note: Don't ask me where my mind was.
note 2000: This is a real tear-jerker...
companion piece to Sword of Awakening

He quietly slipped into the room of the large Kyoto inn, taking pains not to be heard. He glided toward the figure, sitting on the bed, back toward him.
"Good evening, Kenshin."
"Damn!" The 17 year old Kenshin laughed. "How did you know I was there?" He crawled onto the bed, his loose, mid-thigh length hair getting in the way.
"I felt the air pressure change when you opened the door. Really, Kenchan, did you think I'd not notice that?" Soushi Okita looked over his shoulder and smiled.
Kenshin smiled in return at the pretty 24 year old, his loose brown hair tumbling over his shoulders. "I should have known better," Kenshin chuckled, sliding his arms around Okita's waist. He leaned his head against Okita's, and squeezed him gently.
"Jinei got away," Okita said casually. "We almost had the bugger, but he got away. We think he's headed for Obe, but we can't spare anyone to look for him. We have to keep on our toes or we'll find ourselves at the wrong end of a certain hitokiri's sword." "Hey, now! I thought we didn't bring our work lives into the bedroom!" Kenshin protested. "We knew that when we got together that outside we were enemies."
"Enemies and lovers," Okita said, then coughed.
"Did you go to the doctor?" Kenshin sounded worried.
"Yes," Okita said, stiffening.
"Soujiro..." Kenshin murmured, using Okita's true name.
"Tuberculosis," he said flatly.
Kenshin felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach. His heart gave a painful wrench, as tears filled his eyes. He gave his love a hug as much for him as Okita.
They had been together now for exactly 6 months. It had been wonderful from the beginning, the only trouble- hiding it from their comrades.
Okita was the captain of the first group of Shinsengumi.
Kenshin was the now legendary Hitokiri Battousai, who protected people from the swords of the Shinsengumi.
Yet, Kenshin had fallen hard for the beautiful captain. The dreams he had of Okita following the first three months since their first meeting had prompted the redhead to corner Okita in downtown Kyoto.
Okita had been shopping like a normal person, and Kenshin had cornered him in a deserted part of the market. Flushed and stammering, he had asked Okita to come to an inn with him, hoping for his favor. Warily, never one to back away from a challenge, Okita had said yes. The beautiful Kenshin, with the trademark scar, had been too irresistible. Somehow, an actual relationship had begun, warmth and love springing up between the two of them. If only there was no war... But now, it didn't matter.
"Kenshin, I'm not ready to die," Okita said, a catch in his voice. "I know the job I do takes me closer to death every moment I wield my katana, but I never thought I'd ever die. This scares me." He turned in Kenshin's arms and buried his face in Kenshin's chest. He began to cry, his sobs punctuated by the coughing that had plagued him for the last month. "I want so badly for this war to end. We could go to Tokyo and be together. If we tried it now, they'd just find us. And probably kill us."
"Do you remember the first time we met?" Kenshin asked softly, trying to take Okita's mind off everything.
"Yes. It was mid-February. A very cold February. We were about to kill three members of the party. You were the new protector. You killed the captain of the second troop of Shinsengumi that night. And three of my troop, as well."
"When I faced off against you, you said you couldn't stay and play with the baby, and you ran."
"I didn't run! I left because my work was not to kill you, but to kill those others. But then I found out who you were. I should have killed you that night."
"Why? So we wouldn't come to this?"
"No. Kenchan, you know I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you. You're important to me."
"You're important to me, as well."
"I'm going to die, Kenchan. The doctor says I don't have a more than two months. That's why I should have killed you. To spare you seeing me die."
"I'm going to be with you as much as possible. I wish I could take care of you properly."
"I got you a present," Okita disentangled himself from Kenshin's embrace, and walked to the corner. He pulled out a pretty purple kimono, and brought it over. "I thought it would look wonderful on you."
"It's wonderful, Okichan," Kenshin smiled. He took the kimono graciously, then set it aside. He pulled out a short katana. "I got you this to replace the one you lost a week ago."
"Thank you, Kenshin," Okita smiled bravely. "I promise to never draw your blood with it."
Kenshin opened his arms.
Okita took one look, dropped the katana, and then fell into Kenshin's waiting arms, sobbing madly. "I- I- I d-d-don't wanna die!"
Kenshin held him closely, tears gently falling from his eyes. "How am I going to go on without you, Soujiro?"
"With a strong heart and mind," Okita sniffled. "I don't want you to kill yourself over me. I'd spurn you wherever I am. Someday you'll find someone else, and he'll love only you."
"No."
"Yes. Because you have a wonderful soul, and you deserve the love of someone. He'll probably be an enemy, like me."
"Now, why would I put myself through torture that that again, Okichan?"
"Because you're daring. Forbidden fruit is a delicacy you won't be able to ignore."
"No, I live by the sword, and I'll die by the sword. Probably before I'm 20. And with you gone, I won't fight it." He hugged Okita fiercely. "I love you so much."
"Hold me tonight," Okita murmured.
"I'll never let you go," Kenshin whispered, as they laid on the bed.
Okita made love to Kenshin as if they'd never see each other again. Reflecting the mood, Kenshin responded avidly, drinking in every second they spent together.
When Kenshin awoke the next morning, all there was left was a note from Okita.
"Kenshin, my love," it read, "Please remember that I love you. And for this reason, I've decided to put distance between us. I'll never meet with you again in this fashion. I hope you'll understand, that this will just spare you pain in the end.
"I'll think of you often in my last days. I know you wanted to be by my side for this, but I wish to be alone.
"Please live. Please remember me. Please, don't cut yourself off from the world.
"I'll be with you forever, in your heart. I'll treasure the memories of you until the moment I'm gone.
"I love you. Soushi Soujiro."

Kenshin walked into the house from the dreary, dark day, a silent figure in black. He walked up to the small shrine for Okita, and kneeled in front of it. He scratched slightly at the bandages around his forehead, and covering the scar of his cheek. His hair was streaked black with coal.
He bowed his head, though not so proud as to hide the tears that flowed freely.
"Okichan," he said softly, his voice thick with tears. "Thank you for everything you've ever given me. I hope I gave you what you needed." He got up, bowed to the shrine, then turned to the body.
Okita looked peaceful in death, no signs of the disease that claimed his life around him.
"Who were you to him?" A low voice beside him asked.
Kenshin turned slightly, and looked up to see Saitou Hajime.
"Soujiro was my heart," Kenshin replied softly. "I hope that I was his, as well."
"You were the secret lover that he took so many pains to hide?"
"I suppose I was," Kenshin sniffled. Saitou handed him a handkerchief, and Kenshin wiped his tears with it. "Thank you," he said, handing it back.
He stepped up to the body. "My love. Okita. Rest in peace, always," Kenshin leaned down to kiss Okita one last time, then stepped back. "No matter what you say, Okichan. The rest of my life will be a void without you. But I'm so glad I knew you." Kenshin bowed once more, then walked toward the exit.
"His last words were for you," Saitou called to his back.
Kenshin froze.
"He said, 'Kenchan, keep the wind at your back, and fly free always. I love you, my heart'."
"Thank you," Kenshin said softly, voice quavering. He walked out, and looked up into the sky, as a beam of sunshine broke through the clouds, perhaps as a tribute. "I'll fly free, Okita. And I'll love you always."

All characters copyright Nobuhiro Watsuki
All story contents copyright 1997 Michiru