PHANTOM OF MY HEART

Thanks to Lindsay for this fiction

Chapter 1
Jacob lay his head back on his pillow. With his arms resting across his chest, he took a deep sigh and watched the slow rise and fall of his stomach.

"Bored?" a voice asked from the doorway.

Jacob glanced up, feeling his lips give way to a smile. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Me and Trevor were gonna go shoot some hoops, if you're interested," Ashley offered, stepping into the room. He pretended to shoot an imaginary ball across the room, making the shoosh sound as the ball went into the net.

"No thanks."

"You sure? I mean, for someone who's bored you're certainly not doing much to rid yourself of the boredom factor."

Jacob shrugged his shoulders uneasily, turning his eyes away from Ashley's stare. "I'm just not in the mood. You guys go on without me. I could use a little quiet time to myself... you know, catch up on some of them zzz's."

His face held a puzzled look at Jacob's words, but the expression soon vanished, replaced with a smile. "All right, well you know where to find us if you need us." With that, he stepped out the door as quietly as he had entered.

Jacob tightly squeezed his eyes shut. Rolling over on his side, his arm slipped underneath the pillow. He gripped the sheets until his knuckles turned white. He sat up, unable to take it anymore.

He had to tell Ashley the truth.

*****

Ashley and Trevor strolled through the front door, bouncing their basketball down the hall as they walked. Jacob was sitting on the couch, a coffeecup resting in his lap. He barely glanced up at them as they came in the room.

"You okay, man?" Trevor asked, plopping down on the couch beside him.

Jacob jumped at the sound of his voice. "Geez, you scared me. I didn't even see you come in."

Trevor looked up at Ashley, worry written on his face. "Sorry. So, uh, what have you been up to all afternoon?"

"Just thinking." His fingers stroked the handle of the mug.

"About...?"

"Everything. I just don't know anymore."

Trevor sighed. This conversation was getting no where. Jacob was purposely dodging all of his questions. Jacob knew what he was asking, he was just refusing to give out the information Trevor wanted. "You don't know about what? Jacob, you can talk to me. I'm not going to judge you, no matter what you say."

Jacob shook his head. "Nah, nevermind. It's nothing." Suddenly, a smile spread across his face. "Hey, I ordered a pizza. It should be getting here soon." He jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen, leaving Trevor and Ashley alone.

"Is it just me, or has he been acting weird a lot lately?" Trevor asked.

"He's definitely been acting weird," Ashley spoke. "I'm not sure what to make of it. You think we should ask the others? Maybe they know something we don't. Whatever Jacob's problem is, we've got to figure it out before he ruins himself by bottling it up inside."

*****

Dan pulled his sweatshirt over his head and tossed it onto the kitchen table. "What's going on?" he asked. "I thought you said we were going to have a group meeting."

"We are," Trevor answered him.

"So where's Underwood?" he raised an eyebrow.

Ashley pulled out a chair and sat down. He waved his arm at the other chairs around the table, silently telling the others to join him. "Actually, Jacob is the reason we called this meeting. Don't you guys think he's been acting strange?"

Erik nodded his head. "I have, but I mean, I don't think it's anything to worry about. Our first album just went on sale and we're officially a group... I'm sure his mind is just wondering about our future."

"Do you really think it's our future he's wondering about, or just his?" Ashley questioned.

"Huh?" Dan toyed with edge of the tablecloth. His palms felt sweaty. "What are you talking about?"

Ashley glanced over at Trevor, waiting for the signal. He gave a slight nod and Ashley continued. "We think that Jacob is considering dropping out of the group."

Chapter 2
Jacob quietly closed the front door behind him and pulled the car keys out of his pocket. He climbed into the car and started the ignition, backing out of the driveway without looking back at the darkened house.

He drove about three blocks down the road, and then made a right into the main section of the city. He parked his car in front of a hotel and slowly got out, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

He hastily wiped his feet off on the red mat at the door before pushing past the night guard and heading over to the public telephones. Jacob inserted three quarters into the slot and dialed the number.

"Hello?" a female voice answered the other end.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Jacob? Is that you?"

He nodded into the phone. "Of course. I missed you, baby." Just the sound of her voice calmed his racing heartbeat. His fingers wrapped around the phone cord as he talked.

"I missed you, too. I couldn't stop thinking about you all day. I was a little nervous about you telling Ashley, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized... it doesn't matter what Ashley thinks. All that matters is how we feel for each other, right?"

"Right," he said, almost half heartedly.

"I take it that it didn't go well, then. I'm sorry for being so blunt, I--"

"No, it's not that." Jacob tapped his fingers against the receiver. "I didn't tell him. I couldn't bring myself to do it... at
least not alone. I need you to be here with me." 

He could hear her deep sigh. "That settles it, then. I'll catch the first plane out tomorrow morning. We'll tell him together."

*****

Jacob dropped the keys, raising his hands into the air. "What's going on?" he asked. He kicked the front door closed with his foot. He eyes attempted to adjust to the light shining in his face in the darkness of the living room. Four bodies standing before him began to take form.

"Where did you go?" Erik asked, shining a flashlight into his face.

Jacob's hands flew to shield his eyes from the bright light.
"For a drive, is that okay?"

Dan grabbed the flashlight from Erik and tossed it onto the floor. "He's not under arrest, Erik. Chill. J, why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't realize I needed to tell you guys everything I do. I needed to go out for a little bit, do some more thinking."

"It seems like more often than not, you've secluded yourself from the rest of the group to do thinking. We're really worrying about you, man. Why don't you tell us what's going on inside that head?" Trevor asked, trying to be patient with him.

Jacob brushed past them. He stopped halfway down the hall and turned back to look at them. "My private thoughts are just that, private. I don't need to explain to you what I'm thinking about, and I wish you guys would respect my space a little bit more. I thought we were past this crap."

Dan rushed over and placed a comforting arm around Jacob's shoulder. He gave his shoulder a firm squeeze. "We are, sorry man. We were worrying that you were considering dropping out of the group... are you?"

He pushed Dan's arm away. "What?!? Of course not! Where the heck you guys get these dumb ideas is beyond me. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed." He continued down the hall and turned into his bedroom.

The four of them stood there, staring after him. They heard the sound of his bedroom door closing and turned towards Ashley.

"What?" he asked, pretending to be innocent. "Why's everyone looking at me like that?"

"You got us into this mess," Erik grinned, throwing a pillow at him. "Geez, Ash. Next time you get a crazy idea, don't suck us into your web."

Chapter 3
"Jacob, I can't make it tomorrow. My uncle is in the hospital and I have to stay here with him. Maybe by the end of the week I'll be able to fly down, but until then... please don't be so hard on yourself. Try to relax. I'll call you later. Bye."

Jacob replayed the message again and again until he had every word memorized. She wasn't coming down? He understood that she needed to be with her uncle, but how was he going to be able to stop agonizing over just being in the same room with Ashley.

He knew that Ashley had to learn the truth. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Ashley had been in so much pain over the past weeks, going on and off in relationships with Shelli... could he really be so cruel as to torture him some more?

"Did you get your message?" Dan asked, appearing in the doorway.

"Yeah, I did. Thanks." He glanced out the window, trying to keep his gaze on anything but Dan's eyes.

Dan nodded. "It sounded kind of urgent, so I just wanted to make sure you got it."

Jacob cleared his throat. He toyed with his fingers, his mind frantically working to create a good yet believable excuse. "Yeah. I, um, was planning on telling you guys that I was going to have a friend down, but it kind of slipped my mind."

"Ah, no problem."

Dan sat down on the couch, his eyes on Jacob across the room. He seemed to be becoming more and more distant as time went on. He still couldn't figure him out. What was becoming of the Jacob Underwood he had once known? Would he ever get back to normal?

Dan was dying to know what was eating away at Jake's soul, but he refused to pry into his life. He had said just yesterday that his business was for him and only him, unless he felt like sharing it. Dan didn't want to invade his private space, but the group was almost walking on pins and needles around Jacob, in attempts to help him solve the mysterious problem keeping his head in the clouds.

"Aight, well, I'm going to go see what the others are up to. You wanna come along?"

Jacob shook his head. "I'll stay here. I've been working on some more songs. Maybe I'll be able to perfect them while I have some peace and quiet."

"Good idea."

Dan walked out of the room and leaned back against the wall. He let out a heavy sigh. "Jake, talk to us," he whispered, peeking his head around the corner of the doorway to get one last look at his friend. "We're here for you, man. Put a little trust in us."

*****

Ashley lifted his fork and scrapped the food around on his plate. A lonely piece of meat slammed into the mound of mashed potatoes.

"Were you planning on eating your dinner, or just playing with it?" his date asked, a huge grin on her face.

"Sorry, Jules. I guess I'm just a little distracted tonight."

Julie set down her fork and carefully wiped her mouth with the red napkin she had draped across her lap. She reached her hands across the table and placed them over top of Ashley's. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Shelli's mom called me this morning. She said Shel's uncle was in the hospital. He's not doing too well and I'm pretty worried."

Julie squeezed his hand. "Worrying isn't going to make the situation any better, sweetie. Call the hospital and talk with them, find out what's been happening. Your mind won't be at ease until you do."

"You don't mind if I take a quick break from our date?"

"No. This is more important. I'll wait here."

Ashley climbed to his feet and walked out into the lobby of the restaurant. He made his way over to the pay phones and inserted some money into the slot. After calling information, he got the number of the hospital. 

"Shelli? It's me, Ashley."

"Ash?" her voice sounded so good to him. He could already feel his pulse begin to pick up pace. He thought he was over her for good this time, but it was beginning to look like he was wrong. "How did you know I'd be here?"

"Your mom told me. How's Jerry? I've been worrying all day about you -- I mean, him."

He could hear the voices of doctors scurrying down the hall in the background. "He's much better. They finally got him out of ER and into his private room. They're unsure what started the problem, so they're still monitoring him. The doctor said he should be able to go home in a few days... if they can determine what caused him to stop breathing so suddenly."

The line got quiet. Ashley felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, just knowing that everything was okay back home.

"You still there, Ash?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I'm glad that he's better. Look, I've got to go, but I'll call you tonight when I get back to the house. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I'll be back home by then so call me there. Talk to you soon."

Ashley replaced the phone in the receiver and went back to his table. Julie was sitting there, sipping her water. "Is everything okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, he's fine now. Thanks for being so understanding."

"Hey, that's what friends are for." She passed the basket of rolls his way and he took one. Spreading some butter on her own roll, she stated, "You know the funny thing is, Jacob was telling me how his friend's uncle is in the hospital too. Funny how things work out that way, huh?"

Ashley swallowed hard. "What?"

Chapter 4
Ashley's eyes burned into Jacob's. Was it really possible that Jacob would stab him in the back like that? Would Jacob really stoop so low as to date his ex-girlfriend only days after he had broke it off with her, knowing that he still had feelings for her? Just the thought of it made him want to vomit.

"Yo, Ashley, snap out of it," Erik snapped his fingers in front of Ashley's face bringing him back to reality.

"Huh?" he asked, still in a daze.

"You've been giving J the evil eye all evening. Something going on between you two?"

Ashley scoffed. "Why don't you ask him."

Erik rolled his eyes heavenward. "Why don't you make it easy on me and tell me yourself? 'Fess up now."

As the guys were finishing up their rehearsal for their first tour of the United States, the skies were beginning to darken. The sun was slowly vanishing from the sky to settle in for the night underneath the clouds. A low rumble of thunder could be heard over the laughter and voices inside the studio.

Ashley's fingers nervously tapped the desk he was sitting at. His back was slumped down in the chair and his legs were stretched far out in front of him. "I think he's seeing my girl."

"Shelli? I thought you guys broke it off, and even if you were still together... do you really think that he would do something like that?" Erik's voice cracked. He glanced away from Ashley for just a second too long.

"Do you know something I don't?" Ashley sat up in his chair. His eyes had turned to a fiery blue blaze. Catching Erik off guard, his hands reached out and grabbed the collar of his shirt. He pushed his head back against the headrest of the chair. "Tell me!"

Ashley's frantic screams caught Dan's attention. "Whoa! Ash!" He pulled Ashley off him as Erik struggled to regain his breath. "What's going on over here?"

"I wish I knew," Ashley mumbled. "I'd be nice to get the truth out of my friends for once." He jumped up and grabbed his hat off the coatrack and ran outside to calm down.

Drops of rain were falling as he opened the door to the outside. He bent down and picked up a few pebbles lying on the ground, rubbing them around in his hands. He threw one across the parking lot, watching it bounce off the roof of a black Toyota.

It had to be true. Jacob had to be seeing his girl. All the signs were pointing to it. How else could you explain the fact that he had talked to a girl in the same situation as Shel? He just didn't understand why he would do something like that to him, and why Erik would cover it up if it was true.

He started wandering off through the parking lot, not even paying attention to where his feet were carrying him. Right now he didn't care. He didn't care about the band, about the guys. All he cared about was getting to the bottom of this whole thing and finding out once and for all if it was really true.

Right now wasn't the time for it, though, if it involved him coming face to face with Jacob. He couldn't stand to look at him anymore. He was so disgusted to think that he had once trusted him considered him a brother only to have him do this behind his back. Never again would he feel like J was his brother. They weren't even friends.

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