Suan had taken a liking to taking a walk. I don�t mean a couple of times around the market place, I mean she�d walk. She�d take a little food and drink with her and she�d walk off into the desert. She used to say it was the only place where she could get any real peace. Of course I didn�t understand that, I�d never known real peace and didn�t miss what I�d never known. She sometimes would be gone for three or four days and If I was called away for work during that time I maybe wouldn�t see her for a week or more . the internal pressure would build in me making me explode when action was called for. I�d march to a town and scream at anyone I saw until I found the criminal I�d been sent to dispatch. Then I�d finish them messily stabbing through the neck as well as the head to ensure a nice spray of blood would mark me. Then I�d march to the nearest temple of Inanna and grab the first whore I could find. The blood on my skin and the look of my eyes and the tangibility of my aggression would terrify them and I�d hammer into them, anally until I was exhausted and spent feeding on their fear all the while. Many would scream throughout and the Chief of women would be sent for. But when she saw just who was causing the commotion they�d always withdraw into the shadows and be silent.
Then I�d sleep and when I awoke it was as if all my gauges had been reset and I could behave normally for a while. One time I had been woken by a young girl who was an acolyte and would one day be a full temple whore. She was very young being about 12 years and Inquisitive and asked a lot of questions of me at a time I would be most likely to answer them. In this way a relationship built between us and we eventually became lovers. I used to call her �my little one� because she was and the love between us was intense. She was so different to Suan in every way, more submissive more eager to please and would one day be more than a match for her beauty. I never thought where this relationship would take me but then in my prime my arrogance reigned supreme and I really didn�t care to think about outcomes that much. Her real name I discovered was Haellah which meant chosen of god or quite literally the one with the halo. She was so innocent which was why she was so good at her job. Hers was the task of greeting the merchants and other customers who frequented the temple. She was the girl who brought food and drink for weary travelers and she literally used to charm them with her innocent nature. It was her duality that was so attractive. In front of authority she was well behaved and compliant but behind closed doors she was like a little animal just wanting to rut all the time. I later discovered that she wasn�t as young or as innocent as she first appeared. She was too young to know of the real world and the kind of work I did even though obviously she had some idea. She�d very clearly led a sheltered life with her parents who had shielded her from the harsh reality of daily life. As a result she resented them. Even hated them to a degree. She wanted to be there where its at where something is always happening and she wasn�t looking forward to spending her life serving at the temple. One time lying next to her she shocked me with her talk. She had started bemoaning her parents influence and how she�d be free to choose her life if they were dead. I was shocked for all my aggressive potential. Here was a child complaining that her parents were a bad influence on her when I had never even known mine. I ordered her to silence and to never talk of the subject again. I pointed out that if anything suddenly happened to her parents and she was suspected then her end would come for her on swift wings. More than likely I would be the executioner and that was something I couldn�t bare to do again it rang too similar to me and Suan. So our relationship grew and I found myself at the temple more and more often just to accidentally bump into her. She was always there waiting. As time went on she got more and more adventurous sexually until there was nothing we didn�t do together. She also developed a masochistic streak and would like me to handle her roughly. One time she dared ask me to pretend I had been sent to kill her and play act it right up until the fatal stroke. That idea sent me into a shiver of revulsion and I beat her for it and left her. Over the next few weeks the idea seemed uncomfortable in my mind until I had come to terms with it. It changed from something I recoiled at the thought of to something that in some strange way got me excited. I resolved to explore the issue so one night I lay in wait for Haellah in my full ceremonial regalia and ambushed her a short way from her home. I stepped out from behind a rock the moonlight glinting off my armour and grabbed her by the throat, face to face I pulled her close to me still holding her in that excruciating embrace my nails sinking into the soft flesh of her throat stopping her from speaking. She convulsed with sexual pleasure immediately. I still don�t know what happened to me as she did so but I suddenly understood what it was this girl needed. So I said �I have come for you Haellah of Sippar� . I spoke the words directly into her face. Then I turned her head to the side and whispered it ever so gently into her ear as a lover would. She convulsed again. Next thing I knew I was taking her standing from the rear and convulsing in my own intense pleasure. This death play was something entirely new to me, the thought of death being erotic had never crossed my mind before. Thereafter I had even more motivation in battle. I enjoyed it even more the thought of my own possible death at the hands of the enemy sending me into a rapture of love for Marduk and hatred for the enemy. Because of this other brothers who had before thought of themselves as equals to me began to show signs of fear in their faces if I accosted them unexpectedly. I had learnt something wonderful from this little one or rather we�d learnt together as it required two to play this game. We walked off together holding hands into the forestand went to a small lake that we knew of. It was a little swampy but fish still slithered in it. The moon smiled at us from the water and we stripped and climbed in. it felt peaceful there under the stars just being together. We held hands a lot and then suddenly haellah disappeared under the surface her hold on my hand seemingly wrenched away. I looked around me for some sign of her and seeing none a flight of sudden panic flashed through my soul. Then with a splash she burst forth from the water laughing a struggling orange fish in her hands.
I said �that�s my haellah� and grabbed her to me admonishing her softly for her trick. But I couldn�t help but feel proud of her skill. We made love there on the bank of the lake with the moon watching discretely and I had never felt more in love with her and her me than at that point. I walked her home and drank from the well outside her house as I bid her goodnight. Her father ventured outside at the noise of our conversation. As he saw me he stopped dead still, terrified like a mouse hearing the hawk squeal behind it. I smiled and bid him to come over and drink with me. He turned out to be a very good man indeed. He ordered Haellah into the house and thanked me for bringing her home safely. I�m sure he knew there was more to our relationship than that but he certainly wasn�t about to broach that particular subject. It turned out that he had two daughters one of twelve and one of fourteen seasons. I was suddenly shocked to discover that Haellah was the eldest. I had still thought her twelve but her father had said one day it would be a blessing that she looked younger than she was. Privately I thought that in my case it was a blessing now. It made her seem less innocent in my eyes after that and I regarded her as a girl no longer. He also informed me that neither of the two girls were his natural offspring she was the child of a temple whore and they were raising her and her sister as their own. They were hoping that Father Ea would feel generous enough to send them a boy next time as is wife was incapable of bearing him children. They regarded the girls as children of god as they were born to sacred temple whores so they were overprotective to a certain degree. But only because they loved them so very much. I saw her even more frequently after that but something seemed to sour. She didn�t appreciate the new respect that I poured on her. She wanted me to treat her as if she was a child again she said that I was different when I treated her as a woman. I think she just didn�t like to be respected by a lover that much although she demanded it from her peers. It was all tied up with her confused sexuality and by that point her constant nagging on the subject just turned me off. I stayed away for a few weeks but the longer I did the more I missed her. I was waiting for the longing to disappear but the more time passed the more I felt burnt. Suan was away again and I didn�t expect to see her back again for a while and the pain and the longing in my heart turned my resolve to water and before I knew it I had walked half way to sippar telling myself all the time that I was going for another reason and consistently failing to come up with one. By the time I got there I had realized that I was totally in love with Haellah. She was just so different and exciting. Sex with her was always thrilling like being in battle whereas with Suan it was comforting. I knew by that point that the features of my character that made me an effective soldier were the drives that were being engaged whenever me and Haellah were together. And they were my primary drives after all it was what I was bred for. Suan would never be able to hold me with that comforting love I was too hot and aggressive for that. I suddenly realized that I resented her a little for comforting me and loving me and that confused me further. Was I that far gone that I could only scream and rage and kill. Was there no more the man in me that could love and cherish my woman as I had. I thought to resolve my differences I would speak again with Haellah and throw my confusion into her mind to see what she would make of it. But she wasn�t at the temple. The whores told me that something bad had happened that Haellah�s parents had been in dispute with their neighbours. That Haellah had gone to the temple of Shurra for guidance and told of the quarrels and fights between her elders and how it was getting more and more violent as time went on until she feared for both their safety. This didn�t sound correct to me the second I heard it. I had met haellah�s father he was a placid, peaceful man only interested in serving the gods by raising the children they had sent. So I went to the homes in a pretended official capacity. Both households were forbidden to leave the premises under threat of death. Just the fathers of each being allowed to leave each day to gather food for the family meal. I interrogated the father of the other family and found him to be honest and truthful in all he said. He said there had been no dispute. He had no idea how the priest had been found down the well with his throat cut. Haellah�s father recognized me as the marduk who had bought his daughter home safe and threw himself to his knees and begged me to believe that they were a peaceful family. That no one from either family had harmed the priest. He�d been saying to the authorities that it must be the work of marauding bandits. But this close to sippar that was impossible. Had bandits been in the area they would be hanging in pieces off the city walls by now. I realized this man�s dilemma. The law stated that any man who caused the death of a servant of god would be put to death himself. His life was hanging by a thread unless he could convince everyone that both families were innocent. He thought that was all he would have to do. He didn�t realize that the system was led by example. Even if it were discovered that bandits or some other were responsible it would still appear to many that the truth had been covered up. That he had been favoured or in some way the law didn�t apply to him,. That could cause insurrection. That wasn�t allowed. I knew this man would die and probably the father of the next house too. So I sent for Haellah. She was overjoyed at the sight of me. Throwing herself into my arms she kissed me passionately and buried herself under my arm. My heart swelled to be so close to her. I loved her truly I saw that now. All the pieces came together. She was so like me it was scary. Did I love myself or just appreciate her similarity in outlook. I never would be brave enough to answer that question and it was irrelevant anyway. I embraced her and nuzzled her neck. She squealed and came immediately. This was my girl I knew her of old I felt. I�d known her a little under two seasons and I wanted her more than anything I�d ever wanted before. As we pulled apart and faced each other I saw her smile slyly and realized that she had already taken steps that would prevent that from ever happening.
� what have you done child� I asked of her
� I have liberated myself from my oppressors� she answered.
�which oppressors� I asked her
�who do you think gar, my parents of course. I have done it and I did it without any assistance from you.�
�what are you talking about little one� I said �just what have you done�.
So she told me how she�d come up with a plan after hearing how a priest of Ea had been accidentally drowned in An irrigation channel. The foreman who was responsible for that channel was executed for his negligence. If it was good enough for the foreman it was good enough for her father. The father who lived next door was just an unfortunate victim. My blood ran cold when I heard this tale. She had lured the priest here performed her job of welcome which she did so well and had then drugged him unconscious. She had dragged him to the well pushed his head and shoulders over the edge then slit his throat. I pointed out to her that there was no evidence connecting her father with the crime as both fathers were claiming innocence. She pointed out that that�s exactly what they would say if they had been guilty and I immediately saw how clever she�d been. Her younger sister was also in on her plan and together they had told the priests that their father and the other were having a violent dispute. I wanted to scream and shout at Haellah for her folly. But that would do no good. So I took the only option available to me. I turned and left.
On my return home Suan would be there waiting for me with food and drink and tales of her adventures. I never told her all the details of mine. Then one day after she�d gone for a walk I was summoned to the command room by my superiors and given a mission. A set of neighbors had been feuding and a local priest of shurra had visited to settle the dispute. In some way the priest had been killed. Of course both families blamed the other and so after some deliberation the council had decided to set an example and execute them all. Both families would die. They were general laborers not land owners so it would be a very clean operation with no consequences other than to remind the local populace who was in charge. So four Marduk�s were sent. Me commanding we reached the village after four days march. It was dusk and we split and hit the house two by two. Me and my brother hit the house on the left and knocked on the door. I felt numb standing there. Like an automaton without feeling or emotion. It was answered by a young girl of no more than twelve. She pulled open the door and gasped at the sight of us standing there in our ceremonial armour. The evening light shining from our armbands and weapons. She knew what it meant this little one and backed away gesturing for us to come in. she led us to a central living area where her sister, not much older than her and her mother were sitting. The father wasn�t present and the mother explained that he had gone fishing for food for the evening meal. Just as she finished explaining the man returned and I heard his trepid steps down the hallway as he entered the house. As he came into the room I grabbed him by the back of the neck and sank my nails into him. I summoned the mother to follow and took them to their bed chamber. The man opened his mouth to protest and as he did so I stabbed him through the bottom of the chin so that the spear point on the underside of my sword came through the top of his head and he slumped there dead hanging free. The mother didn�t believe what she had just seen and her eyes glazed and her hands dropped to her sides just as the acrid smell of the man�s urine reached me as his bowels opened in death. I ran her through in the conventional manner of a quick thrust to the temple and ever so gently almost in slow motion she dropped to the floor and lay along side her departed husband. Returning to the living area I was surprised to see my brother had not followed his orders yet. One of the girls Haellah was dead blood leaked from her chest where she lay but the other, the younger one was bent over and my brother damn him was violating her. I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around then punched him hard on the jaw knocking him to the wall and then to the floor. In the same movement on the pull back from the punch I reversed my sword and used the already bloody spear point again. I thrust it through the back of her skull and she fell lifeless to the ground. Then I heard a cry from the other room. The cry of a newborn child and all at once a great wave washed over me and a great calmness settled upon me. The world went quiet but for the shrill piping of a bird far away outside. I knew it was the will of Marduk and I walked back to the room where the dead parents lay side by side. I saw on the bed a movement and heard the cry again. Pulling back the bed covering I saw an infant, a baby boy and seeing me he stopped his crying and smiled. There was no question of me killing this innocent. Not now I was filled with peace and I picked him up and held him to my chest. I carried him back to my groggy brother who I admonished severely and told him to get out. I left the home and on seeing my other brothers outside awaiting me I ordered them to fire both properties. We stood there my shamed brother and me and as the flames erupted before us and the night got cooler and darker around us, the heat on our chests and the chill on our backs. I sent the other three back to Babylon and waited til dawn so the local people would see me and know what had happened. News would spread fast and within the passage of a few days I would have become a dark angel on the lips of mothers in the vicinity. They would warn their children �be good unless you want that Marduk outside your home� and the children would be good and well behaved.
The child I dropped off at the temple of Inanna nearby. I had visited this particular one before but the last time I had been in this area was five years earlier when I had met Suan for the first time. It�s funny how whenever I�m in this area something always seems to go wrong. In my clean state I was welcomed but that soon changed when I screamed for a woman. Most of the whores scattered but one standing by a long low side table on the left just stood and stared. And my she was a beauty. She had the same facial features as my beloved Suan and the same colouring. Big blue eyes blinked at me and I strode forward grabbing her by the hair. She dropped the jug of wine she was holding and it shattered on the stone floor. I pushed her to the wall and bent her over and entered her in the accepted manner. She moaned and it drove me on pushing deeper and deeper into her harder and harder with each stroke until I exploded deep inside her. She shuddered at that and as I released her, her knees buckled and she fell to the floor where she lay on her side. I bent down and scooped her up and carried her over to the blue and purple cushions in the centre of the room where I laid her out and bent closer to her to examine her more carefully. She was so very similar to Suan except for her hair. It was a deep red colour and reminded me of the blood. I brushed some strands of it out of her face and then realized that it wasn�t natural. She had died it with the red dye taken from bulrushes that grew in the nearby marshes and only at the roots could I see her real colour. It was deep brown the same as Suans, almost black. She breathed shallowly and smiled up at me her big blue eyes so like Suan�s looking at me taking me all in. I asked her, her name and she whispered something. I didn�t hear what she said and leaned closer as I asked her again. �Cyrana� she whispered and I felt her hand on my chest as she reached out to touch me. This was very brave of her to touch me like that. It was another act of bravery that id only ever seen once before in a woman and it made me smile. She took my expression as an approval and she explored my bare chest with her hands. She smiled as she did this and I reminded myself that these whores didn�t see many men like me, having to serve rich, fat and ugly merchants most of the time. I must have been the answer to her dreams as I had been to Suan�s. a real man big and strong and answerable to no one. It was a shame I already had a woman because this one pleased me a great deal with her ways. She asked me not to leave her just yet so I sat down on a cushion next to her and we talked the talk for a while about life and such things. Of course I didn�t mention my little Suan at home and feeling a little guilty with myself I left and rushed back to the city overtaking my brothers. Urging them on constantly we made it back in two days. My shamed brother believed I�d made them all rush as a punishment to him for his wrongdoing. But it was for the love of Suan that I hurried to fill the ache in my heart. When I got back to my quarters she wasn�t there and the slaves said she hadn�t returned yet. It had been eight days and for a moment I was worried for her safety. But then it passed as I remembered who it was that I was worrying about. When the only thing you have to fear is fear itself then Suan would be fine always, because she was fearless. Four days later she returned with tales of a wonderful oasis she had found with fantastic views of the local area. She had camped there for a while and had become addicted to the sunrise she said and had wanted to view it a bit more before coming home. I was furious and told her off quite severely but I must have gone too far because next thing I knew she telling me that if I�m going to be like that about it she�s going for another walk to the same place to view the sunrise again for a few days more to give me a chance to calm down. And me being ever the consummate expert on women, let her go. What a fool. But at that time I was getting angry so I thought to myself �I�ll do that, I�ll go for a walk�, so I did. Can you guess where I went, yes, that�s right I went back to Sippar and the temple of inanna there with the blue tile walls that I had just returned from. The girl was there again and this time I allowed her to seduce me. She was better this time of course and I didn�t feel so guilty. She impressed me and we talked a lot. This time I was very complimentary and I stayed there for two days and took my time getting back. When I returned Suan was there and we apologized to each other for our earlier shortcomings. Then just a week later I was talking to my brothers in the hall of skulls when one of them mentioned a new whore had come to serve at out temple. A new whore, who had been asking about me by name. I wasn�t worried although I had Suan it wasn�t for her to complain to me of fidelity. Sex was sex and love was love and the two didn�t meet at all. We were allowed to take wives but in our society they were regarded as little more than consorts and every one man and women was supposed to use a prostitute once a year on a feast day to keep the temple coffers full. Generally very few Marduk�s took wives and it was thought of as not a very good idea. Having a woman around was a constant reminder of your mortality and for a holy soldier that�s a very bad thing. It also ate up your reserves of anger which also wasn�t a very good thing in a battle situation. So I went to the slaves quarters and saw her and asked her what it was she wanted and was very surprised when she told me. She said she thought that I had shown more than a normal interest in her after visiting her twice in a one week period. She had asked permission to serve at the temple of Marduk so that she may better serve me personally. So I asked my superiors what they were thinking of by allowing this and they told me that they had been impressed with the way my skills had increased and put it down to Suan�s influence. When they received a request from the chief of women at Sippar they had thought it quite a good experiment to see what I�d be like with two women attending me. Suan was off on another walk at this time so I moved Cyrana in and carried on as normal. Three pleasant days were spent with her as I awaited the return of my beloved and then I got another call to do my duty. I was away for three days and when I got back Suan was there, but there was no sign of Cyrana. Suan told me that there�d been an accident, a terrible accident. Everything that could be done had been but by the time she�d been found it was too late. She�d been discovered outside the city at the bottom of a small cliff. She�d bashed her head in the fall and had died soon after. I didn�t know what she�d been doing outside of the temple. She needed my permission to leave unlike Suan who only needed her own. The only thing I could find out was that one of my brothers had heard shouting and had seen Suan returning late that night in a hurry. I never pursued the matter with her. What would be the point. Cyrana was dead and on her journey and nothing would bring her back. Certainly no one else was unduly concerned about the death of a slave who had been disobedient in leaving in the first place. I tried to trace the family discreetly but after discovering that Cyrana�s only other sibling, a sister had been executed by a Marduk several years before. For refusing to serve at the temple she was a whore at. That made me think for quite a while, I can tell you but after a while I dropped the matter and thought no more about it.