Droz: Are we having a party tonight or what?
Cecilia: Well, there's no publicity so there's no people; Gutter never showed up so there's no beer; the instruments just blew out so there's no band; and I think Raji and Deeje may be dead.
Droz: Wait a minute. No beer?
Droz: Where the hell's Gutter?
Katy: Probably in a parking lot somewhere picking his nose.
Droz: These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world-threatening issue and stick with it... for about a week.
Katy: What about Naugahyde Windpipe?
Cecilia: Too metal.
Deeje: Oedipus and the Mama's Boys.
Cecilia: Too college radio.
Raji: My Johnson Is 12 Inches Long.
Cecilia: Interesting, but I don't think it's a band name.
Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: It's me, Rand. Open up.
Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: Damn it. Who is Ronald Reagan?
Bantam: A casual shoe for yachting.
Rand: What are you trying to figure out, B.D.? Who could I be? What is a blucher?
Bantam: They killed Jesus Christ.
Rand: Who are the Jews? Open up, sucko.
Droz: What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy.
Tom: What's he doin?
Droz: He's finishing his senior thesis. Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV.
Tom: That's his thesis?
Droz: Yes! That's the beauty of college these days, Tommy! You can major in gameboy if you know how to bullshit!
::Stealing a car, finds The Club, still in the package.::
Droz: Well, that's good thinkin'.
Robin: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid."
Droz: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.
Droz: Alright right, whaddya need? Bottle rockets, dental dams, Redi Wips, term papers?
Droz: Want some advice?
Tom: Well, yeah.
Droz: Well, here's all you need to know: Classes, nothing before eleven. Beer, it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?
Tom: Uhh... no.
Droz: Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day.
Droz: Now it's true the majority of people on campus these days are so cravenly PC they wouldn't know a good time if it was sitting on their face but there's one thing that will always unite us and them. They're young! They may not realize it yet they have the same raging hormones the same self-destructive desire to get boldly trashed and wildly out of control! Look out that window! That's not a protest! That is a cry for help! They're begging us! PLEASE have a party! Feed us drinks! GET US LAID! AAHHHHHH!
Rand: Earth to tall bitch!
Moonbeam: MEAT TOSSER!
Sam: Warm beer and soggy chips...exactly what I need to figure out my life.
Droz: We need kegs. Multiple, cold and domestic.
President Garcia-Thompson: I heard that just today you and your friends dumped 100 pounds of meat on a peaceful demonstration.
Droz: Oh, come on! That was way more than 100 pounds.
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