Interview with Troy from MASTODON and TWO GIRLS at the New England Metal and Hardcore Festival, Worcester MA, 2002.

By Oswald Knox

Knox:  Uh... I just wanted uh...
Troy:  He he he.
Knox:  I, uh - Heh heh.  I just wanted to get your opinion.  Uh -
One Girl:  Can we listen in?
Knox:  Uh, yeah, yeah.  I just inter - interviewed the singer for God Forbid and, uh, and some guys from 100 Demons.  I've never felt so physically threatened in my life.
Troy:  Oh shit.  You're a Tae Kwon Do triple black belt. 
Knox:  I'm, huh -
Troy:  Or whatever it's called.
Knox:  Yeah, you know what, you know what that means, though?
Some guy:  I need Mastodon money.
Troy:  Does it, does it mean nothing?
Knox:  Fag.  That's what it means.
Some guy:  ... Mastodon money.
Knox:  Uh, anyway, real quick, uh... Can I get a review of Oswald Knox?  A quick  quote about Oswald Knox?
Troy:  I'm interested in checking out his site.  He seems like a, uh, one of the good freaks in life.
Knox:  Freak?
Troy:  Uh, a good freak.  I like him.  He's, uh, he's a bit demented.  Friendly.  Charming.... Seems like a good guy.
Girl:  Lady killer?
Troy:  Could be.
Knox:  Ha!  Literally!
Troy:  So I'm interested in learning more.  I'm gonna look at the, uh...
Knox:  Comment, comment-
Troy:  Site.
Knox:  Comment on my lack of, um, of, uh, eye contact.
Girl 1:  Eye contact!  That freaks me out!
Girl 2:  No eye contact from this guy at all!
Girl 1:  He's always looking around in circles, up and down, over to the sides.
Knox:  From, from a psychological standpoint, why would you think that is -
Girl 1:  He's nervous.
Girl 2:  I think that you're nervous around people and especially with all this group of people around you.
Girl 1:  Social Anxiety Disorder.
Girl 2:  Maybe.
Knox:  Do you, do you think it could be from my xenophobic misanthropia?
Girl 1:  It could be.  Do you want some Zanax?
Girl 2:  Look at me in the eye when you ask me that.
Knox:  I can't do that.  It's physically impossible.
Girl 2:  Look at me.
Girl 1:  (laughs)
Girl 2:  Well, I did just say it anways, so it doesn't matter.
Knox:  Uh, any parting comments for the guy with no eye contact?
Troy:  (laughs)
Girl 1:  Take some Zoloft?
Knox:  What does that do?
Troy:  Nothing.
Girl 1:  It, uh, helps anxiety disorders. 
Knox:  Can you believe that I am one hundred percent straightedge?
Girl 1:  Yes!
Troy:  I do believe that.
Girl 2:  No.
Girl 1:  Yes!
Girl 2:  I don't believe you.
Girl 1:  Yes. 
Knox:  Why do you believe that?
Girl 1:  Cuz you ARE so tweaked out, and most people who are straightedge are that way.
Knox:  You know, if I, if I, I am completely straightedge.  Never touched anything.  But if I did, it would probably be like a mind-altering, like, hallucinogenic.  What do you think about that.  What -
Girl 2:  That would be like the worst thing.
Girl 1:  I think you need some morphine.
Knox:  ... What would that do to me?
Girl 1:  That would make you feel good.
Knox:  .... Good times.  Off I go.
Girl 1:  Good times.
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