Grady Tripp: Yeah, James.
James Leer: What are we going to do with... it?
Grady Tripp: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog.
James Leer: You?
Grady Tripp: Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man.
James Leer: Does she want to hear it was one of her professors?
Grady Tripp: ...I've got tenure.
Grady Tripp: Shit, James. You shot Dr. Gaskell's dog.
James Leer: I had to! Didn't I?
Grady Tripp: Couldn't you have just pulled him off me?
Vernon Hardapple: Why did you keep writing this book if you didn't even know what it was about?
Grady Tripp: I couldn't stop.
Grady Tripp: Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason for him to take two in the chest.
Grady Tripp: So there it was. Somewhere in the night, a Manhattan book editor was prowling the streets of Pittsburgh; best-selling author at his side, dead dog in his trunk.
Terry Crabtree:The Love Parade...I've got a feeling about this, Tripp. I feel tid in my bones.
Grady Tripp: ONLY in your bones?
Antonia "Tony": That's a nice greenhouse.
Grady: It's Mrs. Gaskell's. Her hobby.
Crabtree: I thought you were Mrs. Gaskell's hobby, Tripp.
Grady: Piss off, Crabs. I lost a wife today.
Crabtree: Oh, I'm sure you'll find another. You always do.
James: It's just... for good luck. Some people carry rabbits' feet...
Grady: ...You carry firearms.
James: You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp.
Grady: You're not like my other students, James.
James: That's a big trunk. It fits a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.
Grady: That's just what they used to say in the ads.
[Crabtree and a student drag James, hopped up on codeine, out of the auditorium.]
James: The doors made so much noise!
Grady: Is he all right?
James: It was so embarrasing! He had to be carried out.
Crabtree: He's fine. He's narrating.
James: They were going to the restroom. But would they make it in time?
Grady: Well, he did say a few things that made me believe it WAS his car.
Crabtree: Like what?
Grady: "That's my car, motherf**ker."
Grady: "I'm a teacher, not a Holiday Inn."
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