"Sorry"
Is all that you can't say?

"Hiei."

I turn my head and see him, my old lover, standing behind me. I know he has been watching me for a few minutes now, but I don't say a word. I turn back to the view.

"Hiei...it's me."

"I know." My voice is harsh, even though I didn't mean for it to be.

There is silence, then he says once more, "It's been a long time."

I do not answer.

"Hiei..."

"Why have you come back?" The wind blows to us, and I hate him for still having his beauty, for him coming back. And I hate myself for continuing to feel this way even though he...I have left him.

"Hiei, I..."

"Cut the crap, Kurama. Tell me."

I hear him sigh. I wait for his answer.

"Hiei...I'm sorry."

Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like "sorry".

"'I'm sorry?' After all that's happened...after all you've done...you're SORRY!?" I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice and the impassivity in, but I seem to lose control when he's near. "You're sorry!"

"You have to believe me...it wasn't my fault."

"Yes," I tell him, trying to calm down, "it wasn't your fault that Yukina died. It wasn't your fault that YOU were the one who used the rose to kill her. How appropriate, isn't it, Kurama? Rose for your loved-one. Rose to kill."

"I wasn't myself!" he protests.

I whirl around just as he takes a step towards me. "Don't come near me!" I warn him. "I have a sword and I'm willing to use it."

He hesitates, then obeys. "Hiei...I did it for you."

"For me." I laugh. "You killed my sister for me."

Kurama bows. "It's different. You should know that she was possessed...and I had to protect you and the others."

"Why you?"

"Because she asked me to. She wanted it to be me. I don't know why she chose me, but I did it because I loved her!"

I turn away.

"...Because...I love you..."

"Forgive me"
Is all that you can't say?
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily.
Like "forgive me".

I am speechless after his declaration, but I shake my head and smile to myself. "You always have a way with words, Kurama. You always make me want to believe you."

"I want you to believe me now!"

"Why after all these years? Why now?" I desperately want to believe him. But a part of me is unwilling to give myself to him. He hurt me then, he could hurt me now. After he killed Yukina, he didn't even apologize. But then, I never gave him the chance...

"I thought...it would've stopped hurting by now."

I shake my head. "You THOUGHT it'd stop hurting?" My voice drops to a whisper. "No one can take away the hurt."

"Believe me."

'I want to,' I think. 'I really, really want to. But I can't...why can't I?'

"I--I know it's hard to believe this, but I kept my distance from you because I thought you hate me. I guess--you do."

"Yes." But I close my eyes when I say the word. I don't want to even see a sign that he is hurt...don't want him to see that I hurt too.

But you can say "Baby,
"Baby can I hold you tonight?"

I love you still, Kurama. You don't know what you've done to me. What I don't want to feel again. I'm so scared. So, so scared. I lost my trust in you after that event.

"You--you hate me."

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"No." His voice is a whisper. "No--I just never thought I'd hear it from you."

"What DO you want, Kurama? You said you're sorry. Is that all you want To say you're sorry? Why haven't you gone away yet?"

My heart...is breaking...all over again...

"I just wanted you to know how I feel. That I'm sorry for what I've done. That I love you always. That would never change."

'I don't WANT it to change,' I think. "You've said enough," I tell him, still not looking at him, afraid of the emotion that might seep through my voice.

"Not enough to make you believe," he says sadly. "I wanted so much from you. I wanted you to be with me forever. I wanted you to love me."

I hesitate. "Do you still want them?"

Silence.

"I'm not so sure what I want anymore," he says in a very soft voice.

Baby if I told you the right words
At the right time
You'll be mine.

"If you had said this a few years ago, I might have thought it over...might have forgiven you."

"You mean--you can't forgive me now?" His voice...when did it become so emotionless?

I shake my head. "I don't know...you did this to me, too. Can't think straight. After all that happened."

"I wish...it'd been different." Suddenly, his hand is on my shoulder.

I stiffen, but do not draw the sword as I had promised. Instead, I begin to tense as I used to when he is near me. My heartbeat begins to race and the wind howls through my ears.

After all these years, he still has this affect on my.

"I wish I was better. I wish Yukina hadn't been possessed...or that I wasn't chosen. But no one can change the past, Hiei. I did what I had to do. We can only change the future. Let me try again, Hiei, please."

I bow my head.

My heart has become ice. But it is slowly melting with him.

I wish for those, too. But I can't forgive him. I promised myself and Yukina this.

"I love you"
Is all that you can't say?
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like "I love you".

I want to forgive him. But why won't they form? Where are those words when I need them? There are the feelings, but I can't tell him.

I pull away from his grasp and turn to him. "Kurama..." I look up at his green eyes, where his feelings are shown, every inch.

He watches me for a minute, then shakes his head, giving a bitter laughter. "I thought...I was so stupid to think you'd want me back. I see that now."

I want him back...want him in my arms. But I can't tell him. And now, he's not helping.

"I love you so much, Hiei," he whispers. "So much that it hurts. Nobody can fill that empty space in me."

I look up at him. I know how he feels. 'Remember Yukina!' I scold myself. 'This is the person who killed your sister!'

But...

"It's not very original," he continues, "but it's the best way to describe how I feel. It's not as close, but I wanted you to know..."

"Kurama...you don't have to..."

"I WANT to say it...I want to say it for the last time...I love you, Hiei."

But you can say "Baby,"
"Baby can I hold you tonight?"
Baby if I told you the right words
At the right time
You'll be mine?

Last time.

Part of me continues to harden, but part of me becomes too desperate that I have trouble keeping myself from throwing my arms around him once more like before.

"It would've been different," he says longingly, a sad smile on his lips. "But I guess this is how it was meant to be. I don't want to dwell in the past, but I do it because I love you." He laughs. "And now, it's not at all appropriate to say those words."

"Yes...maybe...it would've been different," I tell him. 'It still CAN be different...Hiei, tell him what you feel!' But I hold back. I'm too scared.

He shakes his head. "No point in thinking about it at all, now." He looks at me, straight in the eyes. His green ones are full of feelings that I want to say but don't know how. "Goodbye, Hiei."

I close my eyes. "Goodbye, Kurama."

He turns and walks away, the wind still blowing at his long, red hair. The color of the rose that killed Yukina...

Somehow, Yukina's death is now just a painful memory. Right now, everything that is happening is more painful than any agony I've ever felt.

Kurama.

He is walking away. From the cliff. From the world. From my life...

You'll be mine...?

...forever...