The camera opens on the Canada Dome in Ontario Canada. People are lined up along the sidewalk as a gentle snow falls. The streets have been blocked off, allowing the crowd to fill for nearly two blocks. Something begins to bustle. The crowd parts and the camera drops down, zooming in on the Asylum. Selrack, Darkstar, and Red Dogg stand in basic swimsuits, grinning ear to ear. Under his arm, Selrack holds a surf board, and he looks at the snow with general disappointment. Bull comes busting through them, in only a set of europeon bikini breifs and his mask, then pauses to apply some suntan lotion before laying down in a rather large snow drift. Selrack and Red Dogg begin to toss back and forth a beach ball, trying to play volley ball against Darkstar and Chill. After some time, Chill scores the winning point and Selrack walks inside, his head hung low. The camera reopens on the commentary table. Mr President, Mancow, and Larry King sit there, with an extra seat next to Mr P which is currently empty. The MVW logo rips through the screen and Mancow adjusts his headset.

Mr President: Hello everybody, we're here in Ontario, Cananda, and we've got an enormous show planned for tonight. If anyone knows how to do Pay Per Views, it's the MVW, so all you people trying to watch this scrambled, give it up. You'll never know what you're missing. Just pay the money. It's worth it.

Mancow: Now we've got a great lineup tonight. Alot is at stake. I don't even know where to begin. I think, from an American standpoint, alot comes down to tonights huge US Title match.

Larry King: But the Tag Titles Match has been in the makings for some time. And things are really heating up there.

Mancow: And when two of our hottest realitively new faces meet for the first of three times, things are going to get intense.

Larry King: All in all, I'd say that tonight is going to be one huge match after another. And this first match is going to start things off in a big way-

Mental Warp by ICP starts up over the PA. Selrack steps through the curtains, his Darth Maul facepaint shining brightly and clashing perfectly with his green swimtrunks. Selrack walks towards the ring, then pauses and turns to the commentary table.

Selrack: Do you mind?

Mr President: For you? Never.

Selrack takes a seat next to Mr P and the two shake hands for a moment. Selrack fastens a clip on tie to his hemp necklace, and grins.

Selrack: How do I look?

Mr President: You look great. You nervous?

Selrack: Not at all. I've done guest commentary before. And it's an honor to be here tonight.

Mr President: We're happen that you've made MVW your mainstay for so long. You've always been a big part of our federation. That's part of why I'm so proud to make you MVW's July Hall Of Famer.

Selrack: Really? [whipes away a fake tear] That's so sweet. So, what's up first?

Mancow: We've got a Lightweight Title Match. Hazard is getting his first chance at gold, and with the passing on of Mr Hardcore...

Larry King: ...may he rest in peace...

Mancow: ...Hazard seems willing to go to no limits. He's become almost obsessed.

Geraldo: The following Falls Count Anywhere match is scheduled for one fall and is for the MVW Lightweight Championship. Introducing first, the challenger, accompanied to the ring by Leann and Big Bad Alex, weighing in at one hundred ninety-nine pounds and hailing from Daytona Beach, Florida, Haaazaaaaard.

Soul of a Soldier starts up over the PA. The Mr Hardcore image appears on the ViolenceTron. There is a moment of silence. Then Hazard bursts through the curtains, blowing down the isle and completely bipassing the fans. The arena gets very silent as he pauses for a moment at ringside in prayer.

Geraldo: And his opponent, the reigning MVW Lightweight Champion, from Boston, Massuchusets, Piiiteeer Svooobooodaaaaa.

Switchblade Symphony's Chain starts up over the PA. Piter Svoboda steps through the curtains. The crows starts to cheer. He takes a bit of a bow, then unfastens his Lightweight Title from his waist and hoists it above his head. Fans scream ecstatically and Piter makes his way to the ring. Piter rolls into the ring, bowing his head humbly towards Hazard where he prayers. Hazard comes up with a cheap shot, catching Piter off guard. The bell sounds. Hazard hooks Piter up, driving him down into the mat with a DDT. Hazard measures Piter for just one second, then drops down with an elbow. But Piter raises a knee, catching Hazard in the ribs, and both men get to the mat. Hazard grapples up with Piter, who in turn brings a knee up into Hazard's groin. Hazard buckles over and Piter goes to the ropes, springboarding off the bottle rope, and coming back at Hazard with a cross body block. Hazard catches Piter, maintaining his balance, then tosses him back with a fallaway slam. Hazard rolls Piter to the outside, taking the match to the concrete. Piter stands up, looking a bit worried. Hazard grabs for Piter, but Piter steps back and catches Hazard with a drop toe hold. Hazard goes down, face first into the concrete. Piter steps up onto the ring apron, measuring Hazard while he gets back up. Piter comes off the apron with a shooting star press, catching Hazard over the shoulder and driving him back into the safety rail. Hazard stands back up, looking posessed, and grabs Piter by the ear. And Hazard drills him into the ringpost. Piter looks momentarily dazed, and Hazard takes advantage of it, dragging Piter further away from the ring. Up the isle and out the rear exit, both men now stand in the rear parking lot. Hazard irish whips Piter around, sending him onto the hood of a car. Piter stands back up, leaping off the car with a missle drop kick into Hazard's chest. Hazard goes down and Piter fishhooks him, blatantly tearing away at Hazard's face. Hazard forces Piter back and both men get to their feet. Hazard hugs Piter around the midsection, squeezing the air out of him. And Piter bites down on Hazard's ear, spilling blood. Hazard lets go, holding his head for a moment. Piter glances about the parking lot, then hops up onto a car's bumper to flip at Hazard with a huricanrana, planting him into the concrete. Hazard again gets back up, taking an incredable amount of punishment from Piter, and Hazard gets a running start and knocks Piter to the ground with a crushing shoulder tackle. Kneeling on Piter's chest, Hazard hammers away at his face with punishing blows. Piter plants his feet firmly on the ground and bridges up, causing Hammer to roll off. They face off, each man crouching low to the ground as they circle each other. Suddenly, a paniced look enters Piter's eyes and he dives off to his right. Hazard takes Piter's cue and lunges to one side, barely avoiding a quickly moving black stretch limousine. The limo screeches to a halt, and its doors fly open. Piter and Hazard both rise shakily to their feet, watching in fearful awe as a small army of short, muscular Chinese men in expensive suits and sunglasses erupts from the car. Bringing up their rear are three slightly taller men, dressed similarly but wearing black masks. One carries a blowtorch, one is holding a cattle prod, and the last has a small, sharp scalpel gripped in either hand.

Piter: What the f*BLEEP*

Hazard: No. Not now...

Piter turns towards Hazard, extending his hand.

Piter: Truce?

Hazard hesitates a moment, then grabs Piter's hand.

Hazard: Truce.

Piter smiles, then turns to face the advancing mob. Alex and Leann both close in, tossing aside their agreement not to get involved, and Hazard steps up front. The mob attack. Hazard grabs the first guy, whipping him over the hood and into the windshield of a nearby car. Alex levels a man with a superkick, then pulls him up for a Big Bad Drop. Piter leaps into Hazard's hands, who springboards him into the air with incredable strength. Piter flips. An Impressive Display Of Agility! And he nails one of the mob members with his elbow against the skull and drops the man. Mob members pounce on Piter while he is standing up, forcing him down against the concrete and stomping his head into the curb. Blood spatters from Piter's mouth and nose as his face smashes into the concrete. Hazard pulls a man off of Piter, but gets a fist to the jaw which staggers him back. With numbers, the mob men overbare Alex and Hazard as well, pulling them down and stomping away at their ribs and midsections. The mob men back up a bit, while Hazard and Piter struggle to their feet. Alex holds his abdomen, apparently seriously hurt.

Hazard: Shit, where's Leeann?

Alex: She was just here... wasn't she with you?

Hazard: Leeann!

He's answered by a piercing scream. Next to the limo, one of the three taller men has Leeann's neck tightly gripped with one arm. Next to her head, he's holding the blowtorch. Standing in front of him and forming a triangular formation are the scalpel man and the cattle prod man, poised like coiled springs, ready to fly into action. Both are grinning ferally.

Blowtorch man: Don't move, or she will die.

Hazard: Leeann!

The man with the blowtorch drags Leeann into the limo. Hazard takes a cautious step forward. As soon as he moves, the man with the cattle prod pounces, knocking Hazard over and giving him a sustained jolt of electricity. Piter runs toward the man holding scalpels, taking to the air with a front dropkick. The other man smoothly sidesteps, moving his scalpels in a lightning fast flash of steel. Piter hits the ground hard, landing on his back. He rolls over and attempts to push himself to his feet, a pool of blood forming beneath him. The scalpel man casually kicks him in the face as he walks toward the car.

Scalpel man: Come! We must go.

The cattle prod man reluctantly leaves Hazard, who is writhing in pain, and gets in the limousine. The engine revs, and the limo speeds off into the night. Piter crawls to his hands and knees, blood seeping through his fingers clamped firmly over his cut. He looks at Hazard, who is not breathing. Piter begins chest compressions. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. Four one thousand. Five one thousand. Breathe. One one thousand. Referee Adam Nichols notices how Piter is technically draped over Hazard, and makes the manditory three count before rushing off for more medical attention. Hazard coughs and sputters, blood kicking out from his mouth and over his shirt as he takes a breath.

Hazard: ...Le... ann...

Geraldo: Your winner and still MVW Lightweight Champion, Piiiteeer Svooobooodaaaaa.

Larry King: What was that all about? I knew that Hazard was having alot of personal problems, but that was outright criminal. What's going on here?

Mancow: I don't know, but do you think this could have something to do with Mr Hardcore's murderer?

Larry King: Well, Hazard did say he knew who'd done it, and Hazard is far from a rational man. Right now, somebody wants to shut him up.

Mancow: How's Piter Svoboda fit into all of this?

Larry King: Well, I think Hazard just won alot of Piter's respect. And they seemed to share a common goal in this fight. And they seemed to almost work well as a team.

Mancow: Better than some of the Tag Champions we've had as of late.

Selrack: Hey, it's not my fault. Jackal just refuses to be part of a team. Like somehow because he's held those belts for two and a half months, that makes him better than us.

Mancow: Jackal's the greatest Tag Team wrestler of all time, hands down.

Larry King: If he's so great, why doesn't anyone want to tag with him?

Selrack: He's not a team player. I mean, I just wanted to give his belt to Darkstar, and suddenly he gets all defensive. Then, when I betray him and jump him, he acts like he can't trust me. Now I ask you, is that the kind of relationship you expect out of Tag Team Champions. I say 'Nay'.

Mancow and Larry King turn to Selrack for a moment, who is standing in a very presidential looking stance. Selrack grins for a moment and both Mancow and Larry break up laughing.

Selrack: I cannot tell a lie.

Tears roll down Mancow's face as he laughs harder and harder. Larry falls out of his chair and rolls on the floor. Selrack sits down, tapping the note cards in front of him and maintaining an aura of professionalism.

Selrack: Okay, what's next?

Geraldo: The following is match one of a Best Of Three Matches series for the MVW Television Title. Introducing first, the challenger, Shaaadooooow.

Fuel by Metallica starts up over the PA. The lights dim and Shadow steps through the curtains, the silver buckle on his title belt reflecting the blue spotlights. Shadow makes his way to the ring, very slowly and deliberately, and steps into the ring over the top rope.

Geraldo: And his opponent, the Master Of Revenge, Staaarkeeeeer.

Freak On A Leash by KoRn starts up over the PA. Yellow sparkler pryos burst up the isle as the audience waits for Starker to appear. No one enters. Shadow turns to look up the isle, seeming impatient. The lights raise. Starker is standing in the ring behind Shadow. Starker nails Shadow with the TV Title belt. Shadow falls into the ropes and gets tied up for a moment. Starker nails Shadow again, then tosses the belt off to the side. The bell sounds. Starker drags Shadow out of the ropes, lifting him up and scoop slamming him into the mat. Starker pulls Shadow up by the hair. Shadow buries a powerful forearm shot into Starker's midsection. Starker doubles over and Shadow nails him with a varient DDT. Shadow pulls Starker back up, setting him on the top turnbuckle. Shadow starts climbing to the top. Starker shoves him and Shadow topples off the turnbuckle. Starker stands, coming off the top with a guilitene legdrop. Shadow rolls aside and Starker hits nothing but canvas. Shadow pulls Starker up, lifting him into a vertical suplex. They go crashing backwards, Shadow dropping Starker on the backof his head, and both men lay prone for a moment. Shadow covers Starker. 1... kickout by Starker. Shadow pulls Starker back to his feet. Shadow lifts Starker up onto his shoulders. He steps up onto the top turnbuckle. And Shadow drops off the top with a death valley driver. Shadow pulls him up one more time. ShadowStorm! 1... 2... 3...

Geraldo: Your winner, Shaaadooooow.

Selrack: Is this becoming a pattern?

Mancow: What?

Selrack: These evil gothic guys losing matches and wearing belts.

Larry King: Well, this was scheduled for a Best Of Three. Starker's still in this thing. He's got two more chances to beat Shadow and retain his Television Title.

Mancow: But he's got his work cut out for him. He can't slip up from here on out. He just used up his only chance.

Selrack: Let me tell you something. I'm the best damn two time US Champion that was never hit by a semi MVW's ever had. And I never had any free chances. If someone beat me, they won my belt. Of course, I don't need extra chances. I never lost a singles match... ever.

Mancow: That was quite the career you had here in MVW. You were never defeated in singles competition.

Larry King: You earned that Hall Of Fame spot, Sel. You earned it.

Selrack: Thanks Larry. And if there's ever anything I can do for you, I probably won't.

Larry King: You know, Sel, I was just sorta wondering... is Chill blue everywhere? I mean, I know you walked in on-

WHAP!

Chill, still outfitted in a bikini lands a powerful spin wheel kick to the back of Larry's head which knocks his face into the table. Deciding that cowardice is the better part of valor, Larry plays possum and Chill surprisingly leaves without even a word being spoken.

Selrack: Come on. Come on. Let's get to my part.

Geraldo: The following Retirement match is scheduled for one fall with the winner gaining Stardust. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Master and Stardust, Apoooooc.

Clubbed To Death by Rob D starts up over the PA. Apoc and Master step through the curtains. They pause for a moment, but Stardust is nowhere to be seen. Apoc and Master make their way to the ring, the music thumping out into a dull echo.

Geraldo: And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by Stardust, Kiiid Dyyynaaamooooo.

Cowboy by Kid Rock starts up over the PA and Stardust steps through the curtains. She pauses for a moment to pose, the guestures to the curtains. They burst open as Kid Dynamo steps through, his rings twinkling in the spotlights. The audience starts to cheer and Kid breaks into a dead run towards the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope, Pete Rose style, but Master catches him by his ankle, holding him down. The bell sounds and Apoc moves to stomp on the Kid. Kid kicks back into Master's head, sending him down on the concrete for a moment, then rolls out of the way as Apoc tries to crush him with a massive foot. Apoc stomps again, but Kid rolls between his legs and comes up behind him. Kid drop kicks Apoc in the back, sending him forward into the turnbuckle, and then Kid starts to climb up onto Apoc's shoulders. Apoc brushes the Kid off, slamming him down to the mat, then drops a huge knee down into Kid's chest. Apoc pulls Kid up with one hand, lifting hiim overhead, and tosses him halfway across the ring. Kid hits the canvas, bouncing along and rolling out of the ring. Apoc looks to Master while Stardust tries to comfort Kid. Apoc walks across the ring towards Kid, stepping over the top ropes and out onto the apron. Stardust jars the top rope, racking Apoc, who falls back into the ring. Kid rolls back in, climbing up top. Kid comes off the top with a Frog Splash which connects. 1... 2... kickout by Apoc. Kid gets back up, while Apoc is slow to his feet. Apoc and Kid lock up. Apoc starts to muscle Kid back into the corner. Master stands up on the apron, drawing back with a chair. Stardust shoves him, causing him to club Apoc instead of Kid. Apoc goes down and Kid makes the cover. 1... 2... 3...

Geraldo: Your winner and man to retire Apoc from his MVW career, Kiiid Dyyynaaamooooo.

Kid and Stardust celebrate in the ring, while Master and Apoc argue at ringside. Master shoves Apoc. Apoc clobbers Master with one huge fist, then storms away from the ring.

Mancow: Well, it looks like Kid might have finally found a woman to fill that special role in his life.

Larry King: Yeah, a warm body.

Selrack: Warm? Picky picky Larry. Next thing you know, they'll have to be alive and everything.

Mancow: That's disgusting.

Selrack: Eh, it gets ratings.

Mancow: You've never really...

Selrack: Maybe.

Larry turns, puking into Mancow's hat.

Larry King: Much better.

Selrack: I agree. No whining or anything.

Mancow ducks under the table. More vommitting noises are heard.

Selrack: So who's next?

Geraldo: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the MVW Tag Team Titles. Introducing first, the number one contenders, Starker and Diamond Kid: Theee Nooo Liiimiiit Soooldiiieeeeers.

Ah Shyt! Ain't Nothin' But A Gangsta Party! Freak On A Leash by KoRn starts up over the PA. Diamond Kid and Starker step through the curtains. Starker looks a little worse for wear, but his TV Title still rests around his waist. Diamond Kid throughs up the W sign and the audience cheers. As they reach ringside, Snoop Doggy Dogg waves to them from his cameraside seat in the front row. Starker and Diamond Kid roll into the ring.

Geraldo: And their opponents, representing the Asylum, Buuuuull and...

There's an awkward silence as Bull steps through the curtains alone. The Spanish version of Power Trip by Monster Magnet starts up over the PA. Bull waves to Selrack as he walks by the commentary table, then rolls into the ring without the aid of the partner.

Selrack: Now this is why I like Bull. He's one crazy sonnovab*BLEEP*ch. He's got guts. No brains at all, but guts.

Mancow: I guess the guts are all bull's are used for anyways.

Geraldo: And their opponents, one half of the reigning MVW Tag Team Champions, Jaaackaaal and Uniiiooon Jaaaaack.

What's Your Alias by Mystikal starts up over the PA. Jackal steps through the curtains first, his tag team title belt over one shoulder. Union Jack follows along close behind. The audience screams out, cheering uncontrollably. Union Jack pauses to take a bow, while Jackal tosses his belt down in between Selrack and Mr P.

Jackal: I'll be back for it in a bit.

Geraldo: And their opponent, one half of the reigning MVW Tag Team Champions, Jooohn "The Man" Fuuucskooooo and...

Down by 311 starts up over the PA. John Fucsko and Jenifer step through the curtains, but no partner is anywhere to be seen. John lifts up his Tag Title belt and grins, making his way to the ring. He steps up onto the apron. Jackal and Diamond Kid start things off. The bell sounds. Diamond Kid and Jackal lock up. Diamond Kid starts to force Jackal back towards his corner. Jackal drops down low, arm dragging Diamond Kid for a moment and sending him across the ring. Diamond Kid stands for a moment, contemplating what to do, then dives in taking out one of Jackal's legs. Jackal rebounds back to his feet, but Diamond Kid rolls him over with a headlock bulldog and plants him into the canvas. Jackal reaches out for the ropes as Diamond Kid drags him to the center of the ring, hooking Jackal up in a boston crab. Fucsko dives in, nailing Diamond Kid in the back of the head, and Diamond Kid goes down. Fucsko stomps on the small of Jackal's back, the returns to his corner, grinning ear to ear. Diamond Kid gets back to his feet, turning to see Jackal nearly to his corner. Diamond Kid dives for Jackal, but Jackal makes the tag in just the nick of time. Union Jack comes in. Union Jack lands a powerful kick into Diamond Kid's midsection, flips Diamond Kid over his shoulders with a butterfly suplex. Diamond Kid comes down hard on his shoulders and Union Jack turns, dropping an elbow into Diamond Kid's chest. Union Jack pulls Diamond Kid to his feet, lifting him up for the delayed vertical suplex. Union Jack holds him for four, seven, ten seconds. And Bull reaches out, grabbing Union Jack by the back of the hair and pulling him back to the mat. Union Jack comes down unexpectedly, while Diamond Kid goes over the top rope and onto the outside. Bull climbs into the ring, refusing to let go of Union Jack's hair. Bull starts to choke the hell out of Union Jack, sitting down on his chest and beating the back of his head against the mat. Union Jack digs his fingers into Bull's eyes, refusing to let go. Bull pulls away, letting up on Union Jack while he struggles to see. Union Jack climbs to his feet, shoving Bull back into his corner and pounding at him with repeated knees to the midsection. Bull headbutts Union Jack, which leaves them both dazed for a second. Then Bull marches across the ring to where John Fucsko stands and reaches out for a tag.

Fucsko: What the f*BLEEP*?

Bull: Oh like you've got a better option. Come on, it's time the Queer Stompers won the Tag Belts.

Fucsko: Ah, sh*BLEEP*t. Why the f*BLEEP*k not?

Fucsko tags in, then rushes over to Union Jack. They lock up for a moment, and Fucsko lifts Union Jack, smashing him into the mat with a brainbuster. Jackal reaches in, desparately wanting the tag. Fucsko rolls Union Jack towards Jackal, wanting it just as bad. Jackal tags in and Fucsko lunges for him with a forearm shot. Jackal ducks and back body drops Fucsko into the air. Fucsko lands hard and Jackal follows up perfectly, twisting him into the Clamp Down. Fucsko's got no where to go, but Bull comes in and stomps on Jackal's head, making the save. Jackal gets back up and shoves Bull into the opposite corner, where Bull nails Starker. Starker and Bull both fall to the outside, pummelling each other like men possessed. Diamond Kid climbs into the ring, while Jackal stomps away at Fucsko further, but Union Jack grabs Diamond Kid from behind, planting him with a german suplex. Jackal grapples up with Diamond Kid, who begins to take control again, while Union Jack stands by Fucsko, waiting for him to get up. Fucsko stands. Seven Round Salute! 1... 2... 3...

Geraldo: Your winners and new MVW Tag Team Champions, Jaaackaaal and Uniiiooon Jaaaaack.

Jackal rolls out of the ring, picking up his Tag Title belt from in front of Mr President, who is irrate.

Mr President: Dammit! No. Not him. Anyone but him. Sh*BLEEP*t!

Mancow: Well, you've still got the Franchise, Union Jack, as the other champ.

Mr President: Yeah. Jack's really turning out to be a disappointment as well. Here I am, just trying to give them employment, and they turn on me. Just because... it's popular.

Selrack: Maybe it's not so. I was a Tag Champion with Jackal once. So was Union Jack, as I recall. And he left Jackal out in the cold. It won't last long.

Mr President: Damn straight it won't! I will have a decent set of Tag Team Champions... even if it kills me. Or better yet, if it kills Jackal.

Selrack: Calm down, man. Remember your blood pressure. You don't want to have a stroke. I mean, look at you. You're beet red.

Mr President: I know.

Selrack: I know what'll cool you down.

Mr President: Jackal's head on a pike?

Selrack: Snowball fight!

Selrack pulls a handfull of snow out of his swimming trunks and nails Mr P on the side of the face. Mr P looks angered at first, then slowly breaks out in laughter.

Mr President: Selrack, what would I do without you?

Selrack: Ramble alot. Now let's get back to matches.

Geraldo: The following Dumpster Match is for the MVW Hardcore Championship. Introducing first, the challenger, the No Limit Soldier, Diiiaaamooond Kiiiiid.

The image on the ViolenceTron switches to that of Diamond Kid stepping through the back alley with a pissed off look on his face. He picks up a trash can and stands there waiting for Omega.

Geraldo: And his opponent, the reigning MVW Hardcore Champion, Omeeegaaaaa.

The lid of the dumpster flips open and Omega climbs out, Mr Bat in hand. Diamond Kid looks startled at Omega's arrival, but promptly turns and bashes him in the head with the trash can. Omega slams into the side of the dumpster. Diamond Kid tosses the trash can aside, then places a firm kick into Omega's chest, again driving him against the dumpster. Omega lashes out with Mr Bat, but Diamond Kid ducks, catching Omega by the wrist and tossing him over his shoulder. Omega goes down hard onto the concrete, landing squarely on his back, and Diamond Kid picks up Mr Bat. Diamond Kid cracks Mr Bat over the side of Omega's face, then again over his shoulder. Blood runs from Omega' forehead, but he doesn't seem to care. Omega stands back up, raking his nails over Diamond Kid's face and temporarily blinding the youngster. Omega grabs Diamond Kid by the back of the hair, driving his face into the dumpster's corner, but Diamond Kid gets an arm up to take most of the impact. Diamond Kid lashes out with a back elbow into Omega's face, stumbling him back, and Diamond Kid turns back around, tieing up with Omega. Diamond Kid lifts him over one shoulder into a fireman's carry, then steps up on the trash can to stand over the top of the dumpster. With a samoan drop, Diamond Kid easily deposits Omega into the dumpster, then slaps down the lid.

Geraldo: Your winner and new MVW Hardcore Champion, Diiiaaamooond Kiiiiid.

Selrack: He was supposed to be Asylum material. I don't know; maybe he saned up or something.

Mancow: We've got a new Hardcore Champion and only a few weeks into this kid's MVW career. Who knows how far he'll go?

Larry King: Well, Omega was on top of the world for a good couple weeks. Sometimes, it didn't seem like anyone could dethrone him. But Diamond Kid did just that.

Geraldo: The following is a Flag Match. Introducing first, representing Mexico, Buuuuull.

A Spanish version of Power Trip starts up over the PA. Bull makes his way through the curtains, walking towards the ring with a large paper bag under one arm. He starts tossing buritoes out to the fans, in an attempt to win them over. Still strongly behind Wayne Jeffries, the Canadian audience will have none of it as they shower Bull with booes.

Geraldo: And, representing Great Britain, Uniiiooon Jaaaaack.

Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix starts up over the PA. The audience again booes another of Wayne's enemies. But two men cheer on Union Jack wearing his Tag Team Title belt as he proudly waves the British flag. It's George and Ringo from the Beatles. Union Jack sees them and waves, then looks to the empty seat next to them and nods. Setting up his flag, Union Jack climbs into the ring and stares down at Bull.

Geraldo: And representing the United States of America, Jaaackaaaaal.

What's Your Alias by Mystikal starts up over the PA and Jackal steps through the curtains, his Tag Belt around his waist and the Stars and Stripes proudly waving in his hands. The audience booes even more loudly than they did at Union Jack and Bull combined. Jackal gives the Canadian audience the finger, then salutes the flag himself after setting it up at the ring. The bell sounds. Jackal and Union Jack both pounce at Bull. Bull side steps Union Jack, connecting a closeline into Jackal's upper body. Union Jack nails Bull from behind and Bull takes a spill down to the mat. Jackal drills a leg drop down over Bull's throat while Union Jack holds his legs in place. Union Jack and Jackal each take one of Bull's legs, pulling in opposite directions. They grab the ropes, using them for added leverage. Bull screams out in pain. Union Jack turns to the flag pole, beginning to climb, while Jackal keeps Bull occupied. Bull slowly gets to his feet, and Jackal hooks him for a DDT. But Bull simply lifts Jackal, bringing him down with an inverted atomic drop. Jackal is momentarily stunned, but soon Bull is blinded as the Mexican flag falls from grace, fluttering over his face. Union Jack slides down the flag pole, hooking Jackal while he's stunned and nailing him with a russain leg sweep. Jackal goes down and Union Jack starts over to the next corner, but Jackal raises behind Union Jack and pounces. Jackal drops Union Jack with a double ax-handle to the spine. Union Jack starts back to his feet, but Jackal kicks him while he's down, this time square in the ribs. Union Jack doubles up and Jackal starts to climb. Union Jack gets to his feet while Jackal is only halfway there. Union Jack starts shaking the flag pole. Jackal struggles to keep his grip, but falls to the center of the ring. Union Jack pulls Jackal back to his feet, and... Seven Round Salute! Union Jack climbs Jackal's flag pole, casting aside the American flag.

Geraldo: Your winner, Greeeaaat Briiitaaaiiiiin.

Union Jack looks a little less than pleased with the way his win is announce, but he still cheers out to the surviving Beatles and takes a bow. Selrack takes off his headset, very calmly, and steps into the ring behind him. The bell sounds and Selrack nails Union Jack in the back of the head with a big boot. Union Jack goes into the ropes and Selrack catches him on the way back with a hand over his throat. Selrack hoists him up and chokeslams Union Jack into the mat, where Union Jack lays for a moment, very winded. Selrack drives and elbow down into Union Jack's back, then drags him up by the hair. Selrack whips Union Jack to the ropes and ducks down for a back body drop. But Union Jack sees it telegraphes and catches him with a swinging neckbreaker instead. Selrack is right back up and Union Jack whips him to the corner. Union Jack comes rushing in, but Selrack dives out of the way and Union Jack runs into the pads alone. Selrack grabs Union Jack by the back of the head and starts beating his skull against the top turnbuckle. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. Union Jack responds with a mule kick which catches Selrack south of the boarder. Union Jack turns around, climbing to the top turnbuckle, and leaps off with a blockbuster. Selrack topples down in the center of the ring. 1... 2... Selrack kicks out. Union Jack and Selrack get to their feet, and the two lock up. Selrack gains the upper hand, whipping Union Jack to the ropes again. Selrack catches him on the way back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Union Jack struggles back up and Selrack lifts him for a vertical suplex. Union Jack wriggles free, landing behind Selrack. Selrack spins around. Seven Round Salute! 1... 2... kickout by Selrack. He kicked out of the Seven Round Salute! Union Jack pulls him back up. Seven Round Salute! 1... 2... 3...

Geraldo: Your winner and new MVW United States Heavyweight Champion, Uniiiooon Jaaaaack.

Union Jack pauses, shaking Selrack's hand, then lifts the US Title high above his head and walks out of the arena.

Mr President: Somebody's getting just a little big for his breeches.

Mancow: In one night, Union Jack went from being a decent wrestler to being MVW US Heavyweight and World Tag Team Champion. I think he has a little right to be proud of himself. He's worked hard for this.

Larry King: Well maybe Mr P wants to see him work just a little bit harder. At least if he wants to make it to the top.

Mancow: But it seems like the road to the World Title is so long and hard that few have the patience for it, let alone twice.

Larry King: Then Union Jack is going to have to settle for second fiddle for the rest of his life.

Mancow: Well, if anyone can do it, Union Jack can.

Geraldo: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the MVW World Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first, the challenger, the whole f'n show, Aliiieeeeen.

Walk by Pantera starts up over the PA. Alien steps through the curtains and the audience starts to boo. He struts to the ring, very confidently, and rolls in under the bottom rope.

Geraldo: And his opponent, the reigning MVW World Heavyweight Champion, Raaazooorblaaaaade.

The RuffRider's Anthym by DMX starts up over the PA as the Words Razor and Sharp appear in rapid succession on the ViolenceTron. Razorblade walks down the isle, the World Title hanging loosely in his left hand. He drops it at ringside and rolls in, squaring off against Alien. The bell sounds. Alien and Razorblade lock up. Razorblade lifts Alien overhead, starting things off with a powerslam. Alien rebounds to his feet, refusing to stay down, and tackles Razorblade to the mat throwing repeated punches. Razorblade rolls him over, pounding away at Alien himself. Alien brings a knee up between Razorblade's legs and the world champ rolls off stunned. Alien stands up, dragging Razorblade to his feet, and levels him with an inverse DDT. Alien hooks a leg. 1... kickout by Razorblade. Alien and Razorblade stand again, and this time they lace fingers. Razorblade starts to overpower Alien, forcing him back further and further. He twists Alien into a wristlock, but Alien somersaults along the canvas, then gives a standing rear kick which meets Razorblade in the midsection. Alien doubles over and Razorblade grabs him by the laces on his mask and bulldogs him to the mat. Razorblade makes the cover. 1... 2... kickout by Alien. Both men make their way back to their feet, locking up and going power for power again. Alien comes ahead, flipping Razorblade with a side slam. Alien climbs up top. Razorblade stands again, rushing to the corner and pounding away at Alien, but Alien carefully keeps his balance. Alien steps up onto Razorblade's shoulders, rocking violently trying to catch him with the victory roll. Wait. Avalanche! 1... 2... 3...

Geraldo: Your winner and still MVW World Heavyweight Champion, Raaazooorblaaaaade.

Mancow: Yes, you owe me fifty bucks, Larry.

Larry King: Dammit. And to think that Piter Svoboda made eighty grand, and I can't make fifty bucks. Dammit. Well, this is Larry King Live, signing off.

FADE TO BLACK