"If I were to even touch that small source of light, I would probably break."
   - Tsukasa from "Tokyo Crazy Paradise"

"I promise...!"

Two small hands held together by their pinky, and the two owners smile at each other. The taller boy grins with self-satisfaction and the other looks shy and uncertain. Beneath the giant cherry blossom tree they stood, two young boys reciting the ultimate pact.

The Pinky Promise.

"I, Fuuma Monou, promise to protect you, Kamui Shirou!" The taller boy gestures immediately. "Come on."

"I," the smaller boy hesitates to say, "I--Kamui Shirou, promise to protect you, Fuuma Monou." He smiles suddenly, as if he has accomplished a difficult task.

Fuuma smiles at him and quickly gives him a hug. "We'll always be best friends, won't we, Kamui?"

Kamui doesn't answer, only stares at something behind Fuuma's back.

Fuuma frowns and he gives Kamui a slight shake of the shoulders. "Kamui? Kamui, hey, I said we're going to be best friends forever?"

The other boy's gaze reverts to him once more. "Yes," he whispers, eyes wide in horror. "We'll be best friends."

"Forever!"

Kamui's eyes widen and he raises a hand.

The sword comes down, slashing Fuuma's body into half. Blood spat from the split flesh, the body of the small child falling uselessly on the floor. His face is still contoured into a smile, one hand's pinky still held high.

The person smiles at him, a dark and evil smile. "Say forever, Kamui," he says.

Fuuma is dead.

"...forever," Kamui whispers before he falls into a heap.

*

Who are you?

Subaru Sumeragi stops in the void, looking around. There is nothing in these thoughts now, not even memories. Only locks of golden hair falling everywhere.

Who are you? Why are you here?

Subaru holds out a hand to the darkness, wishing for something to hold on to. Oh, Kamui, don't you remember me? "I am...I am Subaru Sumeragi. And...I've come for Kamui."

You intrude in his mind. Go away. He does not wish for your help.

"He doesn't want my help," Subaru murmurs. "But he needs me."

He falls silent, looking around sadly. The void looks very much like the one he had fallen into when his sister died, and when his love had killed her. The same darkness, the same emptiness filling him. But no one had come to pull him out of it, not even his grandmother. No one. He had coped with himself.

Why has he come?

"For Kamui." He closes his eyes. "I've come for Kamui."

Kamui is dead. It is the heart speaking, the heart beating each word to his chest. He cannot hear, can only feel the words. Kamui died when he saw the other Kamui kill his love.

And around him are heads, all with different expression, all with the same sorrow and face. Kotori Monou's face. Her brother has killed her. Her brother killed Kamui as well.

"Aren't you Kamui?"

The voice is detached yet full of sorrow. Yes. I am Kamui. I am his heart.

"Why doesn't he speak to me? Why you?"

All his heart is in grief now. No one can pull him out.

Subaru's fingers clench tightly to a fist. "I can," he replies determinedly. "I can pull him out. I can help him."

He chose this.

"I will bring him back!"

But why? Why should you? Why do you care?

He stops. Why...?

"Kamui," he whispers. "Kamui."

There is no answer. The heart slows to a rhythmic beat, a slow and silent breathing that horrifyingly signifies that the owner has stopped breathing. Subaru presses a hand against the dark air, not surprised to learn that it has already grown a wall around him. He stands and watches.

You...please, leave. The heart speaks now with weariness that pleads to be obeyed. I don't need anyone...only Kotori. Only Fuuma. Please...leave me...

"I have to help you," Subaru says softly. "Please, let me help you."

Why? The heart becomes hostile once more. Yes, why do you care? Why should you? Because I will decide the End of the Earth? Because I am Kamui...the one who has the power of God? Is it your obligation--?

"Stop it!" But Kamui has succeeded. He has provoked a response needed to bring more negative feelings to the grief. Subaru closes his eyes. "Kamui...I wish to see Kamui. Not Kamui who will decide the End of the Earth...but the Kamui...the child."

Another fearful moment passes as the heart contracts and shifts to enter a Dreaming. Subaru holds out his hands once more and touches the throbbing wall that separates him from the outer Dream. He waits.

And then, before him, appear two children, their pinky fingers joined together as a sign of friendship.

I'm going to protect you, Kamui!

And I, Kamui, will protect you, Fuuma!

But Fuuma is dead! Fuuma is dead!

Subaru watches in fascinated horror as the sword mangles the small body, pulling it away and slamming it to another nearby child, the golden-haired Kotori. The girl's face, then lighted with happiness, turns into pain and disbelief.

"You promised!" she whispers brokenly. "You promised me...You promised Oniichan..."

"NO!" Kamui screams. "No! No! No! Not you...NOT YOU!"

"Aa!" Subaru dives forward, surprised he is able to move quickly within the Dreaming. His arms pull Kamui into an embrace. "Cover your eyes, for the love of God!"

But it is too late. Kamui is as solid as stone, his skin cold and his face bathed with sweat; his arms lay limply at his sides; his knees already haking with grief. Subaru pulls the child, trying to protect him with his arms, his body, his clothing. Gods! Don't let this happen to him. Once is enough. I should be enough.

Fuuma stands behind him, and Subaru does not need to turn to know that his eyes are as cold and calculating as...No! He will not remember those eyes! He desperately tries to push Kamui's head down but, as if the boy is made of rock, he stands motionless, staring at Subaru's back.

I...

No!

...will...

NO!

...kill you.

NO!

Kamui lashes out and Subaru grabs his arms. "Fuuma!" he screams. "Come back!" He begins to sob, the tears falling and disappearing into the eternal nothingness. He falls on Subaru's lap. "Kotori, Fuuma..."

Subaru stares down at him then, gently, slowly, uncertainly, he begins to stroke his hair. Kamui's silent sobs heightens. Finally, Kamui looks up, seeing him probably for the first time. He sniffs, crystalline tears falling from his lashes.

"You..." The nine-year-old Kamui begins, then stops, confused. "You...who are you?"

*

Kamui's eyes are shaded; there is still a shadow.

"Who...are you?"

Subaru smiles gently, revealing his old self. "Subaru Sumeragi."

"I...don't...know..."

The omyouji's smile begins to fade. He moves to touch the boy's face but he cowers in fear. "No!" he cries out. "Don't kill Fuuma and Kotori...please! I'll promise you anything. I don't...I don't break my promises."

Promises.

Life is full of empty promises.

Subaru's heart slams painfully against his ribs. Kamui's lower lips tremble slightly.

*

"Do you believe me?"

Kamui stares at him silently. Subaru grabs his arm, uncaring when the boy flinches at his grasp. "Listen," he said quickly, "we don't have much time. We have to get you out of here. This is a dream. This is the 'worst'. We have to get you out."

"...But it suits me."

Feathers flying through the darkness. Subaru keeps his eyes trained at the boy's. "You don't belong here," he whispers. "You should be in the real world."

"But if I return," the other continues, "Kotori will die. And I will still be the one chosen to kill..."

"Fuuma is dead," Subaru states flatly.

Kamui's eyes widen. "You can't say that!" he gasps. "He's alive, I know!"

Subaru shook his head. "No," he says. "His body may be alive but his heart and mind has already been taken over by other forces. We don't know what. We don't know how. But, Kamui, you are alive. That is important...isn't it?"

But even his words sound hollow to himself and he does not blame Kamui for staring at him with such doubting eyes. He bows and smiles at the child and reaches out a slim arm to touch Kamui's tear-stained and bloody face. "You are fascinating."

And Kamui breaks into sobs.

"I don't want to be anything," the boy rages. "I don't want to be anybody! I want my friends back even if I die, even if I cease to exist!"

Kamui...

...is disappearing...

...right before his eyes.

"No!" Subaru whispers frantically. "No, don't leave! Don't leave me!"

*

Everything comes in a flash.

*

a fire lit from a lighter

*

love

*

He lunges forward once more and embraces the boy with all his strength. "No, don't leave me, Kamui."

"But I don't want to be alone," Kamui's voice echoes around him, hollow, painful. "I want to be with 'someone'...I want to be 'special' to only one...as I was 'special' to Fuuma and Kotori. Not as 'Kamui' but as me..."

A lump forms in Subaru's throat. "You're 'special' to me," he whispers, weeping at the body of the dead boy in his arms. "You've always been 'special' and I never realized..."

But it is already too late. Kamui is dead and there was nothing he can do.

*

"Subaru, come back! Oh, please, come back."

Yuzuriha Nekoi's voice fills Subaru's head and he groans to himself. A hand touches his shoulder gently, and for the first time of his life, he doesn't shrug it away. When he looks up, it is Sorata Arisugawa staring down at him, smiling.

"Yatta," he tells him softly.

Subaru hesitantly returns the smile. "What happened?" And then he remembers and looks down, fighting the sobs that rise alarmingly in his throat.

"He came back," Arashi Kishuu says from behind Sorata. "He just came back and embraced you and he said thank you."

Subaru's head shoots up. "Where is he?" he asks.

"Burying Kotori's body." Arashi is silent for a while, eyes looking clear. "I think we should give him some little time, don't you?"

"Yes." Subaru whispers to himself. A little time. "I think so as well."

"How did you do it?" Yuzuriha asks, bending down and feeling his head.

Subaru does not resist the touch and he actually smiles a genuine smile. Special. "I told him...I..."