My crew and I have been redirected from our radish asteroid analysis to the planet Capitol DC, where we are to mediate the negotiations between two political factions from the planet; the Repubian�s and the Demicre�s. Both have been in a constant state of tension, with minor wars springing up, for the past one hundred years. Something about an elliptical chamber, not really sure why, must have some religious importance. To help with these negotiations, we have two new crewmembers joining us, Doctor Regrinie and Consoler Heid. The consoler has a magnificent ability to sense the stupidity of other life forms, which I am sure will come in handy in the future. On a more negative note, she has been suffering from a headache for the past 2 days, and it seems to be getting worse as we get closer to Capitol DC.
�Are you all right consoler? What do you think is causing your migraines?�
�I can�t be sure, but I get a strong sense that it is stemming from the planet, Captain.�
�Captain, Capitol DC is hailing us.� Reported Lt. Beefy, the tactical advisor from the planet Rumnon.
�Put them through Lt. Beefy,� said Captain Kenny, as he straightened his uniform.
The sightscreen went from a view of the planet, to that of a hideous looking alien. It had big wobbly ears, small beady eyes, and an evil grin with razor sharp teeth. It was also adorned with some strange powder blue Stetson hat.
�Oh god! What is that horrible thing!� Captain Kenny shouted at the sightscreen.
The alien on the planet looked puzzled, then turned around to look behind himself.
�Captain�� consoler Heid whispered, �that�s the leader of the Repubian�s, President Shrub.�
�Whoa, what happened to him?�
�Nothing, that�s how they�re supposed to look.�
�Jesus! How do some species survive?!�
President Shrub turned back towards the Captain, with the same screwed up puzzled look on his face. �I�m sorry Captain, but what were you so shocked to see behind me?�
�Oh, um�there was this big, huge rabbit that hopped by.� He held out his hands as far apart as they would go, to indicate the size. �You just missed it.�
�Oh wow!� Said President Shrub, looking back again, as if expecting to see the imaginative beast. �I�ve never seen those on out planet before, it must be some new species.� He was hopping up and down now, like a little boy that needed to go to the bathroom really badly. �I�ll have to makes sure I shoot it later.�
�You do that. Now, President, we would like�.�
�I�m sorry, but that�s Empower Shrub. Just changed it.� The small creature bobbled its head in agreement with itself, the same evil grin fixed constantly upon its face.
Captain Kenny, closed his eyes, trying to understand what he had just heard. �I�m sorry, but I think you mean Emperor.�
�Nope, I mean Empower.� He bobbled his head again. Just then, another dwarfish alien came to the side of Shrub, and began whispering in his massive ear. Then slinked off out of view. �Actually, I do mean Emperor.� He fixed up his smile again. Then the other alien came into view, and whispered something else in his ear.
While this was going on, Captain Kenny rolled his eyes, and cleared his throat. �I�m sorry, Emperor Shrub, we were sent here��
�Wooo!� Cooed the alien, and held up his index finger. The other alien slinked off again. �Never mind, we actually changed it back to President. So, what were you going to say?�
The Captain now raised his hands to his temples, and began rubbing them in a circular motion. �Okay, whoever you are, we were sent here to mediate the discussions between you and the Demicre�s. Can we please transport down to the planet?�
�The alien screwed up his face again, and pondered this for a couple of seconds. �Well, you can sure come down. Were all sinners here! But not too sure about that dissection thing.�
Before the Captain had a chance to scream at the alien, President Shrub terminated the link, switching back to a view of the planet below.
�Good lord! I think we can safely assume where your headache is stemming from, Consoler.� Said the Captain, as he still rubbed his temples. Looking over towards his right, where Consoler Heid had been sitting, he found her slumped over her chairs arm rest. �Lt. Beefy, would you please take Consoler Heid to the sick wing; it seems this was too much for her to handle.�
�Give me one second sir�I have a headache too.� The massive Rumnon was rubbing an area just below two large spiraling white horns. His ceremonial silver nose ring dangled too and fro from the motion of his hoof-like hands on his head.
�Never mind.� Captain Kenny said irritably. �Not-Scotty, you take her to the sick wing.�
�Captain, I told you before, my name is not Scotty.�
�Of course it�s not Scotty, that�s why I called you Not-Scotty. Now get a move on!�
�But sir��
�You heard the Captain, he said mooooove!� Roared Beefy.
Not-Scotty ran over to Consoler Heid, picked her up, then promptly ran off the control deck and right to the sick wing.