| Interview with John from SEVER at New England Hardcore and Metal Festival, 2002 - Worcester MA By Oswald Knox Knox: Aright, uh... ahem. I'm, I'm here with... I'm here with - John: John from Sever. Knox: From Severed. Where's, where's Severed from? John: Albany, New York, motherfucker. Knox: Ah, heh heh. What, uh... are you straightedge? John: Uh, I am, but the rest of the band is not. Knox: I thought everyone from up there was straightedge. John: No, that ended a few years ago. Now everyone, uh, smokes alot of drugs. All the time. Knox: Is that where Karl is, Karl Buechner is from? John: No, he's from Syracuse. That's about 3 hours west. Knox: Uh, it's all the same. Uh, why does he wear a pink head band? John: Um, well, I don't know him personally, but I have seen him hanging out a lotta, you know, those other guys that are straightedge - Knox: Alternative types? John: Yeah, alternative. But, I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, you know? Knox: Uh, good times. I'm just gonna ask you a couple questions, here. John: Ok. Knox: Ahem. Question number 3 from Oswald Knox's book of truth. Uh, questionnumbertwentythree: Carmen Electra or Jenny McCarthy? John: I say Carmen Electra. Knox: Why is that? John: Because I l - because I wanna touch her butt. Knox: ... Aright... uh... number, question number 18. Who's gonna win, Vitor Belfort or Tito Ortiz? John: I say Tito. Knox: Why? John: He was in the Jackson's, right? Knox: Ha-eh. Uh.... Somebody: (laughs) Knox: Aright.. ok, here's a good question for you. Ahem, and I asked, I asked those faggots from Deadeyesunder this question. John: Oh, they're a bunch of fucking queers. Knox: Uh, here, here's the question. Do you (sings) "Keep on Falling, In and out, Of love, With you?" John: (Tries to sing) Sometimes. Knox: You don't really use a whole lotta melody in your band, do you? John: Um, I try to but it ends up horrible. Knox: How long have you been in the hardcore scene? John: Uh, bout 6 and a half years I guess is when I went to the first show I went to. Knox: Do you know that that automatically, without question, makes you a fucking loser? John: Uh, yeah. I was aware a that. I think if I'm in it for twenty years, maybe it gets to another level. Knox: Then you somehow ascend out of loserdom? John: Um, no, no, no. I ascend to, like, arch-loserdom. Knox: Arch-loserdom. I like that. John: Thank you. Knox: Question number 20. Oh - Some security bitch lady: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! OTHER SIDE OF THE ROPES! WE DON'T - (tape cuts out) Knox: What's the name of your band again? John: Sever. Knox: Are you actually gonna pretend like anybody cares? John: Uh, we try - to pretend - that people - care. Knox: Aright, um... uh... I forget what the last question was I asked you. So, ok, no, here we go. Question number 20. Oh no you didn't, girlfriend! John: Yes I did! Knox: Oh no you dit-n't! John: Yes I did! Knox: Oh no you dit-n't, bizatch! John: What you just call me? Knox: Bizatch! John: What? I'll, I'll fuckin break you right now! Knox: Ima get da bling-bling on ya muhfuh! John: Muthafucka, I'll fuckin'... Oh man, I lost it. I'm sorry. Knox: You white honky fucking geek. John: I lost it. Knox: Aright, um... the worst band. Question number 24. The worst band playing tonight. John: Oh... probably... Lamb of God. Knox: Why's that? John: Because I don't like them. Knox: Fair enough. Um, hey, you remember that show "You Can't Do That On Television!"? John: YES! Knox: Member that girl Moose? John: Uh, vaguely. Knox: She was fucking HOT! John: I know. I have posters of her on my wall. Above my bed. Knox: Um... comment on the existence of the Yeti. John: Well.... You know what... maybe, in like.... uh.... Yeah. I'm sorry. Knox: Do you hate the Swiss? John: No, because they never did anything to me. But the French is another story, sometimes. Knox: Do you believe in the theory of reciprocal altruism under the New Darwinian Paradigm? John: Not really. I think it's a bunch a horse shit. Knox: Uh, qualify that, please. John: Well, I think that everything that is foreign to me is a bunch a horse shit. Knox: Why is that foreign? John: Uh, cuz - Knox: Because what you have to understand is that the New Darwinian Paradigm underlies all of our social interactions. John: Well, now I just think you're making up words. Knox: Well, no, the New... you, you, you know, Charles Darwin. John: Yeah, I know. He's from, uh, Syracuse, right? Knox: Do, yeah, yeah. He, he was in that, that band, uh, uh, Path of Least Resistance or whatever gay. John: Yes, yes. He was straightedge. Knox: Uh, yeah. Him. Uh, moving on. I tire of that question. John: Aright. Knox: Uh, questionnumbertwelve. Tyra Banks or Gina Lee Nolin? John: Oh, Tyra. Knox: Why? John: Um... cuz she, oh. Cuz she gives good head. Knox: Heh heh, and you would know that how? John: Uh... Knox: Fucking loser from upstate. Please. John: Hey. Knox: Fucking straightedge LOSER! John: You're getting kinda harsh, here. Knox: Are you straightedge? John: Yeah. Knox: How come? John: Um... because I was never really too interested in, you know, doing crack or anything. And uh, I don't know, the rest of it kinda never really interested me, either. You know, I'm not like trying to fucking start a movement or anything. You know what I mean? Knox: Do you X up? John: No! Cuz that's kinda gay. And I don't really wanna be too gay. Just straightedge, but not full-out gay, you know what I mean? Knox: Uh, ok. Uh, fair enough. Um... Jean-Paul Sartre claimed that Kafka was an existentialist, uh, but many classify him in the absurdist category. Uh, what do you think? And before you answer this question, I just asked this question of 100 Demons, and I thought they were gonna fucking murder me. John: Why, why were they gonna murder you? Knox: Uh, I don't know. They were like, uh "You ask dumb questions. I kill!" John: Well, they're from Connecticut, and, you know, Connecticut is kinda tough. I'm from, uh, upstate New York, which apparently is kinda gay. So I'm not gonna try to kill you or anything. Knox: Does that mean that I'm tough? John: Where are you from. Knox: I'm from Connecticut. John: Um, I don't know. I mean, you're - I mean, people think that Connecticut is tough. And I'm sure that 100 Demons is probably tough, but I find that most bands from Connecticut, and most kids from Connecticut, are kinda gay. Even gayer than Albany. Knox: Heh heh, that's awesome. Uh, did you know that I am the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness? John: Uh, no, but I'm not suprised. Knox: Uh, good. Uh, anyway, uh, getting back. Franz Kafta, Kafka, uh, existentialist or absurdist? John: Uh, absurdist. Knox: Why? John: Uh, cuz he's full of horse shit. Knox: Uh.... what do you think about, uh, Bloomquistian Existentialism? John: I cry when I masturbate. Knox: Aright, fair enough. Uh, in the Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, uh, is he expressing his self-isolating tendancies, or his ista - intamacy issues with his family, uh, or is he just writing a creepy story? John: I think he just likes big bugs. Knox: Ah! Hey, hey, you know that you're the first guy who knew that one. John: Heh heh heh heh. Knox: Um, I don't think the guy from Mastodon could read. John: Well, they're from the south, I believe. Knox: Those guys were southerners? John: I'm pretty sure. Knox: I shouldn't have even talked to them, then. John: I know. I'm suprised they could even speak English. Knox: Aright, you've made it to the, uh, the bonus question. What's your name again? John: My name's John. Knox: Please. Don't waste my time. Aright, here we go. Ahem. Uh, I'm gonna ask you, uh, five questions. Uh, you have 15 seconds to answer each. And at the end, we'll tally up your score. Sound good? John: Aright. I'm in. Knox: Uh, questionnumberone. Spell Borknagar. John: Uh... C - A - T. Knox: Uh, question number two. Uh, what was the name of the device that uh, that the, time, uh, that the, that, the, that uh, caused time travel in Back To The Future? John: Does that take up my 15 seconds when you stutter like that? Knox: Uh duh duh duh duh duh FfffffUCK you! Questionnumberthree. John: Delorean? Knox: Ahem. Uh, uh... questionnumberthree. best Enterprise Captain. John: Kirk. Knox: Question number 4. What's your lucky number. John: 17. Knox: Um... John: I mean, SIX SIX SIX! Knox: Um... questionnumberfive. Angela Lansbury. John: Dude, I'd totally bang her in like 2 seconds. Knox: Aright, ok. Stop the clock. Going back. Borknagar. You spelled it C - A - T. I'm sorry. Uh...that's wrong. The answer is N - O - R - D - I - C F - A - G. John: I was pretty close. Knox: Ahem. Questionnumbertwo, whatwasthenameofthedevice. You said "Delorean." No, it's Flux Capacitor. Flux Capacitor. John: I'm not very smart with cars. Knox: Um. Ahem. Number three. Best Enterprise Captain. You said Kirk. John: And I was right. Knox: Good answer. John. Heh heh heh. Knox: Undeniable. Do you know that I have a huge tattoo across my back that says "Jim Kirk" in korean? John: That's fucking awesome. Knox: Uh... what's your favorite - er, uh - what's your lucky number. You said 17? John: Yeah, but I tried to retract it to 666. Knox: Is that because, uh, all hardcore kids are 17? John: No, it's because all my girlfriends are 17. Knox: Ha ah! Um... ahem... uh, actually no. Because of your extreme heft, because of your extreme uh, girth, and honestly, your morbid obesity, the answer is pi. Probably lot's of pi's. John: Yes. Lot's of .... pi. Knox: Uh, questionumberfive. Uh, Angela Lansbury... you said. Uh, what'd you say again? John: I said "Dude, I'd totally bang her in two seconds." Knox: That's the only acceptable answer that I've gotten to that question tonight. John: Nice. Knox: What'd you... what what... her present state, er back when she was younger? John: Dude, fucking either. I'd cum in like a second, too. Knox: Are you kidding me? John: No! Knox: What about they guy, uh, what about the guy Tom Bosley? John: Not him, no. I wouldn't bang him in two seconds. Knox: What show was he on, Father, uh... Father - John: Uh - Knox: You know, he was the dad on Happy Days. John: Yeah. I don't get the radio. TV. Knox: Uh... you said you were straightedge. John: Yeah, but I'm still an idiot. I'm sorry. Knox: Uh, do you have any parting comments? John: Um... go to, uh, www.sever666.com. And uh... you can hear us sound like idiots... cuz.... Sever is the name of the band.... Aright.... that's it.... Thank you. Uh... and thanks again... and uh... um.... I like under age girls. Knox: IamtheBringerofTruthinthisAgeofDarkness! |