| INTERVIEW WITH CHRISTINA JORDAN AND SOME ASSHOLE NAMED JESSE THAT EVERYBODY HATES by Oswald Knox Knox: Alright, um... good morning, uh, this is Oswald Knox here, and I'm here - Christina: It is not the morning. Knox: And I'm here with... Christina: Christina Jordan. Knox: Christina Jordan... from where? Christina: New Jersey. Knox: Alright, uh, Jersey, ok. I just got, uh, some quick interview questions for you. Um... now, how are things going with your band? Christina: Things are going awesome. I'm so excited to be playing here tonight. Knox: You guys touring? Christina: Yeah, we're touring, um - Knox: Enough, no body cares. Uh, question #1. Are midgets technically human? Christina: Definately not. Knox: Midgets are not technically - number two, uh, what is, uh what's the date of David Hasselhoff's birthday? Christina: May 25th. Knox: Incorrect. It would be July 17th. Question #3... what does Passion Fruit Snapple taste like? Christina: Shit. Knox: No, it tastes like "the Real Thing!" Uh, question #4. Seriously, uh, how lame is Mel Gibson? Christina: I like Mel Gibson. He's not lame, he's aw - Knox: Gay. Gay. Uh, did you like The Patriot? Christina: Was that with Harrison Ford? Knox: What? Christina: Was that with Harrison Ford? Knox: No, no, no... it's with Mel Gibson. Christina: Oh, no... I - Knox: He's a fucking Aussie. What's he doing in, uh, in the revolutionary, uh, movies. That's fucking gay. Anyway, uh, I think that dumb Aussie should go do some penal colony independance movies and, and stop worrying about the Scottish. Uh, #5. Fifth and final question. Christina: Alright. Knox: Uh, comic books, uh... respectable medium or contemptably childish waste of time? Christina: Childish washte of - UH!! Knox: God damn right. (TO JESSE) How come you don't agree? Jesse: Cuz I read comic books, I've been reading them since I was twelve, and I - Knox: W-what's your name? Jesse: Jesse. Knox: Jesse from... Jesse: Staten Island. Knox: Jesse from Stat - uh, w-w- uh, defend comic books, if you would. Jesse: There not childish. The stories that they have in them are very adult and contemporary. They're not made for kids. They are mature story lines. Knox: Uh... Christina: Well, yeah, people flying through the air, like, with, people with the ability to fly through the air, that's childish to me. That's not real. I'm sorry. No way. Jesse: It's fantasy. It's fantasy. It's not immature. There's a difference. Knox: Uh, compare that to the literary giants... You know, like Faulkner and uh, and Hemingway, um... you know, if, if you compare that to like, you know, Spiderman, uh... gay. Jesse: Completely t - Christina: Gay! Jesse: Completely different mediums. Not comparable. No art in the literary giants. Knox: Well yeah, cuz one, one is considered, you know, they get Nobel Prizes, I haven't seen anyone get Nobel Prizes for a fucking DC comic, you know what I mean? Jesse: But it's like comparing apples and oranges. I'm not saying the literary giants are bad, they're certainly not. I'm just saying comic books are a completely different genre, but they're still very respectable. Knox: I would agree. I would agree, in, in the same way that... Jesse: And, and there is a comic book author, Neil Gaiman, whose won a Pulitzer Prize. If in, I think. I'm not positive. Knox: For comic books? Jesse: Yes. For one of his comic books that was put into prose form. Knox: Alright, but, the, okay, so you got in, in college, you know, they, they talk about uh, all the literary giants, like we were just talking about, but I don't know too many uh, you know, ivy league colleges, that talk about like, like Marvel and, and Dark Horse, uh, because, those are, the, it's really a genre for, uh, for, uh, school kids. Jesse: I go to Seton Hall University in New Jersey, and we took, we have a comic book course, and it was very informative. Knox: Uh, on that note, who would win in a fight: Steven Hawking or Walt Disney's freeze dried, disembodied head? Jesse: (laughing) (still laughing) Steven Ha- (laughing)-awking. In the wheelchair. Knox: Answer the question. Jesse: Steven Hawking. Knox: Answer the question! Jesse: Steven Hawking! Knox: Uh, one more, uh... name one celebrity you'd like to fight. Jesse: Bob Cos - Bob Costas. Knox: Bob - why? Jesse: You ever watch him do an NBA game? Knox: He's a brazilian jiu-jitsu purple belt. Jesse: Wh(laughing)wh(laughing)what!? Knox: He studies under Renzo. Jesse: I didn't say I'd win, I just said I'd wanna fight him. Knox: Renzo Gracie, he fights under. He fights in Japan. Jesse: Well, then, uh, maybe I wouldn't wanna fight him. He'd kick my ass. Knox: Thank you for your time. Did, are you aware that I am the, the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness? Jesse: Wh - say it again? Knox: I am the, I am the Bringer of Truth in this Age of Darkness. Jesse: And you come to hardcore shows for this truth? To bring this truth? You might wanna expand your bringing of truth to bigger audiences. Knox: Enough. Enough. I'm done with you. Jesse: (laughing). |