Mary: You don't know the first thing about love.
Hilary Faye: [Hilary Faye throws a Bible at Mary] I am *FILLED* with Christ's love!
Mary: [Mary hands Bible back to Hilary Faye] This is not a weapon, you idiot.
Pastor Skip: Patrick, this is not a gray area.
Patrick: It's all a gray area.
Pastor Skip: THE BIBLE IS IN BLACK AND WHITE!
Pastor Skip: What you are doing is wrong in the eyes of Jesus. This is not a time for moral ambiguity.
Dean: In my heart, I know that Jesus still loves me.
Mary: [about the Virgin Mary] I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she just made the whole thing up? I mean, it's a pretty good one. It's not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again. I don't really think she made it up, but I can understand why a girl would.
Roland: Are you alright?
Hilary Faye: No! I crashed my van into Jesus, okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter and... this is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This isn't how I wanted to remember my life.
Roland: Well maybe we can fix it... with glue, or something
Hilary Faye: You know, secondhand smoke kills.
Cassandra: I'm counting on it.
Paramedic: Only one person can ride.
Dean: I'm the father!
Patrick: I'm the boyfriend!
Mitch: [points to Dean] I'm HIS boyfriend!
Lillian: I keep trying to remind myself that when Jesus closes a door he opens a window.
Mary: Yeah, so we have something to jump out of.
Cassandra: What�s the one reason a good Christian girl comes downtown to the Planned Parenthood clinic?
Roland: To plant a pipe bomb?!
Cassandra: Okay, two reasons.
Mary: Please be cancer, please be cancer, please be cancer...
Roland: You have everything, Hillary Faye. What are you afraid of?
Dean: You're pregnant?
Mary: I wanted to tell you...
Dean: Our first time? That's so awesome.
Tia: JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SINS!
Hilary Faye: Tia, calm down! Do you wanna go back to being the invisible girl with bad hair?
Veronica: Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth.
Hilary Faye: And then where would you be, Roland?
Roland: China.
Patrick: I bought both red and yellow, because I didn't know... which...
Mary: But Patrick -
Patrick: Mary? Honestly? It doesn't matter to me.
Pastor Skip: I think the Christian thing to do would be to let them stay.
Hilary Faye: The Christian thing to do? I have been doing the CHRISTIAN THING my whole life! I did not have sex with a gay and try to blame it on Jesus!
Mary: Hilary Faye...
Hilary Faye: Oh, shut up, you fornicator!
Hilary Faye: The thought of her humping that pervert... I still can't believe Roland never showed up.
Veronica: I can't believe your brother called you the "c"-word.
Hilary Faye: [at a shooting range] Us Christian girls have got to learn to protect ourselves. I mean, sure Jesus could restore my mental and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary.
Mary: My mom just compared me to a car, so me being pregnant is definitely something not to tell her right now.
Pastor Skip: I was wondering if you could help me out with Mary.
Tia: You mean, like, shoot her?
Pastor Skip: No, I was thinking of something a little less gangsta.
Mary: Your summer. How was it?
Roland: Oh, it was great. I went roller-skating, water-skiing, kickboxing. I did it all.
Hilary Faye: Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?
Mary: Does it bother you that he can't walk?
Cassandra: He can't walk?
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