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"Apocalypse Zero: Battle 1"
Reviewed by: I am Mr 666
In a Post-apocalyptic future, one man works to protect
mankind from those that wish to make it die. This review covers
"Battle One" (aka the first part of a two parter). Also, I must say
that I have only seen the english-dub for this, so some comments may
not apply.
NOTE: THIS ANIME IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!!!!!!!! IF YOU SHOW THIS TO YOUR
CHILDREN AND THEY DECIDE TO WIPE OUT A BUILDING FULL O' INNOCENTS,
IT IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT (AND KEEP THE DAMN DERANGED LITTLE BASTARDS
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME)!!!!!!
Now, with that having been said. . .on to the ridicule--I mean, on with
the review.
PLOT: 2/5
In a future where the world has been layed to waste, monsters/mutants roam
through the rubble in search of a tasty treats--namely whatever people
are still alive after whatever the hell it is that happened to lay the
world to waste. Enter brother and sister Kakugo and Harara. Both are
under the training of their father to get strong and use some mystical
armor (one for each sibling) to protect mankind against the aformentioned
monsters/mutants. Unfortunately, Harara decides that humans are
a waste, kills her father and Kakugo (although we find out that
Kakugo really isn't dead, just hiding), and decides to send nasty-ass
beastie after nasty-ass beastie after the remnants of humanity. Some
time later Kakugo resurfaces as a transfer to some high school--how
the bombs managed to miss a school is beyond me. When a couple of
monsters attack his classmates (outside of school) he zips into action
and saves the day. The monsters are, unique, to say the least.
First, you have a 10 foot tall, fat-ass, dominatrix-type woman brandishing
the hairy spike-ed beaver of doom--who sucks a guy's face off while
trying to have sex with him, and then eats him (this is after she grabs
his girlfriend and squishes her with one hand). Later on, Kakugo
encounters a leather clad thing with a tongue like a frog's
and a penchant for karaoke. These monsters were just f*****g wrong!!!!
Hell, if Go Nagai* saw 'em, he'd probably think "Damn, these monsters
are just f*****g wrong!"
LOCALIZATION: 2.5/5
The anime is pretty easy for anyone to follow, be they newbie or hardened
otaku. You might be asking, "But if they did a good job on that, why
the low score?" Well, little Billy, that's a good question--and here's
the answer: the reason for the low score is that this has to be one of
the most GOD-F******G AWFUL ENGLISH DUBS I HAVE EVER HAD THE
MISFORTUNE OF HAVING TO SIT THROUGH!!!!!!!! Kakugo and Harara sound
like refugees from "Badly Dubbed 70's Anime Land." Listening to
them speak was almost as bad as looking at the F****D UP monsters that
were roaming the countryside.
ANIMATION: 2.5/5
The animation seemed decent, though to be perfectly honest, I was too
distracted by all the wrongness in this anime to really notice. It
didn't seem worthy of an OVA, more like the kind of animation you'd
expect to see in a TV series.
PRESENTATION: 2/5
The plot was nothing special, the english dub was atrocious, the anima-
tion was weak. . .come to think of it, 2/5 is way too high for this
steaming turd. I give it a .5/5.
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*For those who do not know, Go Nagai is the creator of "Devilman" (now
that was an anime with some cool-looking monsters), many genres of
anime (post-apocalyptic splatterfest being one of them), and the
creator of naughty tentacle anime.