The everyday fight I have against myself is like a raging soldier going after his target. Total and complete war. War against my thoughts, my words, and my actions.
Like a soldier who is left injured and weaponless begging for his enemy to have mercy on his soul, is the same way my spirit begs for the mercy of itself against my flesh and blood. Without peace, neither is ever restless.
It's an insightful, unstoppable, raging, internal war.
A war is said to end only with victory of the opposing team, correct?
well my internal war is never ending. I am black and cold with no answers. Anything goes and nothing is limitless.
And war is a place where peace cannot reside.
My soul is longing for peace while my flesh and blood is fighting against it. That, my friend, is a war in itself, and how do you kill the void of opposite?
Some say opposites attract, and well, I say opposites collide. A crash collision that leaves my heart and every state of my being with nothing left to live for and no sense of hope.
Even if there were a sense of hope that teased me with its resulting effect. it leaves me asking myself, "is it worth the risk?" Would I take that peace in its entirety and never let go? Would you?
Why reach when full knowing the end result? For I know that peace can't and won't last forever. It would be worthless to set myself up for disappointment all to satisfy the urge of killing my war. Nothing is perfect and undoubtedly my peace would die off. Then the war that I'm so familiar with and its repetitive nature, will joyoulsy let itself back in--All over again....
But as I awake from my internal dream, I begin to see, that beyond all of my understanding lies a kind of hope that no one but the Lord can provide. For my mind, body, soul and most important - my spirit. With this kind of hope, the chance to grasp what others call the impossible, is at an all-time high. I know that within - I believe I can be rescued. I believe my war can be exchanged for peace. I believe, if nothing else, I am not fighting this battle alone. He is with me.
