Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's two theories to arguing with a women. Neither one works.
We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.