Greetings dearest readers! I hope you found last week�s column to be interesting and inspiring. By-the-way, any feedback, comments, questions, or suggestions for future columns is encouraged. This week's article is on the Conspiracy of Silence. Let us begin.
Bigotry is a virus that can thrive only in an environment plagued with ignorance and misinformation. Therefore, the only way to battle bigotry is to educate and expose people to the prejudiced class--in this case, the Lavender Culture. (I will use the phrases, Gay/Lesbian, Lavender, and Rainbow culture to include bisexuality, transgender, curious, questioning, and straight allies for simplicity's sake.) Homophobia is one tool that keeps us in the Closet. Because of the violence (physical, emotional, and social) that derives from the stigmatization of the Lavender Culture, many of us are simply either too afraid or too shy to Come OUT. Often this is for good reasons: loss of employment, harassment by the team, abandonment by friends and family, and assault by violent homophobes. So, at this point we have fed into the Conspiracy of Silence by not Coming OUT, either for real or perceived threats.
If one combines homophobia with the hetronormative assumption--the assumption that all people are safely considered straight and in line with traditional gender identities--the problem is magnified. Many of our straight peers are not homophobic, but are simply heterosexist. By this I mean that they always assume everyone is like them, at least in practice. When I and my boyfriend--before I was single, guys---would go into a resteraunt, or simply socialize in public or around those who did not know us, I would often find that they would assume we were either (a) brothers or (b) close friends. But this makes sense when one considers that for most heterosexuals the only male-male relationship (or for that matter female-female relationship) is one of kinship or friendship. The idea of same-sex/gender intimacy and romance is not even on the radar screen. The only way to counter this is to correct our straight peers. "Actually, no, he (she) is not my brother (sister, etc.), but is my lover (partner, etc.)." Most of the time the person will be overcome with a brief moment of shock followed shortly with acceptance and support. (We have many more allies than enemies folks, and very few of our enemies are willing to Come OUT as 'phobes any longer.)
But still, even our straight friends and family often treat us like second class citizens (which if you are aware of the current state of legislation, we are). When we get married (commitment ceremony, etc.) often our straight friends will not attend. When we Come OUT our closest friends and family often say, "Well, that is just fine, as long as you�re happy. But," (and this is the Conspiracy of Silence in action) "I don't want to see or hear about your lifestyle." Of course, they do no mean to be so offensive (normally), but rather they are just consumed with latent homophobia. The myths that surround our Lavender Culture permeate even the most egalitarian minds and when someone finds OUT that you are Queer they suddenly assume you will be screwing in the restaurant, spreading STDs, and converting all of the children. You and I both know this is bogus, but they do not. So from this we find that the OUTside pressures will Silence us as well.
Here is the state of the column: we Silence ourselves by staying in the Closet and we are Silenced by others when they tell us to (for practical reasons) stay inside the Closet. But if we accept these, we end up feeding bigotry by allowing ignorance and misinformation to permeate the mindset. There is only one solution, as I have stated in my opening paragraph, and that is to educate and expose our Lavender Culture to the world. As the late San Francisco District 5 Supervisor Harvey Milk (first Gay politician to hold an influential elected office who was assassinated by another Supervisor) said, we must Come OUT to our family, to our friends, at the supermarket, in the churches, mosques, synagogues, and temples. We must Come OUT at work, at school, to our neighbors, and the diners everywhere. We must live our lives as if they were normal. And, you know what? For us, our lives are normal.
Now, I can already hear some of our straight counterparts grumbling. "We don't want our kids exposed to two men (women, etc.) holding hands and displaying affection in public." "Why do they have to rub their Queerness in our face?" "It is okay to be Gay (Lesbian, etc.), just don't flaunt it." Well folks, I have news for you, we are not flaunting. The only reason you think we are is that you have been developed in a society which strictly enforces the Conspiracy of Silence, thus feeding the virus of bigotry. We will do anything that a straight person (couple) would do. And we will do some things unique to our Rainbow Culture. We do this not because we are exhibitionists (well, some of us are, but so are many of you), but rather because this is the only way to cure the Western world of their epidemic of hate. Well, that's all for this week. Here's me wishing you a Fabulous and Gay old time.
The following texts have been helpful in researching talking points for this article. All of them can be checked OUT from our Fabulous Peirce Library in La Grande, Oregon.
- Berzon, Betty. "Setting Them Straight: You Can Do Something About Homophobia and Bigotry in Your Life." Penguin Books: New York, NY (1996).
- Johansson, Warren and William A. Percy. "Outing: Shattering the Conspiracy of Silence." Harrington Park Press: Binghamton, NY (1994).
- Meyer, Richard. "Outlaw Representation: Censorship in Homosexuality in Twentieth-Century American Art." Beacon Press: Boston, MA (2002).