Henry: What? Who's Mr. Gray? You're not Jonesy...
Pete: Henry, if we die before you get back, please tell everyone she wasn't my date.
Beaver: Wait, Jonesy...
Jonesy: Yeah, Beav?
Beaver: You be careful.
Jonesy: Be careful of what?
Beaver: I wish I knew.
Henry: Hello? Jonesy! Jesus Christ, I knew it was you! Where is he taking you? Massachusetts! He is? Duddits, OK... Jonesy, you have to hang in there! Jonesy? Jonesy! He hung up...
Owen: Give me back my gun.
Pete: In the movies, when people wake up together in the morning, they immediately start kissing and nuzzling and going at it, but what they never do is get up first, take a leak and brush their goddamn teeth, which I don't think I'm alone in feeling is pretty much necessary when you get up.
Beaver: Jesus-Christ-bananas, some fuckarow this is turning into.
Pete: Motherfucker tried to bite my dick off, Jonesy... I always thought it'd be my ex-wife who would do that.
Jonesy: I'm filing that in the "Who Gives A Shit" section in the Memory Warehouse.
Beaver: This is our twentieth year coming out here to "Hole In The Wall", and fuck me Freddy, here's to twenty more!
Beaver: Here's to Duddits... our dreamcatcher. Wish he was here.
Young Beaver: Hey, you don't wanna see the homecoming queen's pussy? Don't come.
Henry: If you and I don't get after him right away, he's going to get out of my range, and some kind of shit is going to hit the planetary fan.
Beaver: I wish Henry was here...
Jonesy: He's a shrink, not an internist.
Beaver': He went to med school! Did you?
Jonesy: ...I thought about it.
Beaver: You don't suppose it's radiation, do you? I saw that in a movie once - the guy ended up bald as Telly-what's-his-fuck.
Colonel Curtiss: The men call the red stuff "Ripley", after the broad in the Alien movies.
Rick McCarthy: [Burps loudly]
JBeaver: bitch-in-a-buzzsaw! I've heard some mighty burps in my time, but that's the blue ribbon baby!
Colonel Curtiss: Come with me, Owen... I'll show you things you'll wish you'd never seen.
Jonesy: Fuck you.
Mr. Gray: Ah, yes, I know what that expression means! I studied the foul language section in your Memory Warehouse. Rather distasteful, I must say...
Jonesy: How about this, Mr. Gray: Eat shit and die.
Colonel Curtiss: Those poor schmucks... they drive Chevrolets, shop at Wal-Mart, never miss an episode of Friends. These are Americans. The idea of slaughtering Americans... well, it just turns my stomach....But I'll do it.
Pete: Bite my bag, motherfucker.
Mr. Gray: All right, Pete - I'll bite... your bag... and everything else.
Henry: Sometimes we have to kill, but a real job is to save lives.
Colonel Curtiss: OK, Owen! OK! You've just gone over the Curtis line!
Henry: Where are you, Jonsey Pick up the phone and call 1-800-HENRY.
Jonesy: Beaver, someone else might want to use that jar.
Beaver: I'll leave some!
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