THIS WRITING IS WORK COMPILED OVER ONE YEAR FROM DON SKINNER OF THE GAMBINO FAMILY.  YOU SHOULD READ THIS AND INTERGRATE IT IN YOUR LIFE AS THIS IS HONOR AND RESPECT AS IT SHOULD BE IN OUR FAMILY AND ALL FAMILIES.
Respect.
Everyone wants it, few get it.
Why? I'll tell you why. Respect is earned, never given. And nowadays, with our rush to do everything yesterday, few have the will, patience, or perseverance needed to be truly respected. Like drinking a good espresso, building up respect requires time and an appreciation of the fine details needed to achieve a perfect result.  Respect is also directly related to your reputation. Build up a rep as a "stand-up guy," and respect will follow as a result.  That said, there are ways to speed up the process -- at least in the short-term -- with a few shortcuts. For example, get into any position where you can wield power (real power, not head of the janitor club power) and a certain level of respect is awarded to you, not because you deserve it but because it's part of the package of your new position.
Don't spit on anyone.   I had a police commissioner so deep in my pocket at one time that I could spit in his face and have him apologize to me for blocking the path of my saliva, but because of his "post," I refrained from committing such a rude act. I respect the institution of the American Presidency, so I respect the President because of his "position," not because he has done anything to deserve my respect. Capisce?
So, let's be realistic; the majority of you can't afford a Cadillac, much less buy yourselves a powerful position, so what can you do to garner some respect immediatamente?
This is where you take out a piece of paper and write down what I am about to reveal because I won't live forever. Here are seven things that won't guarantee you respect, but will lead you in the right direction. What you have to remember is that these things aren't done once and forgotten -- they have to be part of a new lifestyle and image you project.
1- Dress the part
Regardless of what you've done in the past, how much money you have in your bank account, how famous you are, or how fat you've become, a man in a well-tailored suit will always get treated better than some salame off the street.  I'm not talking about just any suit, I mean a well-fitted one, tailored by a man who left his village in the south of Italy to come to America with nothing but his needling skills and his shoes. This is not a time to be cheap. Get a suit that costs $200 US, and you'll look like $200. Get a suit that costs you $1,000, and you'll look like a million. And don't skimp on the shoes either; buy yourself one good pair at $400 a pop rather than four cheap pairs for $85. Anything made in Italy is automatically better than anything else -- end of story.
2 - Keep silent
I know all of yous think you're geniuses, but the truth is you aren't. You wouldn't need  advice otherwise. The world would be a toy in the palm of your hand. So, because you still have a lot to learn, you are better off just shutting your mouth and listening.  Be discreet, be mysterious, and only say what's necessary. In fact, don't say anything at all unless you have to. Mistakes are made most often by people who open their traps without good reason. The less someone knows about you, the more likely he'll choose to stay at a respectful distance.  When I meet someone for the first time, I politely salute them and take about two minutes before I say anything after that. In the meantime, the clown I just met has just told me where he lives, who he is cheating on his wife with, his credit card numbers, and how many Viagra pills he has to use to get it up. If you were a little bird listening in on our little conversation, who would you respect more after the two minutes have passed?
3- Don't lie
If you do have to open your mouth, stick to what you know. If I had a nickel for every time some cafone I met started talking about crap he didn't know about in order to impress me or get my respect, I'd have a two dozen Ferraris in my driveway.  There is no faster way to lose someone's respect than by lying, especially about stupidities. If you don't know something just say, "I can't really comment." It takes a real man to admit his shortcomings. If the other party is courteous, they'll ask you what you do, and then you'll have an opportunity to talk about something that can make you look like Einstein.
4- Never smile (keep that for the mistress)
Every time I see a wise guy showing more teeth than hiding them, a picture of a crocodile always comes to my mind. When you are a man of respect, you are also a man of caution. Smiling is like letting your guard down and may make others think you're a snake or a used car salesman (like my brother-in-law, the son-of-a-bitch always has an alligator smile -- he reeks of cunning).  Withhold a smile, and everyone knows that you are a serious man who's not easily impressed. Nine times out of 10, the other person will try even harder to get your approval. Who respects who in this situation?  But by all means, show your pearly whites when the doors are closed and your mistress brings her bisexual Spaniard friend Lola for a little bedroom action. At that point, the only respect you are thinking about is if she sweats...
5- Confidence & humility
I might be stating the obvious, but a man with confidence attracts people like a hooker at a prison camp. Confidence, even if it just includes having a good swagger, good posture, or good mannerisms, projects the image of someone in control, who knows what he's doing and can get the job done. A man with confidence says, "you can trust my abilities" and "respect my words."  Look someone in the eye. A confident man never spots any dirt on his shoes because he is never looking down.  Remember the fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence has to be balanced with a good dose of humility. Only a jackass likes to brag. Someone introduces you and says, "Mr. M is really smart, his organization made $10 million last year."
You answer, "Even with the greatest leadership skills in the world, without a good crew made of smart soldiers, I couldn't have done anything. A man alone cannot accomplish anything." What have you done? You've acknowledged your abilities while praising others. What a stand-up guy you are.  Rude guys never get anything from anyone...
6- Be polite and reciprocate respect & courtesy
When you meet someone, you shouldn't smile like a donkey, but you shouldn't be impolite either. Being guarded doesn't mean you can't be courteous. Good manners implies refinement, and refinement implies class; a man with class is a man that has traits worth respecting.  No one ever went to war because his enemy was too courteous or polite. Politeness doesn't mean being a wimp either. It means not being a jerk.
7- Have a good memory
One of the first things I tell the young turks in my crew is to develop a good memory because it won't just save their jackasses one day, it can score them a lot of points with business associates. You look like a fool when you don't remember the name of someone you were introduced to just 30 seconds before.  Remembering someone's name and something they told you proves that you are a man who pays attention to detail, and is attentive, intelligent and savvy. You don't have to repeat some drunken tirade he told you at your sister's wedding; remembering a name is sufficient, and it makes the person feel good (you get bonus points if you remember something about his kids). And what will he think? "What a stand-up guy, I like him. He even remembered my name."  end of story.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm no rocket scientist: this advice is pretty straightforward. Some things you probably already do, some you don't. Applying all seven of these rules means you have to change your lifestyle, the way you act with people you've known for years, but if it is instant respect you want, you have to pay the price.  Just do what I said for a couple of days and you'll see the difference. Walk into a restaurant in a Canali suit, with your head up and good posture, get a table, and order your food. When you get to the wine list, ask the waiter about a French wine you're not familiar with.  Don't say a word to the waiter until the end of the night, except for "thank you" whenever he brings you something. Don't show your dentures. At the end of the evening, repeat what the waiter told you about the wine, and give your own opinion if you are a connoisseur. Leave a 20% tip. He may only be a waiter but it's a start on the respectability trail.
Though I work with people who experience high levels of stress in their daily lives, I also encounter a very common trait amongst them -- low self-esteem. I have even found that low self-esteem can actually trigger higher levels of stress, anxiety, sleeplessness, and many other health-depriving symptoms.  The worst-case scenario for a person with low self-esteem is experiencing feelings of worthlessness and not belonging, which can unfortunately lead to thoughts of suicide.
Crackdown on Confidence
In a case study done several years ago throughout North America, including Canada and Mexico, researchers found that high rates of suicide were greatly linked with conditions of poverty, abandonment (mostly with children under the age of 16), and situations where people were viewed as outcasts amongst their own entourage.  Children are the most vulnerable when it comes to low self-esteem. They are constantly bombarded with peer pressure and unrealistic expectations from their family and friends. This can lead to major psychological problems in which they start feeling that their lives are worth nothing.
Adults suffer too.
Believe it or not, many adults nowadays have also begun experiencing the same symptoms. We constantly struggle with issues of money, love, family, work, etc., and it becomes especially hard for a man, since most patriarchal societies place great emphasis on the achievements of men, both as leaders and providers.  It all links back to the theory of "survival of the fittest," where the men are hunters and the women gatherers. Even with the women's liberation movement and feminism, the underlying cause of a man's self-deprivation is still clearly linked to the fact that we are expected to carry the world on our shoulders.  Women might not want to agree with this statement, but it's true. When's the last time your girlfriend, wife or significant other really depended on you for a real important task? Even if the task was to pay last month's phone bill? It usually is linked with money. However, more often than not, it's all about being a "real man."
Are you a real man?
How do you, or how can you define what a real man should be? The easiest thing would be to ask your girlfriend, wife, sister, or mother, but I guarantee that you'll be bombarded with ten different answers. Why? Because each woman has a different idea of what her man should be like. However, in general, you'll realize that there are some common traits men should possess in order to be considered "real men":
·  Be financially independent, i.e., be a rich bastard.
·  Be physically healthy, i.e., provide strong heirs like yourself.
·  Be intelligent, i.e., know how to fix lots of things.
·  Be dependable, i.e., always be available for her needs.
·  Have a strong character, i.e., show her you can stand on your own two feet.
Usually, when you start feeling as though you lack even just one of the above five traits, then your self-esteem will begin to decline because you will start feeling as though you have not met the minimum requirements.
Would you like to know how to be an awesome man? Here are 5 simple tips...
The idealistic view of a real man is absurd. Very few men have actually attained that level of grandeur amongst others. However, I can easily give you some tips on how to become an awesome man, i.e., a man who can go through life with all its ups and downs and still come out strong in the end.
Tip #1: Accept the unacceptable
Let's say that you are 40 years old. Your hair is thinning or falling out. Your gut is showing. The wrinkles on your face are deep and ugly. You basically feel like cow dung. Enter stress exhibit A: Denial.  When you deny yourself the potential of becoming something or someone bigger and more important than your present self, you start to fall into a vicious circle of self-hate. In order to break free from denial, you need to start accepting your problems and begin envisioning your goals for the future. Always keep in mind that you will achieve greatness.
Tip #2: Think the unthinkable
Keeping with the above persona, let's assume that the same you (balding, fat, middle-aged man) are always being told that you will not amount to anything in your life. Geez, what a harsh thing to say to someone who's already lived half his life. Enter stress exhibit B: Criticism.  Not much one can do or achieve in another 30 years, you say? Wrong. I have met men during my career who decided to go back to college, finish their degree, start their own business, fail, learn from their mistakes, and achieve greatness in their own entourage.  It's never too late to gain education and exercise. You need to think outside the box, and start thinking the unthinkable -- that you are, in actuality, a man with mmany opportunities ahead of you. All you need to do is create the doors and walk through them.
Tip #3: Set the goals
Now that you've accepted yourself and started thinking like the awesome man that you can be, you need to begin formulating a plan on how to reach your goals. Setting goals for yourself will probably be the most important gift you can give yourself. Start writing them down, and review them on a regular basis.
What I like to do is write down my long-term goals first, and then focus my short-term goals around the achievement of the long-term ones. This usually results in realistic achievements, and each time you meet one of your goals, you'll start feeling much better about yourself.
Tip #4: Overcome obstacles
You will certainly come across obstacles on your path to achieving your goals. Again, as before, accept these obstacles and move on. Do not deny their existence because they can easily haunt you for the rest of your life. Attack each one with all your conviction, and stay headstrong on your target.
Tip #5: Don't look back
This is probably the hardest thing you can do. We have always been told to count our blessings. But in order to do that, we need to think about the past and how horrible it used to be. Once you start reminiscing about the past, it can evasively turn around and bite back. Once you've reached your goals, you need to focus on who you are and what you will become.  
how do you say...  I once heard an awesome man say an awesome thing: "...to be and to become..." -- Dr. Vartan Gregorian, President of the Carnegie Association, New York City.  These five words mean a lot to me because whenever I feel like my self-esteem is hitting rock bottom, I tell myself that I am who I am, and that I will become something more. I give these words to you; live by them and you'll achieve anything you wish.

Watching your back at all costs. Machiavelli once said that it is better to be feared than loved. You know what that means Johnny Boy? Just in case you're too thick to figure it out here's the lowdown: if you're a schmuck going nowhere in life it won't make a difference in your pathetic existence. However, if you aspire to be Mr. Mafioso or some other rich powerful person it makes all the difference in the world.
Case in point: do any of you honestly think people love Bill Gates? His business partners; scared to death of the guy. He's not in antitrust court for nothing. His associates; has any one crossed him recently? Hell no. His wife; well, she's got a maid so let's not go there. His customers; shut up and buy the damn software, I don't have time for your petty complaints.  My point is the man is feared. He instills such a psychological fear in his opponents that they have half capitulated (that means given up, for you Neanderthals out there). All he needs to do is have them sign on the dotted line. The result: The richest man in the world. Now don't think he got there simply by being feared. The man had a plan, hired a few other ruthless people and executed his plan to a T. First comes fear, then execution, and then riches.  So repeat after me boys: I want them to fear me. As soon as someone starts getting too comfortable with you just whack them over the head a few times to put them back in their place. Trust me, it works. If they have the balls to ask you why you just smacked their calandrone ass upside the head just tell 'em I sent you... oh, and give 'em one more upside the head for good measure.  Now maybe this is not the best example, but Mike Tyson, in his heyday, was so feared by other fighters that the sound of their knees knocking together before the opening bell was more deafening than the roar of the crowd. The result? They rarely lasted more than one round (that is what I call execution!) and Mr. Tyson has earned over $500 million in purses during his career. First comes fear, then execution, and then riches.  Now the guy is not the class act that Rocky Marciano was, then again Marciano was Italian (enough said). However, Tyson is so intimidating that even the press watches its step around him these days. As opposed to Gates, Tyson instills physical rather than psychological fear. Physical fear works great too, just ask my paisan Fat Guido; a couple of extra hundred pounds along with a few kind words always makes collecting a lot easier!  Either way works. Personally, I recommend a balanced mix of the two. Have the guy wondering what your next move will be, and if that doesn't scare the hell out of him I'm sure you'll learn that a crowbar can be used for more than just opening crates. If you hadn't realized that yet then you're wasting my time; go look for some Pokemon stuff or something).
Fine, you say, make people fear me but why should everyone hate me? You're not paying attention my friend (and by friend I simply mean someone I'm not ready to bury in a ditch up-state yet, so don't get too comfortable). Just because someone fears you it doesn't mean they hate you. The trick is to have them fear you just enough so that they watch their step around you, but not so much so that they actually hate you. A little resentment towards someone is one thing, and no one will whack you just because they don't like you. If they hate you it's a whole new ball game, a potentially dangerous one.  Got it yet? No, for someone with a computer and Internet connection you ain't too bright. What I'm saying is that in business if competitors fear you all your actions will seem more intense and deadlier than they are. This means that your competition is more likely to make dumb mistakes and screw up, which means you'll make more money as long as you stick to your guns and execute your plans correctly.  The fear part is used to make the competition lose balance, the execution part is what brings in the bucks. So again boys, repeat after me: First comes fear, then execution, and then riches. Got it now? You'd better, because I have a hot plate of linguini and some homemade red wine waiting for me on the table...
FAMILY (NEED I SAY MORE?)
Me: Ma, dese are the best pasta & fagioli in the world.
Mama: Same way your grandma used to make them.
Me: You're the best ma.
Mama: I'd do anything for my kids.
Me: Really? Can you get me more bread please?
Mama: Sure son, I'll warm it up in the oven first.
Me: You're the best ma.
Mama: Always take care of your family son, they are the most important thing you have in this world and don't you ever forget it! Finish your pasta, it's going to get cold. Here, have some more; we gotta keep you nice and healthy.
Me: I will ma, I promise you.
There you have it boys, you all know Italian moms are the best cooks. More importantly, my point here is that in our fast paced life, we often forget about our roots. We forget to make time for our families. By family I mean parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, wife, children, and close friends.  Back in the day I'm sure most of us have fond memories of growing up in the old neighborhood. You guys know what I'm talking about. Those hot summer days when you just hang around with your friends playing games. Then our mothers would come out on the balcony and scream at the top of their lungs, telling us it's time for lunch or dinner.   My mom was practically the neighborhood chef in those days. She'd have all my friends over for lunch just about every day. Madonn', she'd cook lunch for ten of us! This kept us going in our mischief until dinnertime.  I'll never forget those days. I remember one day, my dad told me he was bringing me somewhere. "Where?" I asked. He told me it was a surprise. I was all excited, figuring he'd be taking me out for some gelato. Instead he brought me to see an old Sicilian fellow named Emilio.
Emilio was a barber and he just about shaved my head. What a dirty trick! My mom almost killed my dad for that hair cut My dad just laughed, thought it was real funny. Ha ha dad, still a fond memory in retrospect.
family is priceless.  I also remember family gatherings, playing with my brother and sister when we were kids. Now we are all grown up and married, my parents are grandparents and they spoil the kids just enough, but not too much.  My parents always took good care of my siblings and me. My sibs and I always look out for each other still to this day. If someone needs help, we are there, no questions asked. The world is a harsh place at times and good family helps us through the rough spots. But now it is time for us to take care of our parents, to return the favor.
Never forget about your family, it is the most important thing you have in this world. Read on and I'll give you some good ways to keep the torch burning.
Sunday lunch:
No matter how busy a person is, everyone needs to take a day off once in a while. Sunday is usually a quiet day on most fronts. Most offices are closed, although shopping malls are open (wasn't like that when I was kid!). A good way to stay in touch with your family is to make it a point to have lunch or dinner with them once per week or once every two weeks.  What I suggest is the Sunday lunch. Most Italians I know still go to church Sunday morning, and then the whole family has a nice home cooked meal. There is no rush, no hassle. We can sit down, have a few glasses of homemade vino and enjoy a nice meal and conversation.
The food is always nice, but what's nicer is being able to talk to our parents, brothers and sisters. To catch up on what's going on in their lives and provide support and encouragement to one another, especially in times of great need.  Often other relatives are invited and we reminisce about the good times passed and good times ahead. We talk about how we overcame hardships and how everyone pulled together to make things work, for the family.
Full Disclosure:
The Sunday lunch (could be the Tuesday dinner, whatever works for you guys) is meant to be a break from the hurly burly of modern life. We are always too rushed by business and other commitments to take some time out and just savor life.  The beauty of the Sunday lunch is that it keeps everyone in touch. It helps keep the strong family ties together, from one generation to the next. If you don't live in the same city as your family, you should make it a point to call them once a week and talk to them, find out about everything that's going in their lives.   Remember, your grandparents (if you are still lucky enough to have them) won't be around forever. Neither will your parents. And once they are gone, all you'll have are memories. So make the most of the time you have with them today and one day, you'll look back and think about those great memories. You might even get a tear in the corner of your eye (yes, my eyes get watery when thinking about my family, they are important to me) and a smile on your face.  Take it from me, always put your family first and they will do the same for you. All the money in the world can't buy you closeness with your family; you have to make that happen yourself. And you should make it happen, there is nothing sadder than kids that don't know their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins