Matteo: Hello everybody. I am Professor Matteo and I am here to teach you yuppies how to speak Japanese because…I want to. First off you will refer to me as sensei. Why? Because it makes me feel powerful! Buahahahahahahhahaha!!!

Cherry Blossom: Hey sensai, is this session free?

Matteo: For everyone visiting the site, yes. For you…no. Gimme twelvehundred dollars.

Cherry Blossom: Forget it!

Matteo: Five?

Cherry Blossom: No.

Matteo: Stick of pocky?

Cherry Blossom: I don’t really need to learn Japanese.

Matteo: Fine, it’s free for you too.

Cherry Blossom: Yay!

Matteo: Listen up! Our first lesson is going to be on how to address people. How would you say hello to me, Cherry?

Cherry Blossom: Wazzuuuuup Matteo!

Matteo: O.o;;; Wrong, wrong, WRONG. Not only was that a very idiotic way of greeting someone, it WASN’T JAPANESE!

Cherry Blossom: Whoa, chill out.

Matteo: Quiet, you might learn something. Now, the most common way to address someone is with the prefix "san" added onto their name. It means Mr., or Miss, or Mrs. all in one, which is great for those ambiguous people who don’t look like either sex…you know who I’m talking about.

Cherry Blossom: Yeah, some guy at my work is always getting called "ma’am" ‘cause no one can tell if he’s a girl or a guy. It’s so funny and—

Matteo: ::glare::

Cherry Blossom: What? I’m paying attention.

Matteo: Don’t use the prefix "san" when you’re talking about yourself.

Cherry Blossom: Why not?

Matteo: Because it’s not Japanese you dolt.

Cherry Blossom: Oh.

Matteo: So…pretend I’m someone else…

Cherry Blossom: Gladly.

Matteo: And you wanted to greet me. What would you say?

Cherry Blossom: Wazuuuuuuuup Matteo-san!

Matteo: -_-;;; This is going to take a lot of work…

Cherry Blossom: ^__^

Matteo: When you want to address a teacher, like me, add "sensei" to their name instead of "san". It doesn’t matter if your teacher is male or female or if it’s a teacher of languages or cooking. The address is the same. Now everybody greet me properly.

Cherry Blossom: Wazuuuuuuuup Matteo-sensei!

Matteo: You’re getting an F- I hope you know.

Cherry Blossom: ^__^

Matteo: The next address you must learn is "chan". You use this when talking to children or really close friends. You may also shorten the person’s name to show affection and familiarity.

Cherry Blossom: Right-O Teo-chan.

Matteo: >_< I hate it when you call me that.

Cherry Blossom: I know.

Matteo: You use "watashi" when you want to refer to yourself. If I were to introduce myself, for example, I would say

Watashi wa Matteo desu.

(My name is Matteo)

Now you try.

Cherry Blossom: Watashi wa Cherry Blossom desu.

Matteo: Good. Now, when you want to address someone else by saying "you", use the word "anata". This is used very often, mind. Usually you would use the prefix "san" and the person’s name. But if you don’t know their name then you would have to use "anata".

Anata wa Cherry Blossom desu.

(You are Cherry Blossom)

Cherry Blossom: Anata wa Cherry Blossom desu.

Matteo: No, no. Watashi wa Matteo desu. Anata wa Cherry Blossom desu.

Cherry Blossom: I’m confused.

Matteo: ::sigh:: Just go home and review your notes.

Cherry Blossom: Okaaaay! See you next week Matteo-sensei!

Matteo: What did I do to deserve this?