Today is a proud day for me, for I have just departed from planet Milwaukee and have taken control of the starship Mongoose. Our first mission has us testing the very limits of our sanity, and will likely push our craft to the point of fissure; that's right, we are going to WalMart.
Initial contact with this planet and it's inhabitants, the Thriftonians, has left two of our other ships destroyed, and several of the children screaming in isle 7. Our mission is to make peaceful contact, and negotiate the release of the children....(lousy little rugrats, always whining "I want this, give me that." And constantly clinging at your pantleg, don't they understand...wait....is this thing still on??.....oh sh...)
My first officer, Mr.Smiley, he's a happy ol' chap!, has taken lead of the away team, and is heading through the planets defenses now. Oh GOD look out! Whoa that was close, those automatic doors nearly took off Comander Casio's head! But that's okay, he could always reattach it, seeing as how he's an android and all.
They have made it past the doors, and are now grabing a cart, trying to fit in with the locals. Oh no, that one has a wobbly wheel on the right side, but too late, going back would evoke the suspicions of the Thriftonians, since almost all of the shopping carts have at least one wheel that won't go straight.
Mr.Smiley is making his way to isle 7, and, yes, there are those blessed darlings (filthy little...) He is placing the three children in the cart, but not all will fit in the basket!
"Captain, Smiley here, not all of the children will fit in the basket...we may have to leave one behind."
"Oh really? Darn, such a shame...well get the awayteam...."
"Captain, this is Comander Casio, I have a theory as to how we can bring all the children back safely. If we utilize the under-area of the product mobility device, we can stow one of the preadolescents seperate from the other two, and increase the chances of us meeting all the forth set criteria."
"Umm, yeah, that sounds great..."
"You heard the Captain, put that one on underneath the cart. Were on our way back Sir."
They have carfully stowed the children in the cart, and are now turning about on their course, heading back towards the final test, checkout. Mr.Smiley has spotted an open register, and is maneuvering past the unaware Thriftonians. Wait, one of the aliens clad in a red polkadot muumuu has also seen the open lane, and is making a break for it. They're both running at full speed, it looks like Smiley will make it. *CRASH!*
Smiley made it, but one of the extra's...I mean, one of the ensigns didn't make it. This is so sad, I don't know how we'll mannage without him....Oh well, life goes on, and Mr.Smiley is getting rung through. Good God! $4.59 for three children! Why, back in my day...oh never mind. He has his receipt, and is now leaving the defensive systems of WalMart, man I hate those automatic doors, they never seem to open fast enough.
"Were back Captain, the mission was a success!"
"Well done Smiley, you'll get an extra cookie during snack time today. Now get us out of here Scotty!"
"Are you talking to me sir?"
"Of course I'm talking to you, how many Scotty's do you think we have on this ship?!"
"But I'm not Scotty, sir."
"Not Scotty? What do you mean not Scotty?! Every ship has to have a Scotty, how else would it run?!"
"I'm sorry sir, but I'm not Scotty."
"Fine then 'Not-Scotty,' get us out of here."
"But sir...."
"I said MOVE 'Not-Scotty.' Warp Eighteen, engage!!!!"