| JR from PIG DESTROYER and TROY from MASTODON - Conducted at the New England Metal and Hardcore Festival, 2002 By Oswald Knox Knox: Alright, I'm here with uh, with uh, the vocalist from Pig Destroyer, and his name is - JR: JR. Knox: JR, and the guy from Mastodon, and he is? Troy: My name is Troy. Knox: What do you do in Mastodon? Troy: I play the bass guitar and I do vocals. Knox: Good deal. Are you guys aware that I am the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness? Troy: I was unaware. Knox: Aright, were you aware of that? JR: You're, you're a what? I'm sorry? Knox: I'm the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness. JR: Who are you bringing truth to? Brett: adibidebebebebedbdebdbdebdbdebdbdebdbebdbdbdbebebeebdbdbdbebe- Knox: The masses. Brett: bdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebd JR: Just out of curiosity. Brett: bdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebd Knox: Hold on, hold on, hold on! Brett: bdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebd bdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebdedbde! Troy: Says it all. Knox: If, if I could just say, that's fucking amazing. And, and you are, sir? JR: Oh, I, I think he just told you. He's Brett, and he plays guitar in Mastodon. Knox: Oh, good, good times. Aright, uh, let's get down to the questions here. Uh, question number 18 from the, uh, the Great Book of Truth. Um, who's gonna win, uh, Vitor Belfort or Tito Ortiz? Brett: bdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebd! Knox: Good times. Good times. Um, aright, uh, name one, uh, question number 2, uh, name - name one celebrity that you would like to fight? JR: To fight? Um... I would like to fight Morrisey. Knox: Morrisey? Awesome. Why is that? JR: Cuz I like him alot. Knox: So you'd wanna fight him. Is - in a sexual way? JR: Yeah. Absolutely. Knox: Woo hoo! Um, question number 3. Carmen Electra or Jenny McCarthy? Brett: What was the question? Knox: Uh, Carmen Electra or Jenny McCarthy? Brett: Carmen Electra. Knox: And why is that? Brett: Cuz she's HOT! Knox: Aright. Uh, question number 4. This might be a tough one. The worst band playing tonight. The worst band playing tonight. Brett: That's easy. JR: Pig Destroyer. Brett: Mastodon. Troy: Mastodon. Knox: Ok. Pig Destroyer and Mastodon are the answers. Um, ok. Here, here's a good one, here. Question number fi-, uh 25 of Oswald Knox's Book of Truth. Um, do you uh (sings) "Keep on falling, In and out, of love, with you?" JR: Absolutely. Brett: bdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebdbdbdbebdbedb dbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebdbdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebdbdbdbebdbedbdbbdbebbedbebdbebdbdebebdbedbdbdebbebdbdebebdebdebebdbgow! Knox: Now, I'm aware that you're only doing that cuz that's gonna be a bitch for me to type out. Anyway, uh, do, do you, do you do that? Troy: I, I didn't here it. I was laughing. I'm sor - what? Knox: Uh, ok, nevermind. Uh, next one... Troy: I'm sorry. Knox: That's alright. Uh, uh, confirm or deny. Ozzy should be sanctified, if not deified, by all existing religions. Troy: Ozzy is god. I, I, k, I cannot confirm or deny that. Knox: Have you seen that show on MTV? Troy: Negative. I don't have cable. Knox: Un-believable. It might be, it might be the best thing next to Celebrity Boxing. Troy: Dude, I, I heard the hype, and I've yet to see it. I, I'm so disappointed in myself. Knox: Do you know that, uh, Vanilla Ice got knocked the fuck out? Troy: Yes! Yes yes! Got to see it at fucking, uh, uh, some bar in Kansas City last week when we were on tour. It was amazing! Knox: Did you recognize his cornerman? Troy: No. Knox: Tank Abbott. Troy: Tank Abbott. Knox: Televisions' Tank Abbott. Troy: Unaware. Knox: From "Friends." Troy: Holy shit, no. Unaware. Knox: Uh, good - Troy: That would be the celebrity I would wanna fight, cuz, he's a pushover, you know? Knox: Oh yeah, oh yeah. What a fag. Anyway - Troy: I thought he was a black belt in karate. He said - Knox: I am. I am a black belt in Karate. Troy: Didn't he, didn't he say that shit on a MTV Behind the Music or something? Knox: Who? Who, um - Troy: Uh, uh, I, uh, Vanilla Ice. Knox: Who, who, Rob Van Winkle. Who fucking cares? What a- Troy: And then he goes on that and get's beat by Willis! Knox: What a bitch. Well, Willis has done hard times, you know what I mean? Troy: Yeah, I know. Knox: I'm a black belt in karate. Troy: Oh yeah? Knox .... yeah. Troy: .... (laughs) Knox: Anyway, uh, question number 14. "Who, Jules?" Troy: Jewel? I love Jewel. Knox: No, I mean, "Who, Jules?" Sub-question. "Quien, Julian? De Sabago - Sabado Gigante?" Troy: I - I - I, this is my first day. I - Knox: Aright, um... moving on. Moving on. Um, ok. This one might, this one might be kinda personal. I'm gonna ask your friend here. Uh, question number 17. Is it true - confirm or deny - that the singer for Pig Destroyer actually heads up the Barry Manilow Fanclub? JR: No. But I, I do wanna fuck River Pheonix's corpse really bad. Knox: Aw, yeah. JR: And that's a true statement. Knox: Good times. Good times. Hey, did you guys play the main stage, or, uh, up here? JR: Whatever stage this is. Knox: Uh - Troy: We're the tiddly-winks. Right here. Tiddly-wink stage. Knox: Ok, uh, those guys. Alright. You guys have made it to the bonus round. Um, here's where I'm gonna fire off quick, 5 questions to you. You got 15 seconds to answer each. Are you prepared? Troy: Damn right. Knox: We'll start, we'll start with you. Uh, one, one more time. What's your name again? Troy: Troy - Knox: NOBODY CARES, TROY! Troy: I know. Knox: Aright, uh, moving on. Uh, number, number, number, que -, number one. We're starting the clock right .... now. Number one: Phyllis Diller or Chloris Leachman? Troy: Phyllis Diller. Knox: Uh, number 2. How many chemicals are there in the periodic table? Troy: 31. Knox: Number 3: Finish this line: "I did it all for the ____" Troy: Love of money. Knox: Number 4, uh... how many in a Baker's Dozen? Troy: 6. Knox: Number 5. Your favorite color? Troy: Pig Destroyer. Knox: Aright, uh, uh, stop the clock. Going back. Number one, Phyllis Diller or Chloris Leachman. I'm sorry, you're wrong. The answer is Ernest Borgnine. Ernest Borgnine of Airwolf. Troy: ... Speachless. Knox: Uh, number 2. How many elements in the periodic table. I don't know what you said, but you were wrong. The answer is "Who fucking cares? For the love of god, who fucking cares?" ... Uh, number 3, uh... finish this line: "I did it a - I did it all for ..." You said the love of money. If you had answered, uh, the, the nookie, I woulda called you a fag. But you had the best answer I've heard tonight, and I've already interviewed that guy from Shai Hulud, so... good answer. Uh, how many in a Baker's Dozen, you said 6? Uh, the, the correct answer's 13. Any good Satanist would know that. Troy: Sorry, I was, uh... JR: Well, Troy's not a Satanist. Troy: Ahh, ... I .... Knox: Why not? JR: Cuz he's got a goatee. Knox: Oh. JR: He doesn't need Satan cuz he's already got his goatee. Knox: Oh, good, good enough. Uh, question number 5, your favorite color. What'd you say again? Troy: Pig Destroyer. Knox: Uh, I'm sorry, no. The answer is violet with lavender polka-dots. Violet with lavender polka dots. Moving on to your friend, here - Uh, this singer for Pig Destroyer. What's your name, one more time? Troy: JR. JR: Singer for Pig Destroyer. Knox: I'm telling you what, nobody cares. Alright? JR: Right. Knox: Nobody ca -, okay. Troy: My parents told me I was special. They were wrong. Knox: Uh - Scott Lee: You guys have a good time? JR: Absolutely. Knox: Alright. Um... Troy: I gotta get your magazine, Brother. Knox: And this is, this is who? JR: Very much so. Scott Lee: Scott Lee. Knox: From... the guy who set up the show? Scott Lee: Yup. Knox: Good times. Good times. Aright. Um... aright, um... could ... here, here's a special quiz for the guy from Pig Destroyer. JR: Ok. Knox: Who nobody cares about and who everybody hates. JR: Right. Knox: Question number 1. Spell Borknagar. JR: F-A-G. Knox: I like that answer. Question number 2. Uh, what was the name of the device that causes time travel in "Back To The Future"? JR: Uh, Christopher Lloyd. Knox: Uh, question number three... The best Enterprise Captain. JR: Um, I would have to go with, uh ... I got 15 seconds, right? Knox: Correct. JR: I would have to go with Brad Pitt. Knox: Um... what's your lucky number? JR: Zero. Knox: Uh... question number 5. Angela Lansbury. JR: Fag. Troy: (Laughs) Knox: Aright, uh, going back. Stop the clock. Uh, Borknagar. You s-, you s-, you said, one more time. How'd you spell it? JR: F-A-G. Knox: That's, that's almost correct. In fact, uh, I interviewed Matt from Shadow's Fall earlier... totally had the wrong answer. The correct answer is N-O-R-D-I-C, F-A-G. JR: (laughs) Knox: Question number 2. Uh, I don't know what you said, but the name - oh, you said Christopher Lloyd. Uh, the name of the, uh, the device that actually sent, uh, sent him back into, uh, into time was the Flux Capacitor. The Flux Capacitor. Number 3. Best Enterprise Captain. You said... JR: I think I said Brad Pitt. Knox: Uh, I'm sorry. The- the answer is, is James Kirk. Jim Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. Uh, I take offense to that. Do you wanna fight me? JR: Uh.. are... can you fuck me afterwards? Knox: I'm a bla - JR: Or before? Knox: I'm a black belt in karate. JR: So am I, actually. Knox: What kinda karate? JR: I'm a third degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Knox: Awesome, uh, what uh, what - ITF? JR: Uh, U eh, USDF, actually. Knox: Uh, from where? JR: Uh, they're based out of Arkansas. Knox: You ever compete? JR: Uh, actually, yeah. Knox: Is that Olympic style, or traditional? JR: Um, actually, it wa - it wasn't either, actually. Knox: What do you think of Hee Il Cho? JR: Oh, he's a pretty fucking bad-ass dude. He kicks heavy-bags in half. Knox: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. I heard that he kicks heavy-bags in half. Do you have any of his books? JR: I have seen his books, and I've seen the pictures of him, and uh, I've seen him, uh, pictures of him doing spear hands through three inches of wood. Knox: That's awesome. Do you do forms or do you just like to spar? JR: Um, I don't like to do either. I like to do self-defense where I learn how to tear people's throat out. Knox: That's awesome. You could - could you demonstrate that on, that on the, uh, bassist for Mastodon? JR: Uh, no, because I like, I like Troy. Knox: Uh... good times. Uh, anything else about Tae Kwon Do? JR: Uh... no. Knox: What's your favorite jump spinning kick? JR: Uh, I don't like jump spinning kicks because they're not effective in, uh, self-defense. Knox: You don't think they're fun, though? JR: Absolutely not, and my knees are wrecked because of them. And I've never forgiven them for it. Knox: Can you do a butterfly kick? JR: Yes I can. Knox: Can you do an e dan dwi tollyo pakeso ahnero chaki? JR: Uh, only when I'm on coke. Troy: (laughs) Knox: If I said - I, uh, ok, what would your reaction be if I said "Choon Bee!" JR: I would, uh, go to ready stance. (Goes to ready stance). Knox: If I said "Cha ryut!" JR: Uh, I think I would come to attention. (Comes to attention). Knox: If I said "Kukgyi Ba Rae!" JR: Uh, I think I would pry take a shit in my hand and throw it at you. Knox: If I said, "Ba Ro!" JR: I think I would pry take three shits in my hand and throw it at you. Knox: If I said "Sa Bom Nim, E Kyung Yet!" JR: I'd stick my finger up my ass. Knox: If I said "Il Soo Sik Dae Ryun!" JR: Ok, I have no idea. Knox: If I said that, uh, the guy from Mastodon has absolutely no idea what we're talking about, what would you say then? Troy: True. JR: True. Knox: Uh, aright, uh... I forgot where we were. Best Enterprise... ok. Uh, what's your lucky number. What'd you say again? JR: I think I said zero. Knox: Uh, no. Uh, judging from your, uh, hefty-ness, your, your rotundness, your, your extreme mass, I'm sorry, no. The answer is pi. JR: Ok. I'll take your word for it. Knox: Uh, question number 5. Angela Lansbury. Uh, what'd you say again? JR: Uh, I think I called her a fag. Knox: The answer is, ofcourse. You kidding? You telling me you wouldn't hit it with Angela Lansbury? JR: Uh, is it actually on "Murder She Wrote?" Like, on camera? Knox: Yeah. Present state. JR: No. Knox: Good lord. For the love of the children. JR: No. Knox: What about Aaliyah's, um, reanimated corpse? Troy: Not into her anymore. She's history. Knox: No, I - that's what I'm saying. Her reanimated corpse. Troy: Uh, I had a necrophiliac, uh, exprience once. And uh, it bored me. JR: ... Knox: ... Troy: ... Knox: I love that story. Hey, uh, do you guys know, um, Jenn from Metal Maniacs? JR: Um, I don' t think so. Knox: I, actua.... uh, not Metal Maniacs. Uh, Metal Mafia? JR: No. Knox: That's good, and I'll tell you why. Cuz nobody cares about Jenn from Metal Mafia. Do you guys know Chris X from Philadelphia? Troy: Yeah! He's a pretty good dude. I know him - Knox: You know him? Troy: Yeah, I stayed at his house. I sle - I slept in his coffin. He took a picture of me. Knox: Chris X from uh... what's he look like, if you're so smart? Troy: Well, he's about, uh, your height. Short black hair. Black goatee. Owns a bad-ass record store. Totally into Satanism. Knox: Wrong answer! Troy: That's correct, sir. I'm sorry. I did it with him last night. Knox: You know, he's that hardcore kid that has dredlocks, and uh - Troy: WRONG! Some girl: You're wrong. Knox: You mean there's more than one Chris X from Philadelphia - JR: There's only one Chris X, and he's from Baltimore. Knox: Oh, that's awesome! I'm gonna tell this kid Chris X that he's a fucking faggot! Some girl: Right. Knox: The one that I know. Troy: I agree. Word up. Good times. Knox: Good times. Good times. I am the Bri - I am the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness. Troy: Man, I agree. JR: I, I didn't agree, but I think I agree now. Knox: Uh, this will be posted on seedsofevil.com, also, my own homesite, which is uh, www.geocities.com/oswaldknox, because that's me, Oswald Knox. I am so fucking cheap that I won't even sponsor my own domain name. What do you think about that? Troy: I, uh, I would do the same thing, I think, if I were in your, uh, if, if I were in your Pumas, er, a Nike's, I'm sorry. Some Girl: (unintelligible.) Knox: That's, hey, yeah, hey, you wanna see something awesome? Troy: Yeah. Knox: Uh, I had this cheloid on the back of my ear. It was fucking huge. And, I took, I took a surgical scalpel and I cut it off, and if you go to my website, there's pictures, anyway... Here's what it looks like. Troy: Ooh. Knox: But there's still remnants of blood on my shoes, and look at this... on my credit card.... there's blood on the back, cuz it dripped into my pocket... Troy: Brutality. Knox: And then one day I went to Barnes and Nobles, and I was buying a book on homosexuality - Some girl: (unintelligible) Knox: And I gave the card to the woman, and she said "Oh... uh, we'll just, we'll just hope that that's ketchup," and I said "Uh.... no." Some girl: I cut a cheloid off the back of my ear and blood dripped into my pocket. Knox: What do you think about that? Some girl: I think you're fucking - Troy: That's um,... that's, uh, oversharing. Knox: .... Good times. Troy: (Laughs) Knox: Any parting, any parting comments from uh, from the guy, uh, from Pig Destroyer who everybody hates? JR: Good times. Knox: We gotta talk Tae Kwon Do, uh, another time. Uh, any questions, uh, any any parting comments from Troy from, uh, from Mastadon that, again, nobody cares for? Troy: No. No comment. I cannot con - confirm or deny, I'm sorry. JR: But, but good times. Troy: Good, damn right. Knox: Good, good times. Troy: Great oldies. Knox: Off I go. |