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I think, and so I told CC, that for me to not tell my parents is equivalent to hoping that they will die before they find out by accident.
Anyway, what is really interesting is that ever since I started living with them, I would periodically tie myself in knots over how and whether to tell Sensei and Patty. Now it's done. And before I've told Mom and Dad, about whom I seem much calmer.
For the record, here is how I've come out so far:
| Jim | Sometime in 1969 |
| Bob | July, 1980 |
| Barry | December, 1980 |
| CC | December/January 1980/81 |
| Susie | February, 1981 |
| Mike | April, 1981 |
| Wells | July, 1981 |
| Sensei & Patty | August, 1981 |
I told Sensei that I was gay because he and Patty were planning a six week vacation in the Rockies and, in passing, they mentioned that Taiji would be well cared for because I would remain with him in Washington. Much of our most important communication occurred "in passing."
If it seems strange that a man might leave his son with his student (even a student who is also his friend) without extended discussion, perhaps it is. But the hallmark of my personal relationship with Sensei has always been it's reliance on a mutual intuition about what is appropriate behavior between us. I don't know how Sensei conceives it. I always have an extended discussion for both of us inside my head. This time the "discussion" centered on my real relationship to Taiji.
In some ways, I had been playing at being a parent to Taiji for more than a year. At the first parent-teacher night at his high school I took his father in tow and we went together to meet his teachers. I took the lead as we went from classroom to classroom. Personally, I was clear about what I wanted in Taiji's education. I wanted courses that were taught to his intellectual level, not his language level. I wanted his teachers to know that he was not stupid; that he shouldn't be allowed to make any excuse for not working based on a lack of English. I wanted them to know that if they pulled, we (I) would push. I wanted his teachers to know that if they didn't pull, then someone (me) would notice--someone who knew enough about the system to make things uncomfortable for them.
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