Dear
Ethan,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being angry with you. I was jealous and hurt, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry that I was angry with you for so long without saying anything or telling you how I felt. I’m sorry that I thought you would know I was upset and hurting because you were my friend. It seemed to me that you would notice before when I was upset and genuinely care about what was wrong. I’m sorry you don’t notice now or don’t seem to care. I’m sorry for believing that you meant all the things you told me. You told me I was your best friend and that I was different from your other close friends cuz I was a girl. I’m sorry for being naïve and putting you on a pedestal. I’m sorry I fell into the thinking that even though you weren’t perfect, you were pretty close. I’m sorry for trusting that you would care how I felt instead of whatever was best for you. I’m sorry that that I wanted you to be perfect. I’m sorry I thought you were a good friend to me. I’m sorry for dreaming and wishing that you were. I’m sorry for being happy and feeling content when you told me I was your best friend. I’m sorry for being thankful that you were. I’m sorry for not telling you that I loved you when you asked last December. It would have probably been a whole lot easier if I had. But, it’s too late now. I’m sorry you felt that falling for each other would screw up our friendship. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel you could tell me about liking Natalie or even Nicole before that. I’m sorry that it’s come to the point that now I think that you just didn’t want to tell me at all and just said that you didn’t want to tell me because you didn’t want to get rebuked, because you didn’t want to tell me that you didn’t want to tell me. I’m sorry that you don’t listen when I talk to you anymore. I’m sorry that I didn’t say what I wanted to when I realized you weren’t listening. I’m sorry that it still hurts to see you, even though I told myself I’m over you. I’m sorry it’s been almost a year that I’ve fancied myself in love with you, and it’s taken me that long to see I was wrong. I’m sorry for even thinking the word “love” in association with you. I’m sorry for being a teenaged girl with dreams and fantasies that were wrapped up in you. I’m sorry for rationalizing everything that you do. I’m sorry for trusting you with all my secretes and taking you into my confidence. I’m sorry for trusting you so implicitly that you were the first person I wanted to run to when something, good or bad, happened to me. I’m sorry for being jealous of Natalie. I’m sorry for letting that jealousy make me feel inferior and for thinking that you and she made a better couple than you and I. I’m sorry for letting it get to me when people said how perfect the both of you were together. I’m sorry for wishing I was more like her. I’m sorry I thought you made me feel confident. I’m sorry for remembering all those good sweet memories. Like the time I went to lunch and bowling with you friends and we hung out at on your front yard afterward, lying on the grass, just the two of us, talking and laughing at things only we would understand. The tortuous times on our trip east, where it could be so good, and I would be so happy for a moment, then it would all fall apart and I wished I had never even heard of South Carolina or Oak Creek, or you for that matter. I’m sorry for all the time I wasted thinking and dreaming about you. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you all these things. I’m sorry that you’ll never read this letter. I’m sorry for falling for my “best friend”. I’m sorry I can’t even say it was fun while it lasted.
Sorry
You said that you cared about me
And I believed you
Without question
But all the pretty words that I heard
Weren’t really
In your heart
And I was blinded
Blinded by love
And by you
So now I just have one thing to say
I’m
sorry for believing all the things that you said
I’m
sorry for trusting that you’d still be my friend
I’m
sorry for wishing you would finally see
And
for all those things that will never be
I’m sorry for falling for you
You were the one in my dreams
And so I gave you
My heart
I didn’t know you were dreaming too
About another
Another girl
But now I know
Now I see
I was wrong
To think that you felt the same way
I’m
sorry for believing all the things that you said
I’m
sorry for trusting that you’d still be my friend
I’m
sorry for wishing you would finally see
And
for all those things that will never be
I’m sorry for falling for you
Oh, I wish I could’ve seen it this time
That you would never really be mine
But I’m sorry, I’m sorry
And oh, it’s getting harder to explain
Why I let you put me through this pain
So I’m sorry, I’m sorry
I’m
sorry for believing all the things that you said
I’m
sorry for trusting that you’d still be my friend
I’m
sorry for wishing you would finally see
And
for all those things that will never be
I’m
sorry for falling for you
I’m sorry for falling for you
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~