Author's Note: A 2x1??!! FROM ME???!!! Have I gone

completely mad? Hn. Oh well, didn't take long did it?

My muses seem to enjoy taunting me with humorous

storylines, then giving me writer's block before I can

finish them. Maybe a little angst will appease them

enough to let me work a bit on my other fics. Here

goes nothing...

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing. Don't sue. Squiggly

lines ~ ~ are for emphasis, and pretty stars * * show

thoughts. AND YOU MUST SEND C&C!!! Please? Pretty

please? PLEEEAAASE??? (I'm definitely not above

begging) Oh well, just enjoy the fic. Send all

Comments and Criticisms to [email protected]

Heero sat on the twisted sheets, arms wrapped around

his knees, chin resting on his forearms. Beside him,

curled into a lump of blankets, was Duo. He stared at

the braided boy with a blank expression. A shiver

traced his bare back, but he didn't noticed it.

His emotions roiled in his mind, though he gave no

outer sign of it. He waded through them, organizing

them, trying to calm himself. Trying, and failing. He

recognized a many of them. Anger. That was always in

him. Anger at the world, at what was happening to it,

to the people in it. Anger at his enemies, and

sometimes at his allies. Anger at Duo. That was

usually there, too. Duo was always there, an annoyance

simply because his presence intruded on Heero's mind

no matter how hard he tried to block it out. Duo was

persistent and loud and ~there~. And it was Duo that

had initiated it. Was he stupid, to do such a thing?

*No. He's not stupid. He can't be, he's a gundam

pilot.*

And surely he, who seemed to know Heero frighteningly

well at times, must have known what Heero's reaction

to that first kiss would be. A twinge of guilt flashed

through his mind as he recalled the way Duo had reeled

from the punch. Even in the dim moonlight from the

window he could see a bruise darkening on Duo's cheek.

He hadn't meant to hit him that hard. But Duo hadn't

been deterred for long. And Heero hadn't been as

forceful in his objections the next time, merely

pushing him away. And the third time... well...

He felt the slightest flush spread across his face.

Shame and anger at himself also floated within his

mental perception. Shame that he'd let himself be

so... weak. Anger that he'd given in to urges that

were supposed to have been eliminated by his thorough

training. A mix of the two emotions scorched at him

because he had done so with Duo, an ally... maybe a

friend...

*He damn well ~better~ be a friend, considering you

just had sex with him* he snarled at himself. *And why

even care? This was a mistake, surely he'll realize

that when he wakes up. It was - stress relief...

hormones... It was a breech of training and an

endangerment to the mission.*

He gave a minuscule soundless sigh. It would've been

better if he could believe what he was telling

himself. Duo wouldn't have been happy when Heero

rejected him, but he would've recovered. He might've

hated Heero afterward, but it would've been so much

simpler -

Heero caught himself when he realized he wasn't

planning on letting Duo go. He tried to locate the

reason for this leap of logic, but found his thoughts

clouded with memories. Being clasped so tightly in the

other boy's arms, skin to skin, the rhythm of

lovemaking flooding his senses, the fact that it was

Duo making the pace magnifying the feelings... It had

felt so ~right~...

*It ~can't~ be right... It just can't be...*

Duo sighed and rolled over in his sleep, stretching

out of the ball he'd been in. Heero examined the

exposed upper body with an almost clinical detachment.

Smooth tan skin on his arms, fading to off-white over

the shoulders and chest. Well-toned, wiry muscles

stood out, proving that while he may look slight, he

was indeed strong and fit. A heart-shaped face now

calm in sleep, thick lashes fluttering as he passed

into REM. The braid remained intact, though mussed

from earlier activities. He found himself wondering

whether he should've undone that rope of chestnut hair

and run his fingers through the unbound mane... He

stopped that thought abruptly, forcing it out of his

mind. He shouldn't have such thoughts...

*...I guess that's a moot point now.* He continued

staring at the American, and a revelation dawned. It

wasn't a major one, not really. But despite it's

seeming simplicity, or perhaps because of it, Heero

found himself thunderstruck with the observation.

*He's not pretty.*

And he wasn't.

...but he might be beautiful. Not that Heero was one

to judge beauty.

He snort softly in self-derision. He was mooning over

Duo like a lovesick school girl. He tore his gaze away

from his - his what? Fellow gundam pilot? Friend?

...lover?

*Lover...* Somehow that adjective didn't seem to

apply. Not to himself anyway. He knew for a fact he'd

never shown any sign that could be interpreted as

affection. He hadn't even acknowledged he'd had

feelings for Duo, beyond a vague sense of comradeship,

before tonight. He hadn't said so aloud, but he felt

that what had passed between them stated it for him.

What were these feelings, anyway? They were unlike

anything he'd felt before, making him light-headed and

hopeful while at the same time nawing an aching hole

in the pit of his stomach with an interesting form of

pain. Unfamiliar and strange and discomforting, not

unlike some of the drugs Dr. J had made sure he'd

gained a strong tolerance for. What could it be?

*Lust.* his mind and conditioning replied. *Teenage

hormones, the effect danger has on them, and the

nearest welcoming body. Completely physical.*

No, that wasn't right. Yes, there was lust. But there

was more to it than that, and he didn't understand. He

hadn't been trained to cope with something like this.

He scrounged his mind and heart for the source of

these emotions. He gave a small snort at that thought.

*Didn't think the Perfect Soldier would have a heart

left.*

But despite his self-contempt, he was indeed acutely

aware the 'human' part of his mind, the part no amount

of training could affect. It was the part of him that

wouldn't let him kill Relena, no matter how beneficial

to the mission it would be to take care of ~that~

obstacle. It was the part of him that kept him from

losing himself in the ZERO system. It was the part off

him that reminded him just what he was fighting for

when the weight of the war bore down on him,

threatened to break him. It was the part of him

that... the part of him that harbored his ambiguous

and confusing emotions for Duo...

Suddenly restless, he stretched out from his position

on the bed and got up, walking over to the window,

unmindful of his nudity. He opened the window, then

braced his arms on the window sill, letting the chill

late spring breeze caress him. The shock of the cold

cleared his mind and he gazed up at the velvet sky,

eyes of the same midnight-cobalt asking a silent

question. Above him the scattered crystals that were

stars flashed, and the half-moon shown in his eyes.

Neither offered an answer.

*Dammit. Why does he always have to make

complications?*

A short, quiet moan from behind him alerted to Duo's

awakening. He didn't turn as he heard Duo get out of

the bed and cross the room. He felt Duo's body heat

from mere centimeters behind him, but Duo didn't touch

him, and oddly was silent. He knew that Duo knew

either gesture could break the tenuous thread that

held him here. The unfamiliar warmth at his back was

oddly comforting, though, and the breath on his neck

was as intimate as the earlier consummation. A shiver

ran down his spine. The human part of him told him

that it was all right, that this was what people did.

They fell in lo-

*No.* He denied it. It was against his training. It

was weak. It was stupid. He tried to cast it away from

him, drive it out, destroy it. *NO. I can't afford

to-...*

*But... I do...?*

He closed his eyes and bowed his head. It was an

unspoken signal of... Not defeat. That wasn't what Duo

was seeking anyway. It was more... an admission, a

conceding of a point. And with an intuition that at

once comforted and frightened Heero, Duo understood.

Warm arms wrapped around his bare waist as Duo pressed

himself against his back, resting his chin on Heero's

shoulder. Heero slid his eyes open and glanced

sidelong at him. He was staring up at the sky,

moonlight making his eyes liquid and luminous. After a

long moment, Heero followed his gaze.

He still didn't understand what this was. He didn't

know if it would last. He didn't know what would

happen if it did. He was terrified of what would

happen if it didn't.