Taka Sukunami sat underneath a Maple tree. He watched silently as the children played, lovers walked, people laughed...as life went by.

Taka opened a bag of Gummi Worms and began to eat.

~ * ~

"Stupid building, stupid room, stupid Judo," Taka grumbled as he walked up the stairs. He had a hard time looking for the Sports Center. His perception of the Sports Center was different from its actual appearance. The Sports Center was actually a building, not a field nor a gym Taka was expecting. The room assigned for Judo was in the 2nd floor.

Everything was going well...until his mother caught him playing hooky. She made him come here for the Judo lessons which he shouldn't have taken in the first place. He knew he couldn't handle Judo. So why was he here?

"Because Mom said so," Taka grumbled. He was still not over the fact that he had been coerced to take the lessons that when he found the room for Judo, he yanked it open.

A beautiful woman greeted his view. She had blue eyes and long blond hair that was tired up in a ponytail.. Her eyebrows were drawn together and it was a scowl on her mouth. Even with this expression, she managed to look stunning.

Taka realized that it was an expression of concentration on her face. He became aware that she was in the middle of a match.

Her opponent launched forward, shooting his arm, aiming to punch her. She moved sideways and caught his arm. In one swift motion, she threw her opponent.

Taka's jaw fell open.

~ * ~

Taka was lying on his back, trying very hard to catch his breath. He must have seen the room upside down for at least fifty times. It wasn't very pleasant.

I hate being fourteen and being a weakling at the same time.

Coach Ina's face loomed over him. He was shaking his head. "You obviously need help, boy." This was said not unkindly. "Okawa," the old man called, motioning the blond girl from the match earlier to come.

Taka sat up almost too eagerly. If she was to help him then...

"I want you to help him," Coach Ina said, looking at Taka. "Teach him the basics." The coach emphasized on the word "basics". Taka wondered what "basics" meant.

Okawa nodded solemnly. The coach left them.

Maybe Judo isn't so bad after all, Taka thought on how lucky he was to be tutored by a pretty woman. She was probably too old for him but, hell, a little crush wouldn't hurt, right?

Taka's eyes fell on Okawa's chest. It was only then that he noticed that she was... Flat?

Taka looked startled. He thought that the blond woman caught him staring but she only gave him a peace sign. Or at least that was what Taka thought it was.

"Two days," Okawa explained in a voice that was definitely not of a female. "Two days to think about pushing through the training. But I suggest you quit now."

At first, Taka was too stunned to respond. When he finally got over the fact that he almost had a crush on another man, Okawa's words sank in. His shock was replaced by anger. "Are you telling me that I can't make it?"

Okawa did not respond. He turned and walked away.

Taka knew that Okawa was right but to say it directly to his face was something he couldn't take. Without giving it much thought, he stood up and charged the blond man who turned in surprise. Okawa was nearly a foot taller than he was that Taka's punch landed on his abdomen. "I don't need two days," he growled.

Okawa almost lost his balance. His mouth quirked. "So, a yes then. I can't believe this. You're weak, you're reckless, and to top it all, stupid." He straightened up. "Meet me tomorrow at the park. Nine o'clock, sharp."

~ * ~

Kana Okawa. Age: twenty-two. Assistant Coach.

If there was one thing Taka was good at, it was research. He didn't know why he had bothered to ask around about the man who seemed to enjoy torturing him. Curiosity, he assumed.

But curiosity killed the cat, Taka thought as he picked up a can and placed it in the "cans" plastic bag.

"Basics" turned out to be picking up rubbish all over the park. And not just picking up the trash but segregating, too. He must have looked stupid, carrying those plastic bags. When Taka demanded Kana for an explanation, the only response had had given was: "Exercise. For stamina."

~ * ~

If it wasn't the clean-up the park routine, it was his groceries or his bathroom. And in the afternoon, Taka had proper Judo training with Kana. He still had lessons with Coach Ina when he was not with Kana. After all, Coach Ina was a family friend. It was partially because of him that he took the lessons. This was also the reason why Taka had Kana for a tutor or at least that was what Taka had assumed.

But it wasn't the clean-up routine nore the groceries nor the extra lessons that bother Taka. It was Kana.

Ever since his training with Okawa had started, Taka never heard a comment from him. He had not given any remarks be it positive or negative on how Taka was doing. All he ever grace Taka were instructions. Taka was getting tired. And frustrated, too.

"What's wrong with you?" Kana's voice snapped Taka back to reality. They were in the middle of a match, their arms locked. Neither made a move to throw or at least trip to pink his opponent.

"What is wrong with me?" Taka asked in disbelief, apparently still focusing on his thoughts earlier. "What is wrong with you?! You don't say anything! Just order me around. Not a single compliment came out of your mouth," he lashed out.

Yes, I am angry. He wanted to scream at Kana when the latter gave him a questioning look. Angry at Kana, angry at himself. Why couldn't he please Kana?

On impulse, Taka positioned his foot and tripped Kana. Kana fell with Taka atop of him.

"I don't understand. I don't understand at all." Taka lowered his head, his dark hair covering his eyes.

Then, Taka felt himself being pushed away gently. Fingers tilted up his chin, making him look into Kana's incredible eyes.

"Nice move, Taka."

~ * ~

"Taka!" Mrs. Sukunami called as she placed her groceries on the table. Without waiting for the usual "Yes?" response, she proceeded with what she intended upon telling. "Coach Ina says that you've improved a lot. Your father will be so proud! Don't you think so, Taka?"

It was odd. Mrs. Sukunami did not hear any howls of triumph nor "Can I quit now?" questions. Only a faint scrubbing sound was the reply she heard.

Scrubbing?

She decided to follow the peculiar sound until she found the source.

Taka was on his knees, scrubbing the bathroom tiles.

Bewildered, Mrs. Sukunami asked her son, "Why are you cleaning our bathroom?"

Taka looked up at his mother and smiled. "Exercise. For stamina."

~ * ~

"If I tell you that I've been lying about the clean-up routine what would you do?"

They were sitting underneath the maple tree, enjoying the comfort it offered.

Taka managed to coax Kana into skipping practice. At first, Kana was reluctant to agree but Taka "persuaded" (whined?) really hard that Kana finally gave in.

"Then Ill make you buy me Gummi Worms," Taka replied playfully. He opened a bag of the said treat and started eating.

Kana's smile was faint. But it was there.

Taka offered Kana some candies but the latter declined. "Why did you take Judo, Kana?" Taka stopped eating and turned to his blond companion.

An expression that Taka could not understand appeared in Kana's usual calm pale face. His blue eyes looked as if he was watching something distant.

"In Judo, you use your own weakness against the strength of your enemy," was the soft reply.

Taka stared at Kana, pondering on the latter's answer. "I don't understand."

"What about you?" Kana asked briskly as if he needed to change the subject. "Why the park? Other people who cut classes would find a more subtle place as hideout."

"That's easy." Taka popped another Gummi Worm inside his mouth. "When I'm here, I don't mind waiting."

~ * ~

Another day, another practice session.

They were at the Sports Center. Classes were over for that day but Kana decided that Taka should practice a little more. After all, the promotional exam would be held in just a few weeks.

Taka groaned, whined, and complained a lot but he obeyed.

There was only one condition: if Taka could pin Kana for 30 seconds, he could go home.

It was getting late but Taka was still in the Sports Center, sparring.

Taka shot out his arm, intending to punch Kana. It was against the rules, he knew, but he desperately wanted to go home. He was out of candies, he reasoned. But it was the way Kana was tacking him that added fuel to his desperation...

Kana caught his arm and did a hip throw. He watched as the younger boy struggled to get up. "Looks like you're not going home," he approached his young opponent and crouched next to him.

Taka tried to get up but his body refused to follow. He groaned as he laid back on the mats. Kana's face loomed over him, his lips curved into a smirk. Taka interpreted the expression as, "Just give up."

"It's not over yet, Okawa. Rules say that you have to make me give up or at least pin me long enough to score a point," Taka pointed out, hoping to wipe away the smug look on the blond's face.

There was am ischievous gleam in Kana's blue eyes. "We'll see about that." He suddenly bent down and claimed Taka's mouth.

Taken by surprise, Taka lay there, his mind focusing only on Kana's soft lips brushing his. The kiss deepened.

Suffice to say, Kana scored a point.

~ * ~

Taka stared at the key. Kana gave it to him. He knew that it was the key to his apartent but he did not figure why Kana gave it to him.

Was this his way of proposing? Taka hoped so. He didn't want the kiss they shared in the workroom to be their last.

But there was one thing Taka could not understand. Even though Kana showed his affections in little ways, such as giving him candies, the blond-haired man never attempted to kiss him again. This made Taka confused.

Sighing, Taka placed the key in his pocket. He picked up his spoon and dug it to his sundae and swallowed a spoonful of ice-cream.

It tasted good.

The ice-cream parlor was packed. Taka was sitting at his favorite booth near the window. From where he was, he could see the coffee shop just across the street. He liked eating his sundae while watching other people drink their coffee. It made him wonder what coffee tasted like. But nothing could beat ice-cream, he supposed.

Taka had already eaten half of his ice-cream when he saw Kana who was on his was out of the said coffee shop. Taka leaned closer to get a better look but instantly regretted that he did.

Kana was kissing a woman.

Taka returned to his sundae and continued to eat.

It didn't taste good at all.

~ * ~

It was raining.

Taka shouldn't have come here. He didn't know why he was here. He tried to convince himself that he was here because Kana'[s apartment was near the park. But after what he had seen earlier, his logic was torn apart.

Oh, give it up already. It's not like you have something special, you know.

Taka sighed and stood up from the couch he was sitting on, dropping the towel he'd used earlier to dry himself. No point in staying here.

"Leaving already?" Kana emerged from the bathroom, wearing only pajama bottoms.

Taka swallowed hard at the sight of a topless Kana. He gave himself a mental shake. He had to leave.

Kana's eyes flickered over the untouched jar of candies on the table. "You haven't eaten the Gummi Worms," he noted.

"I'm going," Taka said flatly, heading towards the door.

"Why?" Kana walked to where Taka was, laying a hand on the younger boy's cheek. "Is there something wrong?"

If Taka had not seen what he saw, he would have believed that it was true concern in Kana's eyes.

Taka took Kana's hand away. "I saw you," he stated. "In the coffee shop. Kissing someone."

There. He had said it. Calmly as he hoped to deliver it. But when Kana regarded him solemnly, he exploded.

"So that's it, huh? Just a game. You play this often, don't ya?" Taka asked sarcastically. "Tell people lies to get them to kiss you." Then he laughed bitterly. "You know what's so ironic? I believe you even though I didn't understand. 'Use your own weakness against your enemy.' Huh! From the look of things, it's the other way--" Taka stopped in mid-sentence; his head turned sideways. A hand flew to rest upon his cheek.

Kana had just slapped him.

Taka was an obedient child. His mother had warned him about the "F-word" and forbade him to say it. But for today, he made an exception.

"Fuck you!"

This earned him a good punch. Taka had not yet recovered from the attack when Kana executed a hip throw. Straddling above him, he pinned the younger to the floor.

With eyes constrained by his blond hair, Kana said, "I was saying good-bye. I wasn't lying. And," he bent down to whisper, "this is my weakness."

Taka gasped as Kana sealed his mouth with his.

~ * ~

The shirt was too big but it served its purpose well.

The shirt belonged to Kana. It was the only way they could think of to hide the bruises.

As Taka neared his house, he saw his mother waiting for him. His hand flew to the opening of the shirt, fastening it.

He had not prepared an explanation for the teeth marks.

~ * ~

They skipped the morning practice. This time it was Kana's idea. Taka had no complaints.

Instead of going to the park like they usually did, the couple decided to stay in Kana's flat and have brunch. They had a very busy morning that they did not have time to think about getting breakfast first.

Kana watched Taka take a sip from his glass of milk. "You do realize that I'm eight years older than you," he stated.

"I know, I know," Taka said. "You're old and I'm young."

"Too young," Kana corrected.

"I don't think there's anything we can do about it. You've already raped me, you know," Taka said teasingly.

"And you turned out to be a very willing victim," Kana returned.

"Then there's no need to feel guilty." Taka reached out to give Kana's hand a squeeze.

There was a brief pause. Then Kana said softly, "I've hurt you again." His fingers brushed lightly on Taka's wrist.

Taka looked at his own wrists. Marks of the tight rope that had bound them eaelier were starting to appear. He gave his lover a reassuring smile. "That's nothing. But still, I don't understand, Kana." The smile disappeared and was replaced by a confused expression. "How can you love me and hate me at the same time?"

~ * ~

Taka did not get to see Kana as often as would want to.

Vacation was over and a new school year had begun. Taka had to quit Judo to fully concentrate on his studies. This left him little time and excuse to see Kana. They did, however, meet in the afternoon but only for a short span of time. Taka could not come home late as much as he wanted to. Weekends were not an option. Kana always had plans during the weekends. Curious, Taka asked why.

"I have to see my doctor," was Kana's reply.

Taka must have looked alarmed because Kana chuckled.

"It's nothing serious. Just a regular check-up of some sort." The blond haired man reassured.

Taka sighed in relief. Few moments after the words "doctor" and "check-up" were brought up, a thought struck him.

The bruises stopped appearing.

~ * ~

It was perfect. Taka's parents were planning to go out of town this weekend but his mother was reluctant to leave her son alone. Take conveniently suggested that he could stay at Kana's place. It took a lot of persuasion and whines but in the end, Taka got what he wanted.

Taka couldn't help grinning to himself the moment he finally reached Kana's apartment. He was about to open the door with his key when he discovered that it was already free for entrance. He frowned.

It wasn't like Kana to leave the door open.

Taka went in anyway and dropped his backpack on the couch. "Kana? Kana, where are you?" he called out. He took a peek in Kana's room and saw the golden- haired man inside, sitting at one corner of the room, hugging his knees.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Taka asked, walking over to where his lover was. He kneeled down and placed a hand on top of his.

To his surprise, Kana jerked away. "Don't touch me," he warned, his tone dark. He revealed the knife he was holding.

When Taka saw the blade, he knew that something was wrong. He slowly leaned closer and gently ran a hand through Kana's fine hair. "What's the matter, Kana? Do you want to talk about it?" he offered kindly while attempting to get hold of the knife.

"I said don't touch me!" Kana lashed out, raising his hand to attack Taka with his knife.

Taka was able to dodge but not fast enough. Kana managed to wound him on the forehead.

A hand flew to the inflicted wound as Taka gazed at Kana. Crazed blue eyes, a pale hand clutching the knife tightly, trembling figure...this wasn't the Kana that he knew.

Then, without any warning, Kana slashed his wrist.

"Kana!" Taka cried out, standing up. For a moment, he just stood there, frozen. Then, he realized that if he continued to stand there like an idiot, his lover would die. He grabbed the phone on the nightstand and called for help.

~ * ~

Taka felt a hand running through his dark hair. He raised his head that was tucked in his arms and smiled at his lover.

Moments after they had given him proper medication, Kana fell asleep. Taka meant to stay awake. But when he rested his head on Kana's bed, he drifted off to sleep as well.

Kana touched the band-aid on Taka's forehead. "I did this to you." This was not delivered as a question.

"You weren't yourself," Taka quickly said. He decided not to ask why. Instead, he said, "It's OK. It's just a scratch. Nothing compared to the blows you've given me before." He smiled.

"Maybe we should quit," Kana whispered, caressing his young lover's cheek.

Thinking about Judo, Taka said jokingly, "I think it's a little too late for that."

"I don't want to hurt you anymore." This was said so softly that if Taka wasn't listening carefully, he would have missed it.

"We'll talk about it later. Go back to sleep." Taka leaned closer to give Kana a kiss on the cheek.

"You don't understand," was the last thing he said before falling into slumber.

~ * ~

Kana was being released today.

Taka whistled happily as he walked down the hall towards Kana's room. When he got there, however, he did not find Kana there. Frowning, he closed the cdoor.

He probably when home by himself, he thought, disappointed.

On the way out, he met Dr. Linus, Kana's doctor. "Taka, Mr. Okawa's friend, right?" the doctor asked. When Taka nodded, he continued, "Mr. Okawa left early this morning. He had a plane to catch."

"Plane?" Taka echoed faintly. "Wh-where to?"

"Connecticut."

Taka suddenly felt his knees go week that he had to use the wall for support. Tears were starting to form in his eyes. His mind could only focus on what the doctor had said and the question...

Why?

"To continue his medications," Dr. Linus answered the unspoken question.

"Medications?"

The doctor sighed. "I suppose I should tell you about your friend's situation. As a child, Mr. Okawa had been abused both physically and sexually. He grew up associating pain this love. To him, inflicting pain is a way of showing one's affection. That's why he came to us."

"Kana..." Taka couldn't stop the tears. His heart went out to the abused and confused child Kana had been.

"Bt four years ago, he stopped coming for his regular consultations. He said that he did not see any improvements. We were surprised and happy to see him again. He did it for a weak, reckless and stupid Taka Sukunami as he would say." The doctor chuckled. "How did you convince him?"

"I didn't," Taka replied blankly. Then it hit him.

I don't want to hurt you anymore.

"I see. I understand you know, Kana."

~ * ~

Taka Sukunami sat underneath a Maple tree. He watched silently as children played, lovers, walked, people laughed...as life went by.

Taka opened a bag of Gummi Worms and began to eat.