Author's Note: Okay, here's the first official chapter

of my short weird little story. Maybe now the G-boys

will understand how we fanfic authors feel being

pestered by muses day and night... ^_^ Oh, yeah,

thoughts are between these cute little deally bobbers

* * and these ~ ~ are for emphasis.

Disclaimer: Don't own any characters yadda yadda

yadda, but the interpretation of Greek mythological

figures is - ahem - "unique" and no one else can have

them! Shounen ai, if you don't like it don't read it,

and characters probably OOC. Keep out of the reach of

children, store in a cool dry place, read warning

labels before using, and KEEP AWAY FROM FLAMES!

Quatre lounged outside his mansion by the pool, trying

to take advantage of a mission-free period. With OZ's

new beefed-up security, he doubted they'd be able to

do anything much for a while. So he was trying to

relax while he had the time.

By some strange circumstances, it'd been safer for all

the pilots to join him at the nearest Winner-owned

home {1}. Next to him, Duo slept on his belly. Quatre

considered waking him before he got a sunburn, but he

looked too peaceful. Heero was swimming laps in the

pool as a training exercise, and Wufei was off

worshiping Nataku. Trowa was sitting in his swim

trunks in the shade, reading a book. Quatre sighed

quietly as he took in every detail of the tall boy.

* He's so handsome. I wonder what he's reading? And

you've got to love the way his bangs fall over his eye

from that angle... * he thought dreamily.

A sudden shout of cackling laugher snapped him out of

his reverie. He glanced around sharply, looking for

the source. There was no one there. And no one else

seemed to have heard...

"Hah! Here he is, Erry! You go get the other one," a

female voice brimming with mischief declared with

another round of manic giggles.

"Thalia, shut up! They'll hear you!" a baritone voice

warned.

"No they won't. None of them are psychic enough to

tell a god from a poltergeist," the girl's voice said.

"I think that blonde one is. Hey, Blondie! Can you

hear us?"

Quatre gave a slight, dazed nod, a bit worried that he

was hearing voices in his head.

"There, you see?" the male voice said with a

combination of smugness and irritation. "You haven't

even been at this for five minutes and you've blown

our cover already. You're sooo going to lose."

"Shut up," the voice identified as Thalia said tartly.

"I think I can still turn this to our advantage."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Like this. Hey, Blondie! Go somewhere private! We

wanna talk to you!"

Quatre hesitated.

C'mon, we won't bite. Well, not unless you want us

to..." the girl said insinuatingly.

"Perv," the boy said under his breath. The girl

ignored him.

"Please kid? For the sake of love and under threat of

eternal damnation to Tartarus?" she pleaded sweetly.

Quatre wondered if jumping into the pool would shock

him out of this hallucination. He'd been out in the

sun for far too long; the heat was really getting to

him.

"You go someplace private," Thalia said, her tone

suddenly threatening. "Or I'll....I'll sing."

"You wouldn't dare," the male voice said after a short

pause.

"Oh no?"

"Blondie, if you don't get moving right now, it's both

our ears," he said urgently.

"Memememememeeeeeeeee!" She was starting her warm-ups.

Quatre winced. If the horrible singing voice hadn't

been in his head, it would've shattered glass.

"Uh, guys, I'm going to get something to drink. Anyone

else want anything?" he asked, standing. Duo slept on

obliviously, and Heero hadn't heard. Trowa looked from

his book to Quatre.

"I'd like whatever you're having," he said quietly.

For some reason, his gaze was eliciting a slight blush

from the Arabian, who nodded shyly before turning to

walk into the house. He found his way to the kitchen,

then quickly checked to make sure no one was nearby.

"Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking to

me?" he demanded when his searched proved no one was

there.

"I'm Thalia, the Muse of Comedy, and my co-worker here

is Eros, the God of Looooove," the female voice said

teasingly.

"The...muse of comedy and the god of love?" Quatre

asked faintly.

"Yes," said Eros.

"Ummm..." Quatre said intelligently. "Why are you in

my head?"

Thalia laughed.

"Poor kid! Thinks we're in his head!" she giggled.

Quatre frowned at being called a kid.

"We're not in your head, but that's where you hear us.

See, we aren't completely material in you plane of

existence right now, so most people can't hear us when

we speak. But psychics are partially in our plane of

existence, so they can 'hear' us in their heads," Eros

explained patiently. "What's your name?"

"I'm Quatre Winner. So if you're not in my head, where

are you? And why are you talking to me?"

"Erry, I think we should show ourselves to him. It

might prove to him that he's not going insane," Thalia

said dryly. "Besides, what more harm could it do?

We've already blown our cover."

Eros sighed gustily.

"All right. But only to him. We're already going to be

in trouble with Mom," he grumbled.

With a snapping sound and puffs of purple and white

smoke, two other people were standing in the kitchen.

One was a pretty, short teen-aged girl with violet

hair and eyes in a toga of the same color. She grinned

at him and gave him a wink. The other was tall,

well-muscled, tanned boy in his late teens, wearing

only a white loosely-belted loincloth. Over his

shoulders were slung a bow and quiver. White wings

behind him were half outstretched, and wavy

sand-colored hair hung in a short mane around his

head. {2} Quatre tried to keep from drooling.

"Well we know who ~he~ likes better," Thalia observed

with a larger grin. Quatre tore his eyes away from the

young god, and blushed.

"If I'm going mad I may as well enjoy my

hallucinations," he said philosophically.

"We ain't no hallucinations, kid," she chuckled.

"Why are you here?" he asked, now quite annoyed at

being called kid.

"We are on a mission of great importance for Aphrodite

herself," Eros said, drawing himself up proudly.

"Really? And this mission is?" he asked, resigning

himself to the situation.

"Can I tell him? Maybe he could help. It would make

things easier," the muse said reasonably. The winged

teen considered for a moment, then shrugged.

"You can't make things much worse."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal," she said

dryly, then turned to Quatre. "We're here to hook up a

couple of your friends. Duo and his opposite, to be

exact."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but Duo doesn't like

Heero. Well, not as a lover anyway. And we're all

pretty sure Heero is asexual or something, {3} so -"

"who said anything about Heero?" Eros asked with a

slightly surprised look. "Duo's opposite is Wufei. I

thought it was obvious."

Quatre's eyebrows shot up.

"~Wufei?~ But - but he doesn't even ~like~ Duo!" he

exclaimed.

"That's the whole point of assigning matchmakers.

Duh," Thalia said, as if the inner workings of divine

intervention in people's love lives were common

knowledge. "Will you help us?"

"I don't know... I mean, I know they're both lonely,

but..." he trailed off, not knowing exactly what he

was objecting to.

"C'mon. You'll be bringing two hearts together in

eternal bliss," she coaxed with a winning smile.

"Well..."

"We could make it worth your while," she added with a

wink.

"......." Quatre said succinctly, then wondered if he

had been hanging around Trowa too long. Then he

sighed. He could never hang around Trowa too much...

"Quatre," a quiet voice from behind him spoke. He

jumped and whirled to see Trowa standing in the

doorway.

"Oh, Trowa. You startled me," he said, wondering how

long the unibanged boy had been standing there. He

felt a blush coming on, suddenly aware that all he had

on was his swim trunks.

"You were taking so long with the drinks I thought I'd

come see if you needed help," Trowa said, detaching

himself from the doorframe to stand next to him.

"Sorry," the blonde boy apologized with a small smile.

"Who's this?" Thalia inquired interestedly from

somewhere very close to his ear. He just barely

restrained another jump. "He's cute."

"So where are the drinks?"

"I - ah - haven't gotten them yet. I didn't know if

you would prefer soda or lemonade," he invented

glibly, giving the taller boy a patented innocent

look.

"Awww, you're cute too," the violet-haired girl said

with a giggle.

"It doesn't matter. Anyway, Duo woke up and he's

thirsty," Trowa informed him.

"Well, I'll make a pitcher of lemonade and be right

out," Quatre said, gently trying to push Trowa back

out the door. "I'll bring out some snacks, too; he'll

probably be hungry as well."

"What're you trying to get rid of him for?" Thalia

demanded, pouting.

"Actually, I could help. You can't carry everything

out yourself," Trowa said, taking Quatre's hands off

his chest and looking down into the shorter boy's

eyes. Quatre froze as liquid emeralds held his gaze.

* I love his eyes * he thought.

Then a giggle startled him, making him involuntarily

jerk his hands out of Trowa's.

"Are they all that sweet, Erry?"

"Idiot!" was the response. Quatre was inclined to

agree.

"All right," he said to Trowa, not meeting his eyes

for fear of what he would see. "Could you get a

pitcher from the pantry while I get the mix?"

A nod was his only answer. Trowa left for the pantry,

walking right through Thalia without noticing, who's

already silly grin got sillier. Quatre felt a strange

pang jealousy.

"Thanks a lot," he whispered sarcastically. "Some

matchmakers you two are."

"Sorry, kid," the muse said, looking guilty and

sincere. "But we can fix it. Right, Erry?"

"What do you mean 'we?' You're the one who messed up.

But I could help if you help us," the God of Love said

smoothly. "And you'd better get the mix out, your

boyfriend is coming back."

Quatre rushed to get the frozen tube of lemonade mix

from the freezer. Just then Trowa came in, setting the

pitcher on the counter. Watching the handsome pilot

move, Quatre came to a decision.

"You want Wufei and Duo together soon?" he asked in a

whisper so quiet he himself could hardly hear it.

"As soon as possible," Eros said.

"Trowa, thanks a lot, but could you go get Wufei and

bring him down to the pool? Since we're all going to

be there anyway, I figured we could have lunch al

fresco," he said, smiling hopefully.

"Okay," Trowa said quietly, then left. Quatre sagged

against the counter, then gave his strange companions

and uninterpretable look.

"Can you make yourselves solid?" he asked suddenly.

"Yep. We ~are~ Gods, after all," Thalia said.

"Well, do so. You're going to make sandwiches for five

starved teenaged pilots," he said, beginning to make

the lemonade. "The bread's over there, and the Miracle

Whip, meat, and cheese are all in the fridge. Well?

What are you waiting for?"

The two Olympians exchanged looks. Thalia shrugged.

"You gotta see the irony here," she said, then snapped

her fingers. She began to get the ingredients out.

Eros sighed and snapped his fingers, also becoming

solid. He frowned as he began to spread Miracle Whip

on the bread.

"Say, Quatre, ever hear the one about the rabbi, the

elephant, and the sky-diving stripper?" Thalia asked

cheerfully.

"Er-"

"Good! So this rabbi walks into a bar -"

Quatre sighed. The things one did for love...

Author's Note:

{1}- Yeah, 'home.' More like fifty-room mansion with

two Olympic-sized pools, eight tennis courts, three

personal gyms, six acres of grounds, and a mobile suit

hangar.

{2}- Eros: Hey! I'm hot! ::struts::

Quatre, Thalia ::drool::

He's so humble.

{3}- No, he isn't able to reproduce by himself! (icky

thought, ne?) I mean, he isn't interested in ANYONE,

male or female. I am NOT a HYxRP fan, and I don't want

Heero getting in the way of my Fei-chan. ^_^

Well, all I can say is poor Quatre. Now then... Eros?

Eros ::nocks an arrow with a heart-shaped point to his

bow and aims at the readers::

If you don't send C&C, Eros will make you fall in love

with the nearest rabid wart hog. So it's really in

your best interest. PLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSE?????

Arigato! ^_^

Eros: ::sighs and holds up a sign that reads: "Send

all Comments and Criticisms to [email protected]"