My husband and I had our mind set on having one more baby, � a playmate for our daughter Macie.� Unplanned, � I found out I was pregnant in Feb. � 2002. � We were both very excited, � but I admit to being very scared too. � 2 babies to take care of. � How will I do it?
My pregnancy was pretty smooth. � I gained a bunch of weight like normal. � Found out that I was having a girl which was even more exciting. � Had a lot of names picked out, � and my husband, � Josh, � picked out Katelyn.� Everyone seemed to really like that.
The biggest memory I have of Katelyn is that whenever�Macie and I would be singing she would really start kicking me. � One particular moment sticks out in my mind when Macie and I were singing "My Sacrifice" by Creed, � Katie�was really kicking me. � It was like she was telling me, � "I want to be out there with you guys."
My due date was Sept. 29 2002. � As the summer rolled on, � still everything was normal. � Late in Oct. � Katelyn was moving much less, � she even stopped. � When she did stop I called my doctor and I ran in to get checked out, � and her heartbeat was normal. � So I was figuring that she must be about ready to arrive.
� Tuesday Sept 3rd in the evening I started to have contractions. � At around midnight I called my husband at work�to tell him to get home. � Evenually�it was time to get to the hospital (wanted some drugs quick, lol).� Arriving at the hospital my contractions were getting worse and worse. � So painful!!!� Finally get settled in a room, � all�the nurses running around. � Then do an ultrasound to try to find her�heartbeat,� and at that point they just said that they just couldn't find it. � They tried for like an hour. � So we then�had to wait for my doctor to�arrive (i think the nurses�knew then, � just wanted the doc. to confirm).� Once my doc.�checked it all out, � she�broke the news.� Its probably the most worse, � horrible, � terrifying news�any one can receive. � She�was gone.
� I think my feelings were mostly of shock at�first.� It couldn't be true. � My life is planned out with her being in it.��Josh and I just broke down�crying,� holding each other Then the time had came for me to push. � Which was even harder for me knowing she was dead. � But it didn't take long. � She was born that morning Sept 4th. � I held her right�away.� There are no words to describe my feelings then. � I just wanted�her�alive.� She was so beautiful, � just like her�sister.� Then blame started to enter my mind, � "What did�I do wrong."
An autopsy was performed, � cause of death: intrauterine demise.
After they cleaned her�up I was able to hold her again, � as did some of my family. � Had to say our�goodbyes.� So now I had to plan a funeral. � Luckily I�got a lot of help from my mother-in-law as well as others. � We had a�small�graveside service�Sept. 6th. � The worse day in my whole life. � I would�know have to�change my whole future plans,��which to this day, � and probably the rest of my life I will struggle with.�
I know now that Katelyn had a greater purpose in life.��To watch me and my family from above. � To keep us safe and happy. � But I admit there are days when I feel like I would be happier if she was here with me. � This little girl had touched so many lives, � it amazes me. � Our little angel up above she what she is know.� But she is also my daughter. � I miss her like crazy, � but I will one day see her again.��
�A letter to Katelyn:
Hi�honey!� I know you are probably super�busy with�your angel duties.� But I just wanted to say hello. � And to let you know that I�am�thinking about you all the time. � But you probably already know that. � Your daddy and I miss you very much, � but�we know that you have a job to do. � So keep a good eye on�us,� and keep us out of harms way. � And know�that we love very very much!� Be a good�girl up there.��
From your�Mommy��
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