Part 31
Me: No, honey, you don�t. Remember what happened last time.
Katy: Haha� �Did you know Rick�s not a virgin??�
Me: Yes, I was aware. Which is why we aren�t going to Todd�s.
Katy: Hey, I haven�t screamed out anyone�s virginity status tonight.
Me: Which is why we aren�t going to Todd�s.
Katy: I�m a bad girlfriend.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Katy: That�s why we should date.
Me: Cuz when one fucks up, the other can automatically sympathize.
Katy: Exactly.
Doug: (Singing) Burrito child of the monkey man�.not a piece of ham�it�s the monkey man�the monkey man can�
chandra161: Yeah, that's pretty much it. I can't abide the Webber.
scaryglowworm13: amen.
scaryglowworm13: sometimes i swear that you and i were mysteriously separated as children...
chandra161: I know. We're twins. We really are. I feel sorry for the world -- they get two of us. :: Grins maniacally ::
scaryglowworm13: lol.......don�t feel sorry for the world! it'll only take away some of the thrill when we conquer it.
Lillis: WOMAN. GET UP.
Me: NO. And stop calling me �woman,� that isn�t very nice.
Lillis: Not in the street, Brigid.
Lillis: No Brigid. Do not speak. I know you want to speak. But do not.
Rick: I have superpowers when I drink.
Me: Alcohol does not create superhero powers. I should know.
Rick: It does, too.
Me: It does not.
Rick: Stop arguing or I�ll tell everyone about your secret superhero identity.
Me: Oh, that�s evil.
Justin: For the record, I never hated you. And now we have this nice peace treaty. But you�ll probably forget by morning, so I�m still screwed.
Rick: Where�s the nearest liquor store?
Me: We�re in Amherst. There should be one on every corner.
Me: Justin, I am three times your size. I could break you.
Justin: I�m not afraid of you.
Katy: Honey, I get scared when she says that. And it isn�t even directed at me.
Me: Did it look like the mouse from the backyard?
Mom: YES! Except bigger.
Dad: And brown.
Me: So no, then.
Katy: Suck my ass!
Me: That right there is my eternal image of Matt�grasping his head and screaming �I don�t know!�
Me: I don�t like your girlfriend.
Rick: I know.
Me: Waking up this morning was worse than waking up on a camping trip.
Jaime: Oooh�bad morning�
Me: At least I passed the checklist.
Jaime: Shirt, bra, pants, underwear, shoes, purse, no unusual pain or markings, and certainty that alcohol was the only substance swallowed?
Me: God bless the checklist.
Mom: So you were asleep? Next to boys?
Me: Ma, you do know that I have slept at Kevin�s, or Todd�s several dozens times and that I went camping with Andy, Will, Steve and Nick, right???
Dad: The house isn�t on fire�but Ka is here.
Ka: What time did you get home?
Me: Eight.
Ka: Early night.
Me: Yeah�about that�um�yeah.
Matt: Smoking gives you cancer.
Me: Smoking connects the synapses in your brain causing you to think quicker.
Matt: Yeah, well�smoking�says�SHUT UP!!!!
slinkstergirlie: [he] has what governor arnold would call "girly-man" wrists anyways.
slinkstergirlie: "the fat man walks alone."
scaryglowworm13: suddenly had the urge to scream "SHOPLIFTEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!" at the top of my lungs.........
slinkstergirlie: oh rexy, you're sooo sexy!
scaryglowworm13: it's great how even thu instant messenger, you can sense the sarcasm....
TomLillisLives: I am a master at conveying dismay via text.