Kevin: Wire cutters and a screwdriver.
Kevin: Where in the hell is a can opener??
Kevin: Brig try opeing this-it isnt working for me.
Me: It wont work for me either.
Gas Lady: Don't you have a working can opener?? You know what, I have one in the car actuallly.
Kevin: Christ! Look at all the crap that was in my coffee table!
Me: WHat?
Kevin: This is garbage, this is garbage, this is garbage, this is garbage, this is part of my hoopa which this cops took so this is garbage...THIS PROBABLY WORKS!
Me: Is that a can opener??
Kevin: Of course it is!!!!!
Kevin: WHat the...who the hell would have stolen my porno? It wasnt even a good one!!!
Kevin: I dont know which video is more embarrassing to have on top of this box...this "long summer in malibu" or teenage mutant ninja turtles.
Kevin: I dont understand this...I got it from blockbuster, its rated r, it was made by universal....BUT IT HAS NAKED CHICKS ON IT!!! Every porno should say PORNO across the top in big letters.
Kevin: Ok, seee, im the catcher and your the pitcher and your sending the pitches but the batter's just getting hit with balls. so i say you just walk him and see whos up at bat next.
Me: But then who's gonna be at bat next, dumbass??
Kevin: Dennis, whos been on deck for the past 6 years.
Kevion: Mph grr rum mffle.
Me: What?
Sharon: Didn't you hear him? He said "Mph grr rum mffle."
Sharon: Why in the hell don't you have a cell phone?!
Dan: This is not comfortable.
Me: I know. TOo bad the seat isnt folded down cuz then I could go to sleep in the back.
Dan: Yeah...that would be great.
Me: Yeah.
(Pause)
Dan: You want to fold the seat down?
Me: I've got pillows...
Mom: I'm sure she wasnt drinking, she was proabbaly just sick from all the crap she ate all week .
Sharon: Sure, maureen, sure.
Kevin: Mom, I've got a problem.
Sharon: What?
Kevin: I puked all over Joannes bed and I think that nick went to work already and i lost my socks.
Dan: right or left?
Dan: We wheel the wheel westward.
Sharon: Brigid and Dan can take the car.
Kevi9n: What are you, braindead??
Kevin: ASS!
Me: HO!
Dan: Assho!!
Dan: Two words: first one starts with an M, second starts with a K.
Kevin: Mark?
Suzie: It's like the keebler elf trying to beat up the jolly green giant.
Dan: I LOVE EVERYBODY!!!
Dan: I have no friends, you assholes.
Dan: That's it, we're having a fucking party tonight and youre coming, and youre coming, and dennis is coming, and even if its just us four in his basement with a 40 and a pack of ports i dont gicve a fuck cuz were having a party cuz i have no fucking friends.
Dan: You kno, I was just gonna move to arizona FOREVER and not call a damned one of you.
Dan: See, everyone keeps saying it's gonna be weird not having me around...yeah well, its gonna be weird not having ALL of you around.
Dan: This is the best day ever!!
Me: Ahem.
Dan: Aside from "Our" birthday.
Graham: Ahem.
Me: Ok, aside from darien lake.
Dan: That dosent count I wasnt there.
Graham: Well it counts for us!!! You dont know the kind of hell we went thru I cant.....I just cant talk about it anymore...
Me: Are you sober?
Dennis: Do you SEE the amount of breakable items in my house in proportion to the amount of drunken people in my house???
Me: Hey, dan, I'm going.
Dan: Oh, listen...Brigid, I love brigid, shes my girl...I'm gonna miss...wait I'll see you tomorrow.
Me: Youre drunk.
Dan: You too.
Me: You wanna save time and do this nonsense later?
Dan: That'd be good.