June 2, 1981 On the Plane from San Francisco to Washington

Two Sundays ago Sensei gave Andy and me a private and special class. Patty came too, of course. I don't think that she would miss a chance like that for the world. Already I've told people about that class three times. He had two lessons: (1) watch the center, ignore side issues; (2) spiritual strength (presence? calm? non-absence?) is the essence of any other kind of strength.

Andy and I tried these lessons on each other with shinai. At the end of an hour, we both had bloody fingers from hitting each other. But it was exhilarating and very special. Two nights later when we got to the dojo for the second class, I still felt we both would have glowed in the dark. Aikido may well be a form of love.

After that the week blurs. I started work on the new weapons cost data base for the government, and I spent a lot of time working on a proposal for social service delivery and tracking to the State of Louisiana. Wells came and went--largely ignored, I'm afraid. Then last Thursday I tested for nindan, and Saturday morning I flew to Denver to see Barry.

My nindan test was strange. I don't know whether I passed or not. Patty told me beforehand that Andy, Charles and I are being pushed (It was obvious without her saying so.) and she doesn't completely approve of non-technical or semi-technical promotions. Sensei no doubt saw and heard her disapproval in more than one form. So the customary rule--Sensei asks you to test; Sensei thinks you are ready--may not hold.

Technically the test wasn't hard. More than anything else I think it was designed to last for twenty minutes and leave us exhausted. He had us do basics: ikkyo through yonko suwari waza, shiho nage, irimi nage, tenchi nage, jo and tachi dori. All I can say is that I did what I did honestly. I felt unruffled through most of it. I do not blend well with Patty's very serious style of attack; Thurston is strong as an ox; and I need much more jo and tachi dori practice. It was very instructive. I was surprised not to be overwhelmed by the shinai randori. I got hit some, but eventually I got hold of Charles from the side and use him for a shield. I wonder what we are really supposed to do in that kind of situation? I think I missed some things during practice because I am scared of the power in my best technique. I suppose I can believe that there really is a limit to the kind of strength you get from muscles. For me a low limit.

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