| "I did not realize this was a comedy mag..." PESSIMIST INTERVIEW by Oswald Knox 5/6/02 Conducted via Instant Messenger Oswald Knox: Ok, I'm here with Kell from Pessimist. How's things? Pessimist: keeping busy, we just got back from NJ Metal Meltdown and New England Metal & Hardcore Fest...our new CD "Slaughtering the Faithful" has just been released on Lost Disciple Records. Oswald Knox: Good times. First question... would you consider your music to be "brutal?" Kell: definitely. Oswald Knox: Yeah, but is it "brutal?" Kell: man, this new album is just brutal as fuck, it's the most brutal music we have ever recorded Oswald Knox: Yeah, but is it "brutal" though? Kell: whay don't you listen and see for yourself Oswald Knox: ok Oswald Knox: Next question: Noah from Skinless harbors a rabid hatred of the Swiss. As do I. Do you want to be a charter member of the Anti-Swiss Society? Kell: no, that doen't interest me, at all. Oswald Knox: C'mon, the goddam Swiss, all they do is not fight and jip us on the cheese. Kell: ah yes, but the cheese is indeed full of holes...what a rip-off! Oswald Knox: I say we kill them! Kill them all! Kell: i don't care, really. i think there are some good swiss bands,, Oswald Knox: yeah, like not eyeseered? Kell: are they brutal? Oswald Knox: Oh boy, but are they brutal. In a GAY GAY GAY Swiss kinda way! Oswald Knox: No, you should check them out. I just think their drummer is a little... how should I say... GAY GAY GAY! Kell: HAHAHAHA,, well, then fucking KILL THEM! But I have not heard this band.... Oswald Knox: Next question. Christina Aguilera or Jennifer Lopez? Kell: i dont dig latin chicks that much,,, i guess christina, if I had to choose Oswald Knox: What does "Metempsychosis" mean? Kell: metempsychosis in general refers to reincarnation - more specifically to the various levels or "stages"of reincarnation... Oswald Knox: Are you the reincarnation of Shirley MacLaine? Kell: i did not realize this was a comedy mag Oswald Knox: Oh, no... I was serious. Oswald Knox: If you got in a fight with Chuck Billy, who would win? Kell: dude, i don't think Chuck is too active these days is he Oswald Knox: Not really. But he's big. And he's Chuck Billy. Oswald Knox: Is it true that you were onced employed at Walt Disney world as Goofy? You wore the costume and everything? Kell: no, that must be from your own past dude...I have worked at some fucked up jobs though, in the past Oswald Knox: Are you serious? I heard from a reliable source that that was true. Kell: HAHAHAHA yeah ok,, maybe you should check your source...do you go to disney world often? Oswald Knox: Never. I heard Glen Benton lives in Florida, and well... Oswald Knox: Ok, the goal now is to make it as far as the bonus round... Oswald Knox: Speaking of jobs - I once tried out to be the original singer for Pessimist, but I didn't brush my hair enough on stage. Kell: hahaha, you actually saw our ex-singer brushing his hair on stage?? HAHAHA, thats hilarious Oswald Knox: Would it be possible for me to get an autograph for my friend Jenn? She, like, oh-MY-god, is so, like, totally, into you guys, and like, you should even like see her, like, campaigning outside of TRL for you guys, like every, like, day. Kell: ya whaddya want me to just send you an autograph over the IM here,, sure... Oswald Knox: I don't know. We'll figure it out. Next question: Which Boys II Men album had the biggest effect on your life? And why? Kell: none, because i never bought their albums and i don't listen to that shit...except for that one song about the girl is gonna do me,, i like that one ...smack it, flip it,, rub it down,, Kell: what about you? Oswald Knox: You know, the one where they sing, and then there's that harmony part, and then they sing some more? But, then is it true that we can expect a rap-crossover on your next record? Kell: come on dude,, it's really early here,,,, Oswald Knox: Alright, almost done. Kell: for the record, i HATE rap-crossover Oswald Knox: Good enough. Oswald Knox: But honestly, I have a serious problem here... It seems... and please, take me seriously because I don't know what to do. I... I... Oswald Knox: ... I was baptized in blaspemy(sic). I feel like the embodiment of impurity, and during my metempsychosis, I was summoned to suffer. I feel almost... almost... stripped of immortality. Oswald Knox: Would you sing my requiem? Kell: killer,,, don't forget the Resurrected Torment from the Infernal Abyss! Oswald Knox: Yeah, that. Oswald Knox: Ok, you've made it to the Final Round! This is where I fire off 5 questions. You have 15 seconds to answer each and then we'll tally your score. Deal? Kell: go for it Oswald Knox: Did you scream like a woman during "The Blair Witch Project"? Kell: yeah Oswald Knox: Did you scream like a woman during "Dirty Dancing?" Kell: hahah,, no Oswald Knox: #3. How dead is Layne Staley? Kell: dood,,, he's dead. you can't get any more than that, he's the most dead you can be. maximum deadness. Oswald Knox: You know what's awesome? They couldn't identify his body right away. You should write a song about it called "Undeterminate Expirational Identity of the Deceased." Oswald Knox: #4 - Your favorite color? Kell: black, of corpse Oswald Knox: Fifth and Final: How gay is the concept of reincarnation? Kell: hey we're not makin this shit up,,, you should read about it, it's not what you think Oswald Knox: Ok... stop the clock... going back. Oswald Knox: #1... Did you scream during "Blair Witch?" You said yes... the answer is "No, you did." Kell: ewww, Oswald Knox: #2. Did you scream during "Dirty Dancing." You said no. The answer is "No, you did." Oswald Knox: #3. How dead is Layne Staley. The answer? Wicked dead. Kell: i should get bonus points for "maximum deadness" Oswald Knox: #4. Favorite color, you said black. I'm sorry, no... the answer is "fuscha." "Fuscha." Oswald Knox: And last question... Reincarnation. C'mon... how hindu is that? Really. Be serious. Kell: na its a bit different than reincarnation really,,, you'd have to understand Oswald Knox: Should I call you A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada? Oswald Knox: That's what I'm gonna call you. A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Oswald Knox: From Pessimist. That's your name now. Kell: hey i got an idea, let's do an interview sometime Oswald Knox: Don't make me type it again. A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada from Pessimist. Oswald Knox: Hey, thanks for the interview, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada from Pessimist, and if you want to fight me, my name is Chris "Ice-T is my Homey from Around the Way" Barnes and I can be reached at Metalblade Records. Oswald Knox: A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada from Pessimist. Kell: good luck with your zine, although you may know there is already a Grimoire of Exalted Deeds Oswald Knox: A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada from Pessimist Oswald Knox: C'mon, say it with me... it's fun. Oswald Knox: A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada from Pessimist Oswald Knox: A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada from Pessimist Oswald Knox: A what? Kell signed off at 10:16:14 AM. For info, visit www.pessimist.com |