Gina: Welcome to MusicTown, may I service you?
Joe: Let me explain it to you. Mitchell's the man. I'm the idiot. You're the screw-up. And we're all losers. Welcome to music town.
Lucas: Joe, is it O.K. if I leave the couch? 'Cause I'm gonna leave the couch now, okay? My ass is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I'm leaving.
Corey: My dad always said that there's 24 usable hours in every day.
Mark: Empire Records, open 'til midnight, this is Mark... Midnight!
Eddie: You forgot your thingy!
Debra: I went to rock and roll heaven, and I wasn't on the guest list.
Debra: No visible tatoos.
Gina: No revealing clothing.
Debra: We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.
A.J.: Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile.
Mark:Maybe I want to be sterile.
Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
Lucas: Always play with their minds.
Debra: I tried to kill myself with a Lady Bic. A pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a moisturizing strip.
A.J.: You did have hair when you went in there, right?
Debra: Yeah. It's still in the sink, if you want to glue it.
Warren: Why don't you take these CD's and shove them up your ass?
Lucas: Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.
Mitch: Why do I get the feeling that I'm being royally screwed?
Joe: Because you are, Mitch.
Lucas: I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this.
Lucas: Joe, I think it's gonna be okay.
Joe: What makes you think that?
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear!
A.J.: What's with you? Yesterday you were normal and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate Kid. What's with you today?
Lucas: What's with today today?
Joe: What's it DOING in Atlantic City?
Lucas: Recirculating!
Gina: Well "Sinead O'Rebellion." Shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior.
Warren: STOP CALLING ME WARREN! MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING WARREN!
Gina: Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.
Gina: Oh no, Debra, don't be bitter, surely with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new neo-nazi boot camp makeover the boys will come a-runnin'!
Lucas: You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical.
Warren: Maybe you bite me.
Jane: Actually, his new album tested well among teenage males.
Lucas: Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males?
Lucas: In the immortal words of The Doors, 'The time to hesitate is through.'
Mark: Damn the man! Save the Empire!
Lucas: Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head.
Gina: Isn't it customary to leave the scene after committing the crime?
Debra: Definitely an amateur.
Mark: We mustn't dwell...no, not today! We CAN'T! Not on Rex Manning day!
Mark: You know what Joe? One of these days, I'm gonna show you little people!
Joe: Yeah, well on that day I'm gonna jump outta my wheelchair and do a dance!
Jane: What are you doing later?
Joe: I don't know. I'm either going to jail or hell I can't decide.
Lucas: The long arm of the law has embraced our dear friend Warren.