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The OWF camera's cut in "Funeral of Hearts" By H.I.M. begins to play over a series of wrestling moves in recent action. Love's
the funeral of hearts... The
funeral of hearts The beat picks up from Ville Valo's soothing voice and we leave with a shot of Angel holding his OWF title high in the air. -- LIVE PRE-SHOW HOUR 1 -- The camera's take you live to the front lobby of the staples center in Los Angeles, CA where a commentary table has been set up. Monkey's swing above the head of Toby Wilks who hunches down in his seat trying to avoid contact with them. Wilks - Its a freakin circus around here.. Seeesh... You hear the roar of an elephant in the background. Wilks - All we are missing is an ugly clown. Just as he speaks Ozric walks past the booth. Wilks - Wow.. I asked for that one.. Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to OWF Funeral of Hearts... That's me.. That's what I'd be saying if I where still an OWF commentator. Insted I'm forced to bring you... THE PRESHOW! His voice is one of less than amusement. Wilks - Anyway OWFites.. Welcome to the pre show to Funeral of Hearts.. Toby Wilks here along side a legend of this sport. A man who is known world wide for meaningless violence.. He is... Piter Svoboda! The camera turns just as Svoboda walks on set to take his seat. Wilks - Piter it's great to have you here tonight. I've always been a huge fan of your... "Not as successful as it should have been" career.. Svoboda - Thanks, Toby. I've always been a fan of your "not as homosexual as it seems to be" broadcast style. Wilks - Thank you.. Wait.. What? Piter coughs briefly, using his hand to conceal a grin. Svoboda - Moving on. Seems like the OWF has a great show for us here tonight, and let's not forget the man behind the show. The man without whom this wouldn't be possible. The man who will steer this brand through the 21st century and beyond. Wilks - Chuck Norris? Svoboda - No, you fool! Meca Blight! Wilks - You're right, Piter. For anybody who hasn't been keeping up, here's a quick reminder of how Meca Blight came to smash not just cats, but also the OWF power structure! Svoboda - That was some good gravitas. I really got into what you were saying. Wilks - Uh... thanks? Let's roll some clips! --- Flashback --- Meca points at his clipboard and smiles. DK looks down and grabs the pen. Prez DK - If I sign this will you go away? Meca nods and DK signs the paper. --- Flashback --- Svoboda - If I had known that was all it took to get Scott to sign a contract... Wilks - But wait! There's more! --- Flashback --- Meca out from behind the curtain with his hands in the air. The fans pop for him! He lowers his arms and presents a clipboard to Belcher. Belcher - Not him! He points to Meca and shakes his head. Belcher - What? What do you want? Meca hands him a pen. Belcher - I'm kinda busy right now. Belcher signs the clip board without reading through it, and the seemingly harmless Meca Blight waves to the crowd before turning and leaving. --- Flashback --- Svoboda - And to think that guy had the audacity to tell me my El Batmano gimmick was stupid. Wilks - Well, Piter, it... it kinda was. Svoboda - Stupid like a fox! Wilks - Yes. Well. Diamond Kid and Belcher weren't the only great wrestling minds Meca Blight fooled that night. --- Flashback --- Kozmo drops his mic and heads for the back. Instantly he's approached by Meca as he walks through the curtain. Kozmo - Wadda you want skuzbag? Meca points down at his clip board and rubs his stomach. Meca Blight - Doughnuts! Kozmo - Yeah why not.... Kozmo signs the paper and walks off with Alexis still around his arm. --- Flashback --- Svoboda - How many times did that guy win the World title? Wilks - Three. Svoboda - That was a rhetorical question. Wilks - All rhetoric aside, that left one owner for Blight to overcome. --- Flashback --- Chris Green is seen talking to some hot blonde chick. He is working his mojo like always and just then Meca comes running up to him Green - What do you want you freak? Meca - I just want you to sign this, can you meaner greener? Green - What the fuck is it? Meca - Just signing off on the firing of Natedoggie. Green - Fine. Green doesn't even look at it and signs off… Meca runs off. Green - So as I was saying. How bout we both head to my hotel room and…. --- Flashback --- Piter is seen poring through an OWF trivia guide. Svoboda - Did you realize that not only did both those geniuses lose their ownership rights to Meca Blight, but that they also both dropped the World title like it was hot to Silkk, of all people? Wilks - Silkk is a legend in his own time. Svoboda - Yeah, well I'm a legend in my spare time. Wilks - Which brings us to the climax of Meca Blight's master plan. Did I really just say "Meca Blight's master plan"? --- Flashback --- Meca Blight - You see, the only one calling the shots around here is ME! Thanks to the former owners inability to read things before you sign them.. I now own 100% of the OWF! All these years of DiK being a dick to me.. You didn't think I was just hanging around without a purpose did you? Fuck that! Prez DK - Meca listen... Meca Blight - No you listen DK! Its your turn to be the moron! Security... Escort this man! A group of arena security guards head down to the ring. Meca begins to laugh before gripping the mic tightly in his hands then turning to leave. --- Flashback --- Svoboda - Well, at least he's continuing the proud tradition of OWF owners saying the fuck-word on TV. Wilks - Yeah, the FCC really loves us. Svoboda - F the CC. The cameras cut backstage where we see Alexis Cage in her dressing room, her leg is on the bench in front of her and she's massaging it with her WoW title laying next to her. Theirs a knock on the door. She leaps up, grabbing her title before giving her instructions. Alexis Cage - Come in... The door opens and in walks OWF lead reporter Garrett Greene. Greene - I..... Hope I'm not interupting anything. Alexis Cage - Acctually I was getting ready for my match. What do you want anyway? Greene - I.. Just.. Wanted to tell you good luck tonight. Alexis Cage - Get outta my lockerroom perv. Greene - Pfff.. You know you don't desurve that title right? Alexis Cage - Excuse me? I am the first woman to join the OWF/WoW since it's reopening. That alone makes me a champion. Greene - It was given to you twice. Alexis Cage - You have two seconds to get outta my lockerroom! Garrett scurries to leave, closing the door on his way out. Alexis Cage - God I'm so sick of hearing that. Aphrodisia Jordan.. What a... Alexis glances up and cuts her sentence short as her jaw drops... She looks in the mirrow and catches a glimps of Eclipse stareing at her from behind. "Eclipse" she manages to squeek before quickly turning her head and then notices that her imagination has run away again. She breaths again and the scene cuts back to the pre show commentary booth. Wilks - Eclipse might have only been with the WoW a short time, but she left her mark on one WoW superstar! This past month the OWF lost alot of talent.. Including one individual that really sticks out. The legendary Nick Burst! It must have been cold there in my
shadow The screen becomes fuzzy then cuts back to 1998 where a younger poorly dressed Nick Burst with a large mustache is sitting behind a wooden commentary table next to former commentator Bobby Schavonie. Its a slow motion frame and Burst is laughing and pointing while jumping on his tip toes as Juvi is falling 20 foot to the mat from a christmas tree. So I
was the one with all the glory The screen flashes and takes you to 1999. Nick Burst is being seduced by OWF reporter Jackie Kissens and loving every moment of it as he sits with his hands in his lap with Jackie Kissens biting his ear. His eyes are rolled back in his head and he has a huge smile on his face. Did
you ever know that you're my hero? We flash again to 2001, Nick Burst is pushing Meca Blight away from him as Meca and his doughnut glazed hands try to embrace Nick with a hug. It
might have appeared to go unnoticed We cut to a still frame of Burst with his arms crossed and a pouting expression on his face. Another still frame blends into it showing Jesse Williams with the UOWF title. Did
you ever know that you're my hero? We cut to a shot of Nick Burst slapping Toby Wilks in the face with a plastic purple dildo and it freezes on Nick's smile then zooms in. I can
fly higher than an eagle Did
you ever know that you're my hero? The final slide comes in with a "In Loving Memory Of Nick Burst. 1965-2007" We cut back to the commentary table. Svoboda - You uh... You know he's not dead right? Wilks - He is in my heart.. You see a tear roll down Toby's face and he whipes it away with his index finger before continuing. Wilks - Fans we have a huge event for you tonight and we are only about a half hour away from kicking off Funeral of Hearts, OWF's newest pay per view. But we do have some issues to address that involve several wrestlers who decided they'd rather not stick around the OWF, they'd rather try their luck elsewhere, even after being handed spotlight! Svoboda - This forced the overpaid executives to create some last minute decisions for the show tonight. Wilks - So now we will break down some of the matches for you and inform you of some of the last minute changes. The 4 way elimination tag match has been canceled as the OWF decided to release all four of the young men from their contracts. Svoboda - Loser leaves the OWF, winner recieves a contract.. I wish it was that easy for some of us.. But for Kaige and Tim Slate, those will be the stipulations as its Father Vs Son! Kaige got his point across to the OWF executives that Slate was a "Wash Up" multiple times after jumping a guard rail and telling the world what he thought! Wilks - The Public Display of Aggression title is on the line as "The Misfit" Spaz faces off against Ali Khadafi inside Vivid Studios! For those that don't know, Vivid Studios was a big part of creating such porn stars as Jenna Jameson and Brianna Banks! Svoboda - I thought for sure you'd name guys. Wilks - What do you think I am? Some kind of flaming homosexual? Svoboda - .... Wilks - You.. You know what? If your gonna just sit there and make gay jokes then I... I don't even wanna be a part of this. Svoboda - Sorry. Wilks - Yeah.... Yeah... And I'm not gay! Svoboda - Sure. Surrrre thing. The lights in the entire arena go out and a red light covers the arena, a chopped and screwed voice comes over the intercom above. "Expect Me Like You Expect Jesus To Come Back....I'm Comin" The scratching of a record is heard as if on a DJ's turntable and then more words come. "I'm
the man in my city ain't nobody fuckin wit me The scratching of the record is heard again and the voice is once again heard. "Expect Me Like You Expect Jesus To Come Back....I'm Comin" The lights cut back on and the arena is the same as everyone just looks around wondering what just happened. Wilks - I'm not sure what or who is doing that but its a little creepy. Next up on Funeral of Hearts it was scheduled to be Greg Jackson Vs Ozric, its unfortunate that Greg Jackson will not be able to make it to this event due to a car accident he was in this morning. The accident was not real serious but Greg has been advised that he is not to wrestle for at least a week to make sure whip lash did not play its part on him. Svoboda - Sooo. They just canceled a match.. No making up for it? Wilks - Hey it says "card subject to change" that's all you need. Svoboda - Humm.. Loophole eh! The scene cuts to the backstage area, and we stop in front of a door. In bright red font are the letters HF. The corridor is empty in both directions, but we hear footsteps coming from around the corner. Eventually the OWF World Champion, Angel, comes casually walking into view. His title is draped lazily over his shoulder and his hands are shoved into his black jeans. He stops in front of the door. Without knocking he turns the handle and it creaks open. He steps inside. On a bench in the corner of the dirty, unorganized locker room, is Plague. The contender. He looks weary and out of it, bandages covering his body from his latest escapade with Angel. Blood is soaking through some of them. Angel pretends not to notice Plague and walks over to a mirror on the wall, looking at himself and getting psyched for the upcoming match. Plague's voice drifts to him in a low and dry tone... Plague - This is the HF locker room. Angel - What the fuck's that supposed to mean? Plague - You know damn well what it means cocksucker. Get out. Angel - Fuck you. Plague - You think-- Angel - Who the fuck died and made you boss, huh? Last time I checked, you were the one who stabbed ME in the back! So you get the fuck out! Plague rises to his feet with building anger. He approaches Angel who does not back down... Plague - Listen you ignorant punk. You don't know what it means to be HF. Angel - If it means stabbing your friends in the back, then I don't want any fucken part of it! Plague shoves Angel hard with two hands, and Angel stumbles backwards. He stares down Plague and nearly burns a hole in him... Angel - You do not want to go there. Not now. Plague - And why the fuck not rookie? Whaddaya gonna do? Angel - I'm telling you right now Plague. Back the fuck off. Look at you, you're in no condition to fight. Save it for the ring asshole. Plague - You know, you're not the hot shit you think you are. Your just a paranoid little chicken shit. Angel - Plague... Plague - And you will never be HF. Angel rushes at Plague and shoves him hard in the chest, causing Plague to stumble backwards. The two charge at each other and lock up in the middle of the locker room. This has become a high school brawl. They start rolling around on the floor, trying to hit each other with punches. Angel gets on top of Plague, and punches him in the face, only to have it reversed and have Plague do the same to him... Plague - I'll kill you motherfucker! Angel - You backstabbing piece of shit! The door bursts open and three security guards come rushing in. The two men continue to roll around ferociously as the guards try and pry them apart. Two of them seize Angel by the arms and toss him to his feet. Plague slowly rises, wiping a small drop of blood from his mouth... Plague - See you in hell. Angel - I'll be waiting. Security Guard - Let's go pal, enough is enough. Let's get a move on. Angel offers one last glance at the man that will be traveling with him through the three stages of hell. He picks up his belt and slings it over his shoulder as he walks out of the room. Plague stares at the closing door with fire in his eyes. The scene fades... Wilks - Next up is the cruiserweight title match. Dios has already said that after this match he will be leaving the OWF for other career oppertunities. I'm sure he'd like to go out with a win! Svoboda - Amanda has really progressed over the last few months, this should be a good match. Wilks - Brian Lemay will get his shot at the Network title against Draco. Lemay has been making his point clear this week on the OWF network.. Heres a small clip. --- Flashback --- Lemay - Easy I'm gonna make this guy so ugly when I get through with him, It's gonna look like his face has been put through a cheese grater. Trust me Moe, America thrives on out of the ordinary things, And I promise you Draco will be out of the ordinary when his little girlfriend Aphrodisia sees him Monday morning. This guy comes out here makin snow bunnies thinking hes a god damn author, (mimmicks Draco) I'm Draco! I'm so crazy! I'm going to hurt you. My belt's in my gym bag. I just need the paycheck. (stops mimmicking back to normal tone of voice) What are you a title prostitute, Whats you're theme music Draco, "He works hard for the money?" I mean you should be greatful you got a shot at the belt, Yea so you kicked Overdose's ass, But he was just a moron like yourself jackass. --- Flashback --- Wilks - Lemay is confident that's for sure. We'll find out in just a little while who will walk out Network champion! Dunt Dunt Dunna Dunna Dunt Dunt Dunnnnnnaaaaaa.... The camera's cut to the back, two circus midgets are cheaping sandwhiches, behind them is a man in spandex pants juggling knives. Meca Blight is sitting on the bench clapping his hands to the music in the background. Meca is interupted as two men step into the scene and asks him where he wants the giraffe. Meca points to the doorway leading to the stage. Prez DK - Meca! What the hell are you doing? You can't keep just... blowing money like this! Your gonna go bankrupt. Meca points to his name badge. DK shakes his head and shame. Prez DK - I'm sorry... MR BLIGHT. You can't keep wasting money, this promotion is on a tight budget! Meca shrugs his shoulders then licks his fingers then turns his attention back to the midgets and the juggler. Prez DK - Why do I even try.. I may as well go back to dealin dope. DK walks away ashamed of what his promotion has become. The camera's take you back to the lobby. Wilks - Mr. Blight is turning this place into a circus! I dunno how much DK can take of this non sense. Svoboda - Lets continue this count down on the matches. The WoW title match will kick off the first of 3 main events! Is Alexis Cage the undesurving champion? Wilks - It was handed to her twice.. I say yes. We'll find out for sure when she takes on Aphrodisia Jordan in WoW's first buried alive match! Svoboda - This is a first for me. I've never seen two women face in a buried alive match! Wilks - WoW really premotes their talent in brutal matches. Next up will be the first ever Glass Cell match. Its a hell in a cell built from glass. Svoboda - Blood blood and more blood. Thats how we will be describing this one tomorrow! Wilks - The tag team champions NUTS will take on Kara and Glacier with the titles on the line in a giant fish tank! We cut to the back once again as Spaz is entering the arena. The fans show him respect as he walks towards his dressing room. Suddenly from the side he is rushed by Ali Khadafi. Khadafi pushes him face first into the wall, Spaz's ciggeratte flies out of his mouth and blood immediantly begins to gush down Spaz's face. Ali Khadafi - I'll save the rest for later! Spaz tries to regain himself and Ali exits the scene. Suddenly from the side we hear.... "SANGRISSSSSSMOOOOO!" "The Handicap Champion" Tad O Minor falls from the roof.. SPLAT! He lands next to Spaz. Suddenly Spaz notices the position he's in and scoops up his title. He smacks Tad in the face with the title then turns the corner... But only to run into Mr Good who grabs Spaz by the throat. Spaz resorts to kicking Mr. Good in the groin. Good releases his hold and Spaz pushes him out of the way. Spaz - ALI! Get your bitch ass over here.. Payback's a mother fucker! Wilks - Spaz avoided the NUTS attack. Svoboda - Wooooah.. Wow that.. You just shouldn't talk sometimes. Wilks - Whatever man. Thats NOT COOL. Tonight's main event will be sort of a rematch of Clash of Champions, but with different terms. The OWF title is on the line with the champion Angel defending against his tag team partner... Plague! Svoboda - Lets take a look at The Exiles and the fued they've been caught in. --- Flashback --- Clash of Champions 2007 Plague stands up.. Angel attempts a superkick! Plague ducks it and grabs Angel's leg, he spins Angel around... Both men leap at each other.. DOUBLE HOOKING CLOTHESLINE! They are both out cold with their hands over each others chests. The referee looks confused and counts! 1...2...3! Falcoon - I don't get it.. Who won!? Senior referee Andrew Caps leans over the ropes and whispers to Missy. Missy Janson - Here are your winners... and DUEL OWF Champions... Angel and Plague! Falcoon - What the hell!? Burst - We don't do that crap here! Falcoon - Are you serious? BLAH! Thats poop! They have to share the title!? Prez Storm - Wait a second.. wait a second! This isn't Absolutly Shitty Wrestling! Prez Storm is standing on the top of the tower of death watching what has just happened. Prez Storm - We don't do duel champions in the OWF! Let the record show they did both win the titles... BUT RIGHT HERE TONIGHT.. ONE of you will walk out the OWF champion! Restart the timer! Angel and Plague.. come over to the tower boys! Because its Angel Vs Plague for the title RIGHT NOW.. TOWER OF DEATH! Throw that title up here and I'll hang it up. Later in the Show Angel catches up to Plague! They are on opposite sides of the metal chainlink cell and climbing up at the same speed. The reach the top, Plague is scouting his options and waits for Angel to try to climb across the trap door. But Angel stops and swings himself hard against the cell. He does it again, this time he kicks the cell! The unsuspecting Plague loses his grip! Falcoon - OH MY GOD! Plague has fallen from the top of the upper cell to the middle metal cage! He falls down from the top of the second cell and lands on the caging below which servers as the top for one cell and the bottom for another. Angel climbs over, the trap door gives in! Angel nearly falls through but catches himself on a steel beam. He walks over softly ontop of the upper cell and steps up a ladder.. It wobbles back and forth as he tries to keep it steady... Plague is not moving at all. Angel climbs the ladder and grabs the OWF title!! Missy Janson - Here is your winner...... AND NEW OWF CHAMPION!!!....... ANGEL! Feb 5th, 2007 Plague is laying in the middle of the ring absolutely lifeless, and Spaz makes his way over to the turnbuckles. He starts to climb, setting up for the Spazm, when all of a sudden the OWFtron starts to flicker static. Spaz stops on the second turnbuckle and looks up at the screen, confused and cautious. After a few more moments of static the screen clears and we see Angel's face behind the plate glass window of a jail visiting cell. Spaz looks around wildly as the crowd starts to boo... 1... Falcoon - The champ! Thats such raw footage, looks like someone snuck in a camera. Angel - Hey Spazzy! Up here dipshit! Spaz jumps down off the turnbuckles and stands in the center of the ring, his head tilted towards the screen... 3... Angel - Unbelievable...as soon as I'm not around to keep you on your little Spazzy leash, you start causing fucken problems like a little girl throwing a god damn temper tantrum. Spaz starts to become enraged, screaming and cursing at the OWftron... 5... Angel - Look...there you go again. Who the fuck wants you around anyway Spaz. You're useless, you're pathetic...nothing but a burden for the rest of HF... Spaz continues to curse at the camera, and the fans start to boo. Plague is slowly rising to his feet behind the unsuspecting Spaz... 7... Angel - And one more thing you talentless bastard...When you fuck with Hell's Fire...We fuck you harder! A sadistic grin spreads across Angel's face and he starts to chuckle, trying to patronize Spaz... Angel - Don't look now little buddy! Angel points towards the camera as he continues to laugh, and then it immediately cuts off with the sounds of his laughter resonating through the arena. Spaz looks up at the screen confused and Plague now stands behind him... Spaz realises that the count has stopped but its took late... THE VACCINE! Spaz hits the mat as he's dropped by a superkick. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 Feb 19th, 2007 Jackson gets back up to his feet and turns toward Angel who has a sickly grin on his face. Angel moves forward and tries to boot Jackson in the gut, but the Blackjack catches and spins him around. The crowd is on their feet cheering for Greg and he leaps up onto Angels shoulder's for a hurricane rana, but Angel catches in time and tosses him into and Insiders Edge position, before turning and slamming him down into Angels Redemption ref slides in for the pin... Missy Janson - Here is your winner... Angel! Angel holds his title up before Spaz slides into the ring and smashes him hard in the rib cage with the bat. Plague leaps to his feet and charges in, ducking the bat blow aimed at his forehead from Spaz. Plague turns quickly and smashes his right hand into Spazs face sending blood spraying all over the mat. Plague shakes his right hand out and it is seen that he still has the brass knuckles on his hand. Plague walks forward and extends his left hand out to Angel who still sits on the mat holding his rib cage. Angel slaps his hand away and gets up on his own, once up he slams both his hands into Plagues chest pushing him away. Apparently angry, Angel throws a right hand at Plague who dodges around and slams the brass knuckles twice into his rib cage, sending Angel down to a knee. Falcoon - We are seeing the fall of Hells Fire unfold in front of us! Angel plays possum before grabbing the bat that Spaz left behind and swings it wildly around smashing Plague in the shoulder. He stumbles in the ropes and Angel steps up and takes another swing with the bat aimed at Plague's face. Plague catches the bat and smashes his left hand hard across Angel's face. Falcoon - Its an all out war! These stable mates.. Tag partners.. best friends torn over a piece of gold! And I LOVE IT! Angel stumbles backwards, still holding onto to the bat. Angel runs forward with another swing, but Plague is ready for him and ducks the blow and sends Angel head over heels over his shoulder to the mat. Plague swings around and begins the smash Angels face repeatedly with left hands, eventually raising his right with the brass knuckles. Plague closes his eyes and is is about to bring it down when Spaz comes too and kicks Plague hard in the ribs. Spaz picks up the bat and waits for Plague to get up, but turns in time and catches Angel hard in the face with it and is about to hit Plague with it but gets hit with a Vaccine for his troubles. All the while Greg Jackson has climbed to the top rope. Plague looks at the two men around him and shrugs his shoulders and turns around to see Jackson flip off the top rope and hitting Plague with a Blackjack. Jackson slides out of the ring. Jackson picks up Spaz... He plants Spaz with a DDT! Falcoon - Two down... Jackson approaches the champion... He pulls Angel to his feet and drags him towards the corner, Greg jumps up to the top rope... Black Jack on Angel! --- Flashback --- Wilks - So much friction between the partners. Svoboda - Hard to believe the chaos a piece of gold can bring. Wilks - Then earlier tonight we saw Angel and Plague involved in a scuffle. Who will walk out OWF champion? Svoboda - Are you gonna play the highlights from earlier tonight? Wilks - Nah.. All they have to do is scroll up.. Svoboda - Oh. Uhh... Wilks - We are moments away from the start of Funeral of Hearts, we have to go backstage one final time before we leave. From all of us here at the OWF Network.. Enjoy the show! Just as the pre-show begins to wrap up the camera's cut backstage to the back door of the arena. A security guard stands tall checking ID's as they come through. He stops a stylish man with dark glasses and a hat on. Security Guard - Excuse me sir.. Who are you? The man looks up and smiles as he shows his pass. Man - The name's Chase Johnson... But you can call me..... "Prez" AAAHHHAAAAA The man slips his pass back into his pocket and smiles as he adjusts his bag and heads through the hallway.. The OWF logo spins and we go live inside the arena to Funeral of Hearts on Pay Per View! |
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