Author's Note: Well, I have not written in a very long time, but I thought I'd give it a try today. I hope you enjoy.

Main Character: Ashley Angel
 
 

    Ashley studied the crowd carefully. He knew it was foolish and risky of him to be doing what he was doing, but he didn't care. He needed to be alone, and he needed to know that he could simply go out and be himself. He needed a quick break from the guys, and the craziness surrounding them. Being on the new tour with Britney was nothing short of amazing, but it didn't negate the fact that he had to be able to relax once in a while and reflect on his life; the life that seemed so incredibly different from only a year and a half ago. A life that he never would have dreamed could be his own, until now...

    As he walked down the long pathway of the mall, he spotted a trendy coffee store, and he knew he had to go in and get something, maybe some hot chocolate. It was snowing outside, and it would help to keep him warm on his walk to the bus stop. After all, ditching security and not letting anyone know where he was going, after leaving the hotel, didn't leave him with much in the means of transportation.

    Mike and the rest of their bodygaurds were going to be pretty angry when they discovered that Ashley had gone AWOL.

    Ashley rounded the corner to the store and fumbled when a woman in a hurry to leave bumped right into him, spilling her Christmas shopping bags to the floor with several presents scattering around them.

    "Oh!" she cried.

    "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry miss. I didn't see you coming," Ashley mumbled in embarrassment as he bent down to retrieve her items.

    Ashley kept on collecting her presents and placing them back in the department store bags, never once looking up to the woman standing in front of him.

    "Ashley," he heard her whisper, her voice so faint he thought he might have imagined it.

    Not looking up, he silently prayed she wouldn't turn out to be some crazed fan who would scream and soon thereafter have the entire mall chasing him down 3rd street to the bus. She had obviously recognized him, and that wasn't a good sign.

    Daring to look up at her, Ashley finished with her bags and slowly stood. As he did, he swore his heart stopped for a moment when he finally looked at the young woman's face for the first time.

    "Oh my God," he gasped when he saw her. He couldn't believe his eyes. This must be some sick trick his lonely heart was playing on him.

    She searched his crystal blue eyes frantically hoping for some kind of emotion. God, how long had it been since she'd seen him last? Not counting mtv and the show, it had to be almost two years, and yet she instantly felt those butterflies in her stomach that threatened to make her knees go weak.

    "Please say something Ashley," she said as she was pushed toward him by the crowds of people trying to get out of the store and back to their last minute Christmas shopping.

    Ashley stared at her silently; not able to fully comprehend the feelings for this woman that had literally slammed back into him after one look into her eyes.

    "Jules," he finally managed to whisper back at her.

    Julia was in his arms instantly, the feeling of his strong arms gripping her body to him tightly making her smile against the smooth side of his cheek as she buried her nose in the crook of his neck.

    Ashley held her as close as he could possibly get her. His heart was pounding so frantically against his chest, he knew she would be able to feel every ecstatic beat.

    "What are you doing here?" She finally asked, reluctantly pulling back from his embrace and looking at him.

    Ashley cleared his throat, hoping to dispel some of the tears and emotion that had threatened to break free while holding her.

    "Umm, just doing some last minute Christmas shopping for a lot of people on the tour. I..., we're in town doing a show tomorrow night. It's our last one, before we leave for break," he stumbled a few times, breathless with the excitement of running into her of all people.

    "What about you? My God, I don't know where to start," he began.

    "I feel so horrible Julia. We haven't spoken in so damn long. Too long," he said, moving with her as they stepped out of the way to the door and walked toward a table.

    "I know," Julia said her voice devoid of emotion. She hid it well.

    "Well, let's see. I'm in my second year at the University here and I've been living downtown for about eighteen months. I have my own apartment a few blocks away," she explained as he pulled out a chair for her at a cozy table for two and then joined her.

    "Wow, that is so amazing. I am so happy for you. I always knew you'd pursue your dreams like that," he responded, not able to resist reaching out and taking a hold of one of her hands resting on top of the table.

    Julia allowed him to hold her hand as she rubbed her thumb back and forth across his knuckles a few times. She needed a minute to think. She had to calm down.

    "Julia..." he began, knowing the he needed to explain. He had to make it right.

    "You really don't have to Ashley. You don't owe me anything," she said quietly lifting her eyes to a young waitress who appeared waiting to take their order.

    "Oh, um I'll have a hot chocolate please," Julia asked, her warm, brown eyes shining.

    Ashley smiled to himself and looked to the waitress whose eyes widened when she finally looked toward him.

    "No way!" Her voice screeched, and Ashley cringed. He loved all fans, but now was most definitely not the time.

    "Hi...it's nice to meet you. I'll have the same, thanks." He said trying to be polite but make it obvious that he wished to be left alone.

    "Right, umm, ok, two hot chocolates. I'll be right back!" She giggled, practically running away.

    Ashley looked back to Julia and smiled when he saw her trying not to laugh.

    "What's so funny?" He asked.

    "Oh nothing, I just can't believe ole' Ashley Angel finally has the girls screaming his name," she replied, picking nervously at the napkin in front of her.

    Ashley smirked at her, and stilled her hands with his own.

    "Julia, I am sorry. I am so sorry," he whispered seriously.

    Julia froze and refused to look up at him for several moments. It seemed like an eternity to Ashley, but he'd wait forever to see love in her eyes again.

    "It just wasn't meant to be," Julia responded finally.

    "Don't say that," Ashley pleaded.

    "You left me Ashley. You never called, you never wrote, and you never made an effort to explain. To me, you disappeared. You made the band, and the only way I was ever going to know was if I watched the show like everyone else. That day, you just left.  Not a trace of you anywhere," she said, her voice showing just how much pain she felt despite her efforts to look strong.

    "I know, and I'll never forgive myself for the way I treated you, but I had no choice. It all happened so quickly, and there were things I couldn't change. There were choices I had to make," Ashley rushed to explain.

    "Like what Ashley? You didn't love me? I wasn't enough for you, or was it that she was all you truly wanted?" Julia asked, pain the only thing he could see in her eyes.

    "No, never. It wasn't like that at all," Ashley whispered.

    Ashley and Julia had fallen in love almost three years ago back in Redding. They'd gone to the same high school, taken the same classes, and always crossed paths. But, they were never friends until senior year. Ashley had broken up with his long time girlfriend and on a whim, invited Julia to attend the prom with him. He was broken hearted at the time, and she was the most amazing friend anyone could ask for.

    He fell hard, and he fell fast. Julia, she'd loved him since day one. It was only two months into their relationship that she'd gone to his house to find his ex girlfriend's car in the driveway. She was too upset and nervous to confront him that night, so she drove home and decided to call.

    When she did, he answered and told her that it was over. He wouldn't be able to see her anymore. There were things he had to take care of, and it wasn't working. It was the worst night of her life. She swore Ashley was one person who would never heart her, and yet he had caused her more pain in brushing her off then she'd experienced in her entire life.

    After the conversation that night, they never spoke. She saw him at school, and he avoided her at all costs. It was obvious he was back together with his old girlfriend, and Julia never understood why he couldn't just explain. She asked for an explanation only once. She wrote him and begged for a reason. Had all his professions of love been lies?

    He never wrote back...

    It was six months later that he left Redding to become one fifth of O-Town. She watched the show in awe and fought every night to keep her heart from breaking. There were so many times she wanted to call him, to track him down, but then she remembered how easily he dismissed her. How easily, he forgot her.

    "I never meant to hurt you. I always thought about you and cared about you," Ashley finally broke the silence.

    "You could have fooled me," she sighed, pausing as their drinks were set down in front of them.

    "She begged me Julia. She told me if I had ever loved her, to give her another chance. She said her life was pointless without us, and that if I turned her away that all our love had been a joke," he said, realizing for the millionth time how foolish he'd been to turn away from Julia.

    She was the most amazing woman in the world. And, he'd given it all up.

    "She knew how to get to you. She questioned your loyalty. You were always the most faithful and loyal person I knew Ashley," Julia explained.
 

    "I should have been loyal to you. You were the one I wanted," he whispered, letting her see the tears of regret and longing in his eyes.

    They sat silently, watching the steam from their drinks drift up into the Christmas air and float away.

    "I never called you again because I felt so shameful and pitiful. I never wanted to cause you anymore pain," he concluded.

    Julia watched him silenty and nodded. Gathering her bags around her, she spoke,

    "Well...I really need to get going. I have a lot of wrapping to do, and there are still some gifts that..." she began but Ashley cut her off, grasping desperately at her hand and looking into her eyes.

    "Julia, please don't leave me," he begged.

Julia closed her eyes, trying to block out the effect his emotions were having on her and tried to remain strong.

    "Ashley, it was really nice seeing you, and we should talk once in a while, but how are things any different now? I need to leave," she said, removing her hand from his grasp and slipping it into her gloves.

    Ashley watched helplessly, as she gathered her bags and went to move past him. He saw his heart drop to the floor with every inch she moved away from him.

    "No!" Ashley finally managed to speak past the lump of fear growing in his throat. He would not let her slip away this time.

    "Julia, I never stopped loving you," he begged moving to stand with her.

    Julia froze at this, but quickly regained her strength.

    "You're just emotional right now Ashley. So am I. I think you should be going too, you're starting to attract a crowd," she spoke, not daring to look at him for fear of the tears she'd see.

    She knew they would break her. She still loved him, with every bit of her heart. She was his, but she had to fight to make him realize that he had really hurt her and she needed to be sure he would never do the same. She had to know he was there for real this time.

    "Julia, take me home," he finally whispered to her.

"What?" She replied, looking at him and feeling her heart melt at the expression on his face.

    "Take me home with you," he begged.

    "Ashley," she whispered, so scared of what was happening.

    Ashley sensed her fear and moved to stand in front of her.

    Reaching his hands out, he pulled her to him and she went reluctantly into his arms.

    "I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, but I swear on everything I hold sacred that if you let me love you, I'll never hurt you again. I promise you Julia," he said, his breath stirring the soft strands of blonde hair at her neck.

    Julia let out a little sob as she finally allowed her own tears to come.

    Ashley held his breath and prayed to God that this angel would forgive him and allow him the chance to spend the rest of his life with her.

    "Is this my Christmas miracle?" Julia finally whispered, sending chills down his back joy soaring through his heart.

    "Oh Julia, baby," Ashley whispered as he pulled back and cupped her beautiful face in her palms before letting his eyes drift shut as he pulled her to him and kissed her so softly at first.

    Julia moaned softly against his incredibly soft lips and that was all the encouragement Ashley needed. Deepening their kiss, he pulled her slender waist to his hips and pressed against her intimately. Sneaking his tongue out against her bottom lip, he sighed as she opened her sweet mouth to him and met his kisses so passionately that he swore he'd never grow tired of kissing her.

    Finally, reality came back to both of them, and they slowly pulled away from each other, only to see the crowd of people in the store watching them with smiles on their faces.

    "Come on Jules," He sighed to her, taking her hands and leading her to the door.

    People waved to them and wished them a Merry Christmas as both of them smiled and waved back as they left.

    Once in the parking lot, Ashley pulled her back to him and kissed her intensely, letting her feel every bit of passion inside of him.

    "Ashley," she moaned against his lips. He tasted like chocolate and Christmas cheer.

    "What angel?" He asked, letting his lips drift down her neck, to nibble and kiss her.

    "It's snowing," she whispered, reaching her hands out and catching what was almost a perfect snowflake.

    Ashley didn't pause in his kisses to look, only nodded his head and pulled her closer.

    "Which way to your car?" He asked as he dropped a kiss over her heart.

    "There," she pointed to her explorer and Ashley nodded, as he took her hand and led her there.

    "You drive," she said quietly handing him the key out of her purse and getting into the passenger seat.

    Neither of them spoke much as she directed Ashley to her apartment with soft words. Finally, they arrived and she led him up the stairs and into the warmth of her home.

    Ashley sighed as he took in the strings of Christmas lights she'd strung up and the beautifully decorated tree in the corner of her living room.

    "It's so beautiful baby," he whispered moving to admire the ornaments hanging from the tree.

    Ashley felt her move to stand behind him, and he thanked his angels above when she reached her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his back.

    "Do you see it?" She asked quietly, in the darkness of the room. Only the soft colors of the lights shone on them.

    "What?" He asked, not sure what she was referring to.

    "Our ornament. It's toward the top," she whispered.

    Ashley returned his gaze to the tree, and felt his love for her grow even more if that was possible when he saw the tree ornament he'd made for her on their first month anniversary. He'd bought one of those cheap ornaments you can get and put your picture in, only he'd made a tiny collage of pictures of them in it.

    She'd cherished it when he gave it to her, and it filled his heart with love when he saw it sitting proudly on the branches of this tree.

    "I never stopped loving you either. I never can," she whispered moving her hands to caress his back.

Ashley turned in her arms and pulled her into another kiss. Moving her toward her bedroom, he paused to look into her eyes.

    "A lot has changed for me, and it won't be the same, but I'm still the same person," he whispered.

    Julia smiled and ran her hands lovingly through his hair and over his cheeks.

    "I know you are baby," she whispered before dropping soft, butterfly kisses over his face and eyes. She pressed a kiss to his nose and giggled when he shivered.

    "I don't want your life to change because of me;" he sighed, knowing that being his girlfriend would never be easy. He just hoped she'd take all of him.

    "Maybe I want my life to change. Especially if it means being with you," she said before silencing him with a kiss.

    "Ashley," she whispered.

    "Yes?" He answered his eyes shining with a love so deep that she shuddered.

    "Merry Christmas," she spoke against his lips as he wrapped his arms around her.

    "Mmm, Merry Christmas baby. Merry Christmas indeed," he answered.