Kurosaki Hisoka is the forgetful type.

Not many who know him well (and there is actually only quite a few) would say that about him; in fact, they would actually say that he is the opposite. Kurosaki Hisoka would remember even the tiniest details, especially when it concerns their cases. People, with Terazuma Hajime topping the list, will say that the word 'forgetful' would more aptly describe his partner Tsuzuki Asato, but never Kurosaki Hisoka. The younger shinigami would remember things people forget (or would like to forget): that there was a staff meeting the next day; or that Watari-san had hung around the lobby longer than usual, therefore making that particular place unsafe for the moment; or that it was one year ago today that Konoe-kachou had broken his leg because of the cream Saya had spilt but no one had tattled about. Kurosaki Hisoka never forgot anything.

Hisoka, however, knew otherwise.

He knew he would only remember some of the most important things, not those moments that he deemed insignificant to him.

For example: he forgets his own birthday. Ever since Tsuzuki had learned of the particular date, he had managed to find a way to shove three different slices of cake down Hisoka's throat with Hisoka wondering the whole time what he had done to deserve such torment.

He also forgets that he had promised himself some time ago never to yell at his partner anymore. Ever since he had witnessed Tsuzuki welcoming death through Touda's flames, he had told himself, "Never again, I won't make him feel unwanted." But something always goes wrong and he forgets this quite often.

Most of all, he also forgets he had learned never to touch anyone. A long time ago, he had promised this to himself and had followed it as his own strictly private rule. However, ever since he died, he had begun to touch people freely, let his fingers brush against their skin, and sometimes during that fraction of the moment he would recoil and remember as he struggled to wash away emotions and memories that felt like they somehow belonged to him. The rule was broken often when he was with Tsuzuki.

He does not blame himself for this. After all, what does one expect from someone who had forgotten how he had died?

Hisoka blamed it all on Muraki Kazutaka of course, and because of this he could easily hate him. Hate him for making Hisoka forget lots of things, especially since he quite remembers a time when he could remember every detail of his tormented solitude. He fancies there is still a barrier in his mind that Muraki holds, that some bandages remain unwrapped due to the curse that Muraki had begun to peel away the first time they met when Hisoka became a shinigami. He wishes it was so.

Because Hisoka can only remember the important things; and because of the things he remember, he can calculate and find the expected outcomes of vital situations. He only remembers things that have something to do with himself:

That the man who murdered him was his monster and savior, and Hisoka would someday become him as well.

Muraki Kazutaka had not known Hisoka is an empath; how could he have known? He had just arrived in the small village and was only there for his own unexplained reasons. He had probably heard of the mysterious child of the most powerful family in Kamakura but had not minded it; it was not in his plans.

So during that night Hisoka ventured into the sakura grove near Kasane's Lake and witnessed the murder, he had felt two emotions: fear and sick pleasure. They radiated in such interwoven waves that it made him physically sick, made him fall on his knees and scream and tear his hair out. Even when one of the emotions died, he was still screaming hoarsely.

Then Muraki had been next to him. The emotion that came from him was something Hisoka did not expect. He had expected surprise or even determination. He had definitely not expected that intense hate.

Unbidden, emotions and memories flowed into him and he would have screamed again if it was not for the cool palm against his mouth and for that sharp knife suddenly pressed against his throat. He wanted to tell the man to kill him then, to cut his throat because no one would notice, no one would care, but Muraki had said wonderingly, "You are beautiful."

When Muraki had raped him, Hisoka could only feel one emotion then: disgust. He knew, somehow, that the hate was not because of Hisoka's innocent wanderings causing an abrupt change of plans; indeed, he could still feel Muraki's marvel even with the lust and fury muddled together. While the dagger carved pain over his skin, he knew that Muraki hated him more than he could hate anyone else in the whole world.

He knew that hate and remembered it, tucked it in his mind, kept it in his heart, even while he pleaded for Muraki to stop.

Hisoka knew he was not good in begging someone to stop hurting him, but he was good in remembering everything about hate.

Then a new confinement began, and Hisoka began to forget things. Hours felt like days; sometimes days like hours. Those were trivial days, important only in their transition that will lead to more important and remembered days. He remembers that he had moved to another room in a part of the house where servants still seldom ventured. He remembers that his father had once carried him to his room after they had exhausted six hours of nonstop training in the dojo. He remembers that event because his father had whispered something to him that then made no sense: "Hate is your strongest weapon; your enemies shall bow before your anger."

And he remembers the day Muraki Kazutaka came. The doctor, all dressed in white, politely speaking with his mother and father while Hisoka lay on his futon, trembling at the waves of amusement and undisguised hate that rolled from the murderer, mingling with his father's steadfast relief and dread and his mother's uncertainty and...something else he could not define.

Since then, Muraki became his private physician and tutor. He came everyday, mostly when no one was around. In that room, he reworked and perfected the curse, raped him constantly, made him read books, and learned of Hisoka's secret that none of the servants knew. The discovery both amused and angered Muraki further. He would sometimes hold Hisoka throughout the night, despite the boy's struggles, intensifying his emotions.

"I hate you," Muraki had whispered to him one time.

When he realized Hisoka could not answer, he continued, "You know why?" The man traced his jaw, smiling down at him. His silver hair fell thickly over the eye Hisoka knew was glaring at him, his touch further making Hisoka recoil with pain. "Because you are a doll."

If Hisoka could speak, he would have asked why but Muraki had gone on: "Your face is etched with all that I had undergone. You are everything I am just as I am everything you are to become. For you, there will only be the path of vengeance and hate. You will be like a puppet, continuing to dance on someone else's strings even as you pull others' strings. You will only destroy yourself as you seek to destroy those who have sought to destroy you."

Hisoka had looked up and, with all the hate he could muster, spat out, "I hate you!"

"Of course you do," the amused doctor told him, leaning down to press his lips against the boy's, knowing it would further render him useless. "And because of that, you will become stronger."

Hisoka remembered that it was almost like what his father had told him once.

"You will despise yourself, boy. You will abhor your very nature. You will detest the very path you chose. But it will be the only road you will tread." And here Muraki had paused; for the first time, Hisoka felt his exhaustion. "I know because that path was the only one stretched before me."

After that, Muraki Kazutaka had learned to shield himself and his emotions. Hisoka would have forgotten the conversation, would have buried it under all the hate that he should remember about that man. But Hisoka remembers significant things. Even if he had forgotten them, they always came back to hurt him.

Hisoka remembered Muraki's words again when he killed Tsubaki-hime.

He remembered that he would destroy himself and those he found important with his very hands because of the anger that would envelop his every thought. When he threw himself into Tsuzuki's arms he remembered that it was not right to depend on Tsuzuki, to keep on wanting to hold on to him, because he would ruin his partner with his thirst for vengeance just as he had thoughtlessly ruined Tsubaki-hime.

But by then, Hisoka had become forgetful and had remembered too late.

He remembered that curse Muraki had uttered as, well when he threw himself to the intense fire and begged Tsuzuki to live for his sake. By then Tsuzuki had already agreed, and it was again too late to take those words back; even after, he could not find himself fully regretting it. Piece by piece, he was beginning to understand that Tsuzuki had become Hisoka's puppet just as Hisoka was Tsuzuki's.

Hisoka etches in his brain that Tsuzuki had given up because of Muraki's need for revenge but Hisoka's slow descent into becoming Muraki's mirror will break him apart until none will be left of them both but hate.

That is why Hisoka remembers Oriya Mibu's words: "Boy, if hate is the only thing that drives you, you will never be able to defeat him."

As much as he is angered by it, Hisoka treasures these words and holds them close to his heart. One person--even if it is only one--has told him there is hope for him yet. Even if it is against his father's words, even if it is against Muraki's, Hisoka thinks Oriya Mibu had become that monster but had mastered his fury and controlled it. He would be like Oriya Mibu, the master of his own fate, and not resign himself to Muraki's doomed path. He would continue to hate his father but he would not let that hate devour his beliefs.

Hisoka resolved that he would not be manipulated by his fear. Instead, he will be ruled by his need to protect.

But Hisoka is forgetful and he knows it. That is why he tries to speak this promise to himself everyday whenever he wakes up, or repeat it before he sleeps. To help himself remember, he summons the memories of Tsubaki-hime's plea, of Tsuzuki's weary soul, and of Muraki's condemned life.

Hisoka forgets a lot of things, but he remembers important things. Now, he remembers smiles and laughter, people and places. He remembers touches that hold no malice and warmth that has nothing to do with rage.

Those are the most important things, the most significant things. Hisoka knows those will help him when the time comes when he would have to choose between abomination and salvation.

Hisoka is not likely to forget the things he remembers anytime soon.