 2. Your Signature is subject to change. 3. NEVER get on Zoey's bad side! 4. Stealing professor Lockhart's hair care products may sound fun, but he will ALLWAYS find more! 5. More than one party a week is quite normal! 6. Purple haired prefects always hold grudges! 7. Being random is OK! 8. Boys will NEVER conquer. 9. Spam is not only for the Spam topic. 10. If we get a little crazy that�s OK, we're Hufflepuffs! |
| Slytherins 20 Favorite Places in Hogwarts
BY: The Slytherin House 1.The dungeon 2. The Great Hall 3. The Broom Closet muh ha ha 4. Slytherin CR 5. Potions Classroom 6. DADA classroom 7. ANYWHERE Professor Snape is 8. The Astronomy Tower. *Looks around to shocked faces* what? I like Astronomy! 9. The forbidden forest *looks around for the professor when she says it* 10. Up top of Hogwarts *looks ay Kayla* ha Astronomy Tower that�s a good one 11.The Herb Garden 12. The owlery 13. The Quiddith Pitch 14.Snape�s dorm*everyone looks at kamron* what?? 15.the forbidden forest * they all look at Sem* what, I�ve never been in there 16.slytherin common room 17.The Black Lake 18. The Room of Requirement 19.the dungeon 20.professor Snape�s office |
| September's Top Ten Banned Gryffindors
By Megan Miller and Roxanne Whitez [A.W.D] 1. Jessica Lude for helping so much with the Owl Gazette. 2. Linda Danes for participating and getting to know more Gryffindors. 3. Zack Galman for being Gryffindor's most recent newbie. 4. Elizabeth for being more active around the house by joining the house clubs. 5. Roxanne Whitez for her love of pranks. 6. Megan Miller for her uptake of becoming House Reporter. 7. Aerwin Turner for helping her team out so much during the point-a-thon. 8. Audrea Martin for returning to the Gryffindor house and resuming her duties as prefect. 9. Adriana La Cerva for her constant posting in the games section in both the CR and the BB. 10. Kalie Black for finally returning to us after her vacation. |
| Ok....on to the last page...honest! Turn page... |