| Mike from LETTERS FROM THE DEAD by Oswald Knox. Conducted at the 2002 New England Metal and Hardcore Festival, Worcester, MA Knox: Uh, I'm here with - Mike: Mike from Letters From the Dead. Knox: Uh, and, uh, his friend - Brendan: Brendan. Knox: ... him. Uh, and where's your band from? Mike: Uh, South Shore, Massachussetts. Knox: Uh, how long you been together? Mike: Uh, we were - Knox: Are you, are you aware that nobody cares? Mike: ... Nobody cares at all. Knox: Alright. Ok. Moving on to the important questions. Do you hate the Swiss? Mike: The Swiss? I am neutral towards the Swiss. Knox: Very clever. What about your friend Brendan? Brendan: I have neither hatred nor respect for the Swiss. Knox: Did you know that, uh, that the, uh, the guitarist for Skinless has a rabid hatred for the Swiss? Mike: Has a what now? Knox: He has a rabid hatred for the Swiss. The the the the guitarist, uh, uh... uh, from Skinless - Noah from Skinless. Mike: I was unaware of that, but I will support any hatred which Skinless has. Knox: Uh, good enough. Uh, question, uh, number 14. Who, Jules? Mike: ... Exactly. Knox: Question number 15 - Quien, Julian? Mike: Uh huh. Knox: Uh... do you, uh.... question number 16, and this is an important one. Do you believe in the theory of reciprocal altruism? Mike: Whole-hattedly. Knox: You just said "whole-hattedly." What does that mean? Mike: Whole-hattedly? What the hell are you talking about? Knox: What does that mean? Mike: Means I believe in that theory and will die for it. Knox: Did - did you pahk ya cah? Mike: I certainly did. Knox: Did you get ya cah at Haba Motas? Mike: I got some chowda. Pahked ma cah at Havad Yad, all that. Knox: Haba and yad, and got some clam chowda? Mike: I certainly did. Knox: Uh, confirm or deny. Um, I'm gonna ask your friend this. Hold on a minute. Uh, Ozzy should be sanctified, if not deified, by all existing religions. Brendan: Ozzy is God. He is my grandfather and I support him in the highest. Knox: Uh, good answer. Good answer. Um, Tyra Banks or Gena Lee Nolin? Mike: I don't know who either of those people are. Knox: You don't know who Tyra Banks is? Mike: I don't read magizines... or like people. Knox: Uh... 8. Uh, question number 8: No, it is. Mike: Yes. I agree. Knox: No, it is. Mike: Exactly. Knox: No, it is. Mike: No. Knox: Aright, you made it onto the Bonus Round. Ok, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna fire off quick, 5 quick questions to you. You got 15 seconds to answer each. You cannot go back and correct a, uh, a wrong answer. You ready to go? Mike: Sure. Knox: Question number one. Spell Borknagar. Mike: B-O-R-K-A-N-G-A-R? Knox: Uh, question number 2. Uh, what was the name of the device that causes time travel in "Back to the Future"? Mike: Time flux capacitor. Knox: Say it - Mike: Time flux capacitor. Knox: Uh, the best Enterprise Captain? Brendan: Have to go with Picard. Mike: Kirk. Knox: Um, question number four. Uh... What's your favorite number? Mike: Seven. Knox: Uh... question number 5. Angela Lansbury. Mike: Old. Knox: Ok, aright, stop the clock. Going back. Borknagar. Uh, I don't know how you spelled it. It was wrong. Th- the correct answer is "N-O-R-D-I-C F-A-G." Mike: Ha. Knox: Question number 2. What's the name of the device that causes time travel in "Back to the Future." Flux Capacitor is correct. Question number 3. Your friend said Picard for the best captain of the Enterprise. You said Kirk. Uh, the answer is Kirk. Uh, your friend, um... should be crucified. Upside down. Comment on that. Brendan: That's alright, you know, people have called me Moses. They called my brother Moses, so... They call him Jesus, too, but, whateva. Knox: As a member of the Christian Church, you should be crucified. Brendan. ...Alright. Whateva. Knox: ...uh... Alright. Well, anyway. Moving on. What's your lucky, uh, number, you said number 7. Mike: Yeah. Knox: I'm sorry, that's wrong. That's my lucky number. Uh... judging, the uh correct answer, is, judging from your, your, your girth and, uh, morbid obesity, the answer is pi. Mike: I am a fat bastard. Knox: You said it, not me. Uh, question number 5. Angela Lansbury. You said old. I'm sorry, no. The answer is "ofcourse." Mike: No, she's pretty old. Knox: Are you aware that I am the Bringer of Truth in the Age of Darkness? Mike: Yes? Knox: Uh, any parting comments? Mike: This was the highlight of my life. Knox: Good - good times. Uh, any, uh, any, uh, parting comments? Brendan: Uh, I am suprised that you are the Bringer of Truth, but... alright. Knox: Do I look like the Bringer of Truth in the Age of Darkness? Brendan: You know, I wouldn't know what one would look like, so... you can be. Knox: What if I showed you this? Mike:... Brendan:... Mike:... Brendan:... Knox: I need an answer. Mike: ... Of all the kids I know with their inner lips tattooed, you're one of em. Knox: Good enough. Uh. uh.. That is all, and, uh, uh, thank you for answering questions for the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness. Mike: Word. Knox: Enough of you. |