Chapter
Three: Crush on You
Hey Girl
I don’t want you to cry no more
Inside
Upon returning to the house,
Brian went to go take a shower, and Rylee took the opportunity to talk to Nick.
"Um, Nicky?" she called quietly. Hearing his answer from the direction
of the living room, she made her way there and sat down beside him on the couch.
"So…" she began slowly. "I hear you’ve been talking to Jess
about me."
Nick laughed. "Oh yeah,
sorry I guess I forgot to mention that, Ry." After seeing the skeptical
look Rylee was giving him, he changed his mind about teasing her and continued.
"Well, I don’t see you denying anything!"
"What’s there to
deny, Nick?" Rylee replied calmly.
"What? Seriously?"
Nick was shocked and made no move to hide it. "Really, I mean, wow… How
long have you felt like this?"
Rylee leaned back against
the couch and sighed nonchalantly before answering, "Oh, forever."
"Wow," Nick said
again.
Rylee sighed and ran her
fingers agitatedly through her hair. "I don’t know what I’m doing,
Nick…" She trailed off. "I mean, I think I know what I want, but
then I’m so confused. I just don’t want to screw everything up."
Nick was surprised. He
hadn’t expected this kind of confession out of Rylee when they started
talking. Even though she was looking down away from him, he knew her well enough
to know how emotional she was becoming, and prayed that Brian would be taking a
looooong shower. He slid closer to her and put his arm around her shoulder.
"Hey, Ry," he said softly. "It’s alright. You want to tell me
what you’re thinking?"
She looked up at him, her
eyes watering slightly. "Oh, Nick, it hurts. I’ve been hiding it for so
long, and now… I thought I’d be okay coming here, but now, now I’m not so
sure!"
"Hey, hey, hey…"
Nick said soothingly. "It’s okay, Rylee." She turned and rested her
head against his shoulder. "Don’t cry, hon."
"I’m not."
She said in a small voice, muffled slightly against his shoulder. "Really,
I’m not." She repeated, half trying to convince herself.
"Okay, Ry, why don’t
you just start from the beginning?" Nick said encouragingly.
She sighed again and lifted
her head, leaning back against the couch. "I don’t know, Nick. It’s
just, ever since we were little, me and Brian were always… just us, ya know?
But ever since I started college, then...it’s like he was Brian! My best
friend, who I missed more than anything, that I couldn’t see. And then the
more I missed him, the more I wanted him to be with me." She gave a soft
laugh. "Great timing I have, huh? I mean, even if I had stayed in Kentucky
instead of moving to California, he would have been off in Europe with you
guys."
"I’m sorry," he
said dryly, trying to make her smile.
It worked, and she cracked a
smile. "Yeah, thanks a lot, Nicky! You guys just had to get rid of that
Phoenix- whatever guy, and call Brian out of class, and then all go gallivanting
off to Europe! It’s all your fault, Nick!" She picked up a pillow and
smacked him with it.
"Ouch! Sorry!"
Nick laughed. "Okay, okay, okay! So what happened between then and now? I
mean socially?"
Rylee smiled sideways,
"Oh you know, the usual, Brian had like two dozen girlfriends, and I had a
couple boyfriends. Normal high school stuff…it wasn’t really a big deal
before. I was pretty much in denial for a while, but I got over that in a hurry.
Then I was just a little confused. I mean, we lived like across the country from
each other, and he was always with someone." She paused for a minute,
glancing towards the stairs for any sign of Brian, and then continued. "It
got really hard for a while there. But then, I got better and better at hiding
it, and now it’s like I’ve been hiding it for so long, I don’t know what
else to do. Though, I think the hardest part was when he had serious
girlfriends."
"Yeah, I was wondering
about that." Nick said. "I mean you were really nice to Leighanne. She
even invited you to her wedding!"
Rylee smiled, "It was
easier when he was with Leigh, 'cuz I actually liked her. And he was really
happy, so I was happy. Not that I was incredibly devastated when they broke up
though. Well, I was upset for them of course, but they both are still friends,
so it’s cool. I’m glad they’re still friends. Leighanne was great."
"As opposed to…"
Nick questioned.
"Augh," Rylee
rolled her eyes, snapping out of her reflective state. "I absolutely hated
it when he was with Sera! Of course, that girl didn’t like me at all. I never
really understood that. I never did anything to her!"
Now it was Nick’s turn to
smile. "She was jealous of you, Rylee. Of how close you and Brian
were."
"See, that was
stupid! Brian was totally in love with her. Geez, talk about insecurities!"
"Hey, now, Ry. You did
like him then though, right?" Nick reasoned.
"Well, yeah, but I
wasn’t gonna do anything to screw with his relationship!" Rylee
countered. "Anyways, let’s talk about something else!"
"Okay", Nick said,
"What about when you had boyfriends? What did Brian do?"
"Nothing, " Rylee
said, rolling her eyes, "Except be a huge pest! Just because I’ve loved
Brian forever, doesn’t mean I did anything about it! I tried to have normal
relationships, but noooooo! Brian just had to be so annoyingly…augh! You know
what I mean!"
Nick laughed at Rylee’s
frustration, and after a while she joined him.
"I have to admit",
she continued. "Some of the guys were a little…well, let's just say that
when I look back, I see a lot of resemblances with Brian in them. Pathetic,
huh?"
Nick laughed again. "So
you were attracted to Brian-ish guys? Since when?"
Rylee thought for a moment.
"Probably since my first "boyfriend" in, what was it? Oh yeah,
fourth grade." She paused, thinking back on her childhood crushes.
"Wow! Every boyfriend I've had and every guy I've like have had at least
one thing in common with Brian! That's REALLY sad!"
Nick laughed with her.
"Okay, okay, so we've established that you are really sad!! Back on the
subject! So what are you doing now?"
Rylee had a puzzled look on
her face, "What? What am I doing with what?"
"This," Nick said,
waving his arms around, gesturing to the house and Brian, who was still
upstairs.
"Oh, well… I’m
just…waiting, I guess…"
"Waiting for
what?"
"Uh, I dunno…waiting
for Brian to get a clue?"
They both laughed and
smiled, Rylee, glad for a bit of levity in an emotionally draining day and Nick,
glad to see Rylee happy again. "Waiting for Brian to get a clue, huh?"
Nick repeated, still laughing.
"Waiting for me to get
what?"
Rylee and Nick both turned
in shock to see Brian at the foot of the stairs, toweling his hair dry.
"Bri! Hey, we didn’t
hear you come in!" Rylee said nervously.
"Yeah, I know,"
Brian continued, settling comfortably on the couch on Rylee’s other side.
"Y’all were laughing too loud. So, what were y’all waiting for me
for?"
Rylee watched as Brian
shifted on the couch and shook the water out of the rest of his curls. "Oh
man," she thought. "How are we gonna get out of this one?" She
caught Nick’s eye to see if he could give her any help.
Nick looked away nervously,
then looked at his wrist, even though he wasn’t wearing a watch. "Whoa,
look what time it is! I’m going to bed! Goodnight!" With that, he got up
and practically ran up the stairs.
Rylee winced slightly as she
heard Nick’s door slam. She turned to Brian, who was waiting with an expectant
look on his face. "Soooo…." he questioned.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
I’d like to know your policy
When it comes to me
I’d like to know what’s in your mind
It’s not easy to see
I know now what I feel
And what to do
I wanna be with you
Rylee looked at Brian,
wondering faintly what in the world she was supposed to do. "It’s now or
never, girl," she told herself. "Now you can find out what he
thinks." Taking a deep breath, Rylee started to explain. "Um, well, me
and Nick were just talking about… about, um…" She faltered a little, at
a lost of a logical explanation. "We were talking about how…you haven't
really dated since you broke up with Leighanne." Rylee blurted out and was
relieved to see Brian didn’t sense anything out of the ordinary.
"Oh!" Brian said,
as if he understood. "I don’t really know. And as lame as it sounds, I
don’t really think I need that kind of relationship right now. I mean, I have
all this other stuff I have going on, that I don’t really need a girlfriend.
So I haven’t had see the big point of dating that much." He looked to
Rylee for a reaction, but she just sat listening, letting him talk, so he
continued. "Yeah, so that’s why. But it’s not like there aren’t girls
out there I could date, like…" and he listed two or three girls who Rylee
didn’t recognize and gave little descriptions.
She still just let him talk,
while trying to fight the growing feeling of jealousy inside. She started
second-guessing why she had asked him at all. She didn’t want to hear this;
she didn’t need to hear this. It was all she could do not to yell,
"Stop!" But she held it in, biting nervously on her bottom lip.
Luckily, Brian had leaned back when he started talking and was now facing the
ceiling. So she just listened, trying to pay attention without letting it hurt
so much. Then Brian said something that caught her attention.
"Then of course,
there’s you…"
Rylee looked up quickly, and
felt herself subconsciously holding her breath. Brian was still facing skyward
and kept talking. "I mean you’re you… You’re so easy to talk to, and
I feel freest - is that a word? – when I’m with you, maybe that’s why I
act so weird. But…"
Brian looked up and focused
on Rylee, and she slowly let out the breath she was still holding.
"But…" Brian
continued, "you’re also my best friend, and I love what we have now. I
don’t want to do anything to screw that up. Besides, why do I need a
girlfriend when I have you?" He grinned at her, but noticed she had stayed
silent throughout his whole conversation. "Rylee? So… what are you
thinking?"
She returned his smile
halfheartedly. She was hoping she wouldn’t have to lie to him if it came to
this, but she had to. " Well," she started, but didn’t get much
farther than that.
Brian misreading her pause
as something other than nerves. "Do you wish I hadn’t told you, Ry?"
"What? Oh no!"
Rylee replied. "I was curious, and um, well, I don’t really know what
I’m thinking..." She paused trying to find the right words to say.
"This is really weird that we’re talking about this! Sort of, well,
trippy... But I guess I’m kinda where you are. I mean, you’re you, my best
friend ever since, oh I dunno, forever. And I like that.. I guess even if
something else where to happen, I don’t want to lose that. But then..."
she took a deep breath before plunging ahead. "I could fall for you so
easily, Bri. And maybe, maybe deep down I already have...I’m not really sure,
but I know I don’t want to lose my best friend in the process, so I’m
just..."
They were both silent for a
while, absorbing everything they were saying, until Brian asked, "So where
do we go from here?"
"I don’t know, Rok.
Nowhere I guess, nothing’s really changed." Rylee paused again before
answering, wondering if she should say more, but not really trusting herself not
to just tell him that she loved him. In the end she kept silent, as did Brian,
until the silence was broken by a huge yawn Rylee was unable to control.
Brian smiled at her.
"You must be pretty tired. Jet lag and all... How about we just finish
talking in the morning, alright?"
"Sure," Rylee
answered, before yawning again. "G’night, Brian." She stood up to
give him a hug, then turned and walked into her bedroom. But as tired as she
was, several hours passed in distressed thoughts before Rylee was finally able
to fall asleep.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
I figured out
What to say to you
Sometimes the words
They come out so wrong
But I know in time
That you will understand
That what we have
Is so right
This time
Rylee woke up the next
morning and was surprised to find a letter addressed to her in Brian’s
handwriting sitting on her nightstand. Puzzled, she picked it up and pulled out
a sheet of paper.
"Dear Ry,"
the letter started. Now growing more and more curious, Rylee continued reading.
"I know this seems
kinda weird that I’m writing to you when you’re just in the next room, but I
can’t seem to fall asleep. Anyways, I was thinking about stuff, and I just
wanted to write to you incase I forget. Well, I’m just gonna start writing ,
and I’ll see what happens... First of all, like you said, it was kinda weird
telling each other stuff like that... really weird, in fact. I mean, there was
nothing wrong with our friendship before. We’ve been best friends practically
since we were born. Everything was going pretty well, but by digging deeper we
have to assess where we’re at now. You’re my best friend and you know I love
you. I have other best friends like Nick and the rest of the guys, and Harold.
But it’s just different with you 'cuz you’re a girl and I’ve known you the
longest. Well, except for Harold and Kev. But you understand that. I just
don’t want to mess up that best friends status we have. But I have thought
before of what it would be like, hypothetically, if we were going out or
something like that, and that would be cool. But those are just thoughts. It’s
never really gone beyond that. I don’t want things to change, Rylee. I want to
keep on being your best friend. I know I’ve been saying a lot of stuff, but I
think we’ll get this all cleared up soon. But I also want to make sure we’re
both totally cool with everything. If you’re thinking something, you have to
tell me, because if we don’t finish talking about this, it might screw up our
friendship later. And I don’t want to risk that. You know, I think this
conversation, as out of the blue that it may be, has really added depth to our
relationship, not that we needed any more! Ü Well, angel-girl, I don’t
really know what you’re thinking right now, but I want you to tell me. Just
remember that I love you and that I will always be here for you no matter what.
Anyways, I know you’re probably thinking it over, and you’d better tell me
all.
Brian"
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~