Got any good stories or jokes? In the meantime this will have to do... (no offense to anyone) Definition of perfect pitch : when you throw an accordion in the skip and it lands on the banjo smashing both instruments. A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator" Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and large pizza? A: A large pizza can feed a family of four. Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit? A: The Defendant. Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher? A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept. Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks. Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players? A: It saves time in the long run. Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet? A: About three decibels. Q: What's the definition of a minor second interval? A: Two soprano sax players reading off the same part. Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone? A: On or off. Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist? A: A bad oboist can kill you. The girl singer, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now." He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?" Q: Why do people play trombone? A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time. Q: How many trombonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, but it's the only thing they won't screw. Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen? A: Put it in a viola case. Q: What will you never say about a banjo player? A: That's the banjo player's Porsche. Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed. Q: There are two tuba players sitting in a car. Who's driving? A: The policeman. Q: What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning? A: Puts on her clothes and goes home. Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon? A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon. Q: What do you call the guy who hangs out with the musicians in the band? A: The drummer. Tuba player: "Did you hear my last recital?" Friend: "I hope so." Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs. Music: A complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is abhored by the audience. Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time. Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend. |
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