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“Was it something I said, to make you turn away, to make
you walk out and leave me cold? If I
could just find a way to make it so that you were right here, right now…”
So true, so very true… You would think I wrote that song
instead of Justin. I don’t know
where he comes up with this crap. He
and Britney have had this like perfect relationship ever since our MMC days.
What does he know about broken hearts?
In his delusional mind, a broken heart is what he felt when Britney was
touring Europe and we were stuck here and he couldn’t talk to her every five
minutes.
But me, I’m older and wiser and I know better.
A broken heart is what happens when your girlfriend of two years decides
that suddenly that it’s too hard to stay in a relationship with you and gives
up. No fight, no fuss, nothing.
Maybe it was my fault though. I should have been more devoted or more caring. I should have
been there for her more. I just
wish I had known.
“Cuz time is passing so slowly now, guess that’s my
life without you. And baby I could
change my every day, but baby I don’t want to.
So I’ll just hang around and find some things to do, to take my mind
off missing you…”
We could have saved our relationship.
I know we could have. If she
had just given me the chance to TRY. But
she didn’t even give me that. All
she gave me was some lame excuse that we couldn’t make things work.
Everything had been fine for those two years.
You CAN’T tell me that that is not a relationship that works!
I don’t even think she believed what she was telling me.
But that was it. Just
“We can’t make it work, JC. Sorry.” That’s all. And
it was sort of a half hearted "sorry", like “I’m not really sorry but I know
I’m supposed to say I am. So, sorry.” Then
she turned and walked away. I
haven’t heard anything from her since.
Sometimes I wonder why she gave up on me so easily.
But wondering does things to my mind.
And I need clarity. I crave
clarity.
I hate Justin’s song.
Everyone loves it, the other guys, Johnny, the fans.
It’s being proclaimed as “the ballad of all ballads” on sites
across the Internet. But they
don’t see it, they don’t feel it
I’m just thankful that Justin sings all the leads.
In fact, I barely have to sing at all.
Every time we perform that stupid song, I can see her, how beautiful she
was, how perfect everything was in the beginning.
And I want to sing it to her. I
want to make her understand that I’d do anything to get back what we once had.
I want to sing like I’ve never sung before, just to get a reaction out
of her. But I just keep my thoughts
to myself and throw in my little background harmonies like I’m supposed to.
“I drove myself insane, wishing I could touch your face,
but the truth remains… you’re gone...”
I wonder if she’s heard it. I wonder if she knows what it means to me. I wonder if my life will ever be “normal” again. Now that she’s gone…
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