"Are you really such an idiot?" Youji blurted out one day.

And everything changed.

~ * ~

Youji Kudo didn't know when he started to like Ken Hidaka. And that way, too. He'd always fancied himself to be the womanizer so it came quite a shock to learn that he liked Ken more. A crush. A stupid crush. After all, Ken was cute and he was kind as well. Youji liked those qualities in him. After a while, he got used to the warm glow inside him, the little voice that told him he was happy whenever he saw Ken.

But Ken wouldn't know, Youji knew. Ken had his moments of rare realizations, but Youji's feelings would never be one of them. Youji Kudo, everybody's big brother, the flirt, going after Ken Hidaka?! His friend...and another male to boot!

Besides, Ken liked Aya. Aya, the silent one, the quiet one in the group. Ken never said it but Youji knew this as well. He saw how Ken always favored the motionless man. Always asking him little favors that Aya always refused...wherein only then will he turn to Youji and ask that favor (and Youji always agreed). And Aya always ignored Ken's little act of friendships. Youji couldn't understand what Ken saw in Aya but then, he didn't like Aya that way.

Although he IS kind of cute, the little voice that spoke to him admitted. Youji just shrugged it away.

So Youji didn't like Aya. Big deal. He never really liked the man, and they always argued. Almost all of Aya's longest sentences belonged to their conversations that turned to shouting matches until either Ken or Omi Tsukiyono pulled them away.

So after one particular argument over a broken pot, Ken looked at them, annoyed. "I can't believe you two," he told them, kicking at the soil on the ground that was the cause of the disagreement. "You argue about the littlest things!"

"It's his fault," Youji muttered, leaning against the counter.

"You're acting like a child," Aya retorted.

Youji knew he was but he couldn't help it. "You always say that."

"Because it's true, idiot."

"Stop it!" Omi shouted. "Or I'll point the water to your direction." He was handling the hose to water the flowers to be displayed that day. Since neither was really enthusiastic about the idea of being of being wet, they shut up.

Ken sighed. "I have to take care of the delivery. Since I don't want any of you to be with each other, Aya, can you help me with the loading?"

"Who made you boss?" Aya asked grumpily.

Youji threw up his hands. "Will you just go him already?!"

"I'm not taking orders from either of you!" Aya shouted.

"Oh, I forgot, you are our leader, aren't you?!" Youji yelled back.

"I'll help," Omi volunteered, pushing Youji and Aya away to see Ken clearly.

Ken hesitated, then said softly, "Omi, the objective of that action is to keep Youji and Aya apart--"

Omi grabbed Ken's arm, surprising the other. He shot a glare to Aya and Youji's direction. "And the objective of mine is to keep me apart from them. Are you taking me or not?!"

"Um...sure." Ken shrugged, gave them one last look, then said, "I expect the mess you two made be cleaned by the time we return," he admonished before closing the door to the direction where the motorcycles were being kept.

Youji sighed. There went Ken and his chance to be alone with him and just...come to think of it, what would he do? And Ken hadn't even asked him to go with him. Somehow, in his and Aya's arguments, Omi was always the one who found a solution. Or something near it.

His reverie was broken when a long stick was shoved before his face. He blinked. It was a broom. "What?"

"Clean up, jerk," Aya muttered, keeping his eyes averted to the broken pots and scattered flowers and soil.

Youji ignored the name but nevertheless, he grabbed the broom and started to sweep. They worked in awkward silence for a while. There were no customers; the daily high school girls had not yet been dismissed. The wall clock ticked menacingly and the sound of dirt being cleaned ruled for some time. Youji kept sneaking looks at Aya who didn't appear to notice or, if he did, chose to ignore it. Suddenly, he realized what Ken saw in Aya. Damn.

"Are you really such an idiot?" Youji blurted out.

Aya froze and turned to him, his glare icy. "And what," he uttered quietly, "do you mean by that?"

Youji stared down at him; the redhead was kneeling on the floor but he now got up to face him properly. Youji leaned on the counter, arms crossed and broom in hand. "I'm talking about Ken," he told him.

A flash of confusion appeared on Aya's face for a brief moment before disappearing again to the icy calm. "What about Ken?"

Youji was annoyed. Do I have to spell it out for him? "He likes you."

"So?"

"So...aren't you going to do something about it?"

"Like what?"

Youji sighed. Ays was being deliberately difficult. "I don't know. I thought if you liked someone, you show it."

"I don't," Aya replied with his usual aloofness, "like him." He turned away and returned to work, stopped, then turned to Youji again. His eyes were wide. It was strange. Youji never saw him like that before. "You...LIKE Ken, don't you?!"

"I do not!" Youji replied hotly but he could feel the blush rising in his cheeks.

Aya noticed this and, if possible, his eyes grew wider. "You do!"

"So...so what?" Youji countered, clenching his broom and turning away. "He likes you. I don't stand a..." He stopped and shifted from feet to feet. For a while, he busied himself with the flowers, wondering what Aya'a facial expression would reveal now. He wished he had shut up. He'd just willingly thrown Ken to the arms of his mortal enemy. What on earth had he done?! He opened his mouth to speak again but when he turned, Aya was already gone.

So was the dirt.

Youji sighed again. How stupid could he get?

Then, suddenly, there was a sound from the storage room. Youji turned and saw Aya standing there with a strange expression. It was one that showed up before they were given their missions, before their jobs of assassination--determination. But it was topped with...what? Youji didn't know. He felt a flicker of fear and backed off.

Aya walked to him slowly. "I'm not the only one who's such an idiot," he told him harshly before grabbing Youji's dark brown hair and pulling his head down.

Before Youji knew it, Aya was already kissing him.

~ * ~

The chimes rang quietly and the girls squealed. "It's Omi-kun and Ken-kun!" they cried.

Omi blinked. The nearby high schools must've been dismissed already. Behind the counter was Aya, ignoring the many girls drooling his way. He looked around. No Youji.

Apparently, Ken noticed this as well. He excused himself through the mob of girls and asked Aya, "Where's Youji?"

Aya shrugged. "Out."

"Did he say where he was gong?" Omi asked.

Aya shook his head. His fingers punched the buttons of the cashier quickly, harshly.

"Did you have another argument?" Ken asked, scowling.

"Ken!" Omi reproached,

Aya glared at them both, then turned to the girl beside him. "Are you going to buy?" he asked, voice barely masking his frustration.

The girl looked frightened for a while before finally placing a plant before his face. "This."

Aya shrugged and went back to work.

Ken and Omi exchanged glances.

~ * ~

Youji wondered how the people would react if he threw himself to the pond. They'd probably think he was some kind of weirdo. Or a drug addict. He wondered if he had the nerve to give it a try. Then he remembered the dirt swimming underneath the pond and through better of it.

Aya kissed him.

He did the next best thing. He pounded his head on a nearby tree.

Why, oh WHY did Aya do that?! Youji felt like crying. He had never felt so confused in h is life. Aya knew Youji liked Ken! How can he even DO THAT?! Everything Youji believed about the silent man was shattered.

And WHY did Aya kiss like THAT?!

Like that particular train of thought. Aya simply does not know how to kiss. Solid, rock-like, libido-unconscious AYA does not know how to kiss. Or so Youji had thought. But Youji knew experience and Aya DID have experience. And Aya kissed like a damned experienced lover.

It was so humiliating that Youji didn't do anything.

He didn't kiss back. He didn't pull away, nor push Aya away. He was too stunned that the soft, urging lips were on his--AYA'S lips--that he had just stood still. Finally, it had been Aya who pulled away, staring at him with questioning eyes that were turning harder by the second. Then--and only then--did Youji's thoughts begin to return. He followed them. He grabbed his jacked and ran outside.

And now, here he was, sitting beside this little pond in a park. It wasn't even a goddamn park, it was a hospital lawn! Why on earth did he run to this place?! He had no idea. He just did.

Youji finally stopped pounding his head when he realized it already hurt. Gingerly, he touched his forehead and predicted it probably wouldn't swell. He hadn't been banging hard enough. Some kids playing some kind of ballgame were staring at him, as if he was some kind of weirdo. Maybe he was. Somehow, he felt like one, ever since Aya kissed him.

Oh GOD! Youji resisted the urge to bang his head again. Instead, he stood and began to walk around. He didn't know where he was going. It seemed he had lost his head again. He walked around and around, occasionally stopping and taking the bus or train to some place, then taking another route.

So it was kind of a surprise when, four hours later, he finally found himself standing a block away from the Koneko. It was already dark, and a glance at his watch told him it was already nine. Nobody must be there. They closed at eight. So he continued.

Apparantly, he was wrong, as was the case the whole day. He saw a slim figure locking up the front door. A squint told him it was Ken. Youji felt worse. Talk about bad timing.

"Youji!" Ken sounded surprised and a little pleased. "You're back!"

Youji studded his hands in his pockets to search for his cigarette pack. "Yeah, well, came to get my stuff. What're you doing here?"

"Closing," the other told him truthfully. Then he scowled. "Where on EARTH have you been?! We were worried sick!"

"Were you?" Youji mumbled, frowning at his jean pocket.

"Omi especially. He made me sit here and wait for a whole hour until you return." From the tone of his voice, Ken didn't sound happy about it. "As if it was all my damn fault."

You don't know the half of it, Youji thought, finally straightening and letting his search for his cigarettes end in vain. "Yeah, well, I'm here now. You can go home."

There was a silent moment between them as Ken shuffled his feet. "So...um...anything you want to talk about?" He sounded nervous.

Youji's heart raced. What...? "Like...?"

"Like why you ran off?" Ken blurted out.

"Oh. That." Youji shrugged and leaned on the window, averting his eyes. "I needed to be alone."

"Did...you and Aya fight again or something?" At Youji's scowl, Ken rushed on, "It's just that there's a strain in your relationship."

"I don't like Aya," Youji told him flatly.

Ken blinked. "Oh. Um...I guess he knows that, doesn't he?"

He does, Youji bristled angrily. And if he doesn't, he'll know. With my fists! "I think so. So you can have him."

"ME?!"

At the shocked tone of Ken's voice, Youji looked up. "What? Don't you like Aya?"

Ken began to sputter. "Aya?! What made you think...of all the..."

"So you DON'T like Aya?" Youji was beginning to get confused.

"NO!" Ken shouted.

"And you don't have anyone else in mind?"

At this, Ken reddened. "Well...no one..." He paused and Youji searched his face. His friend was lying. Ken saw the skeptic look on Youji's face and mumbled, "Omi." His voice was barely a whisper but Youji heard him. It made him weak. Terribly weak.

"Oh. Omi." He racked his brain for something else to say. Suddenly, everything became clear: why Ken kept asking either Aya or Youji for his favors--because he felt uncomfortable with Omi in the workplace; the look on Ken's face whenever Omi volunteered; why he was sitting there, waiting for Youji--because Omi asked him to! Youji smiled. Yes, everything fit. "Ohhh...Omi."

At Ken's scowl, Youji stopped chuckling. Instead, he settled for a grin. He shrugged and crossed his arms. "Buy you a drink?" he asked softly.

Ken's expression relaxed but it was still suspicious. "Why?"

"Because, my friend," Youji told him quietly, "I believe we're going to have a lot to talk about."

~ * ~

"Is Ken or Youji back yet?" Omi's voice sounded strained at the phone.

Aya fought the urge to slam down the receiver. "This isn't their house and I wouldn't exactly worry," he told the younger boy coolly. After closing, he had gone off to a long walk. His car was in the shop, having been spray-painted by local punks. After arriving home, the phone had rung immediately, revealing it was Omi. But it was already the fourth time Omi called.

"It's already nearing eleven," Omi almost wailed.

"They're big boys now," Aya said. "They can take care of themselves. So don't bother." Before Omi could say any more, he put down the receiver as gently as he could. Resisted the urge to throw it to the wall. Damn Omi and his stupid worrying!

Anyway, Aya rationalized, Ken and Youji were probably hitting it off well by now. He could only hope that Youji kept his big mouth shut about what he had done. If he did, he'd evaporate as quickly as he could.

He snarled at the TV and turned it off, cutting the conversation of two characters. There was no point in thinking about Youji. Youji already had Ken.

And where on earth did Youji get the idea that Aya had a thing for Ken?! That was one of the reasons why Aya liked Youji. He got under his nerves so much that even looked forward to arguing with him! But he had seen how close Ken and Youji were. They were already friends. That was the reason why he had acted as he did. And early, too, without even thinking about Youji's welfare. He wanted to tell Youji his feelings before he became entirely someone else's. He had no idea Youji actually liked Ken. But then, he had no idea how to proceed rationally with things like this. Assassination plans he could handle. Confessing his love for someone was better left alone.

He glanced at the clock. Ten minutes after ten. It felt like ten hours.

Aya opened the fridge, grabbed a beer can, popped it open, and gave a long swing. But he straightened and stared down at the ominous tin can, lifeless in his hand.

Then he flung it to the wall right above the sink.

It made him feel a little better.

~ * ~

"YOU'VE GOT A LOTTA NERVE!" Omi shouted when Ken walked into the store the next morning.

Ken stopped and stared at him. "What?" he asked, a puzzled look shadowing his face. He stared this way at Omi first, then Aya for help. He made a mistake. Aya's face was darker than Omi's expression. He quickly looked away. "Huh?"

Omi jabbed a finger at him. "You and Youji! You two have a lot of nerve making me worry for you all night! I can't believe you never even called me to assure me you're all right! You...you...you made me worried...and I couldn't sleep...and I went all over the city just looking for you--" He was already blabbering but his expression was still fierce. "I even called Youji but his answering machine was the only answer..."

"Geez, sorry for making you worry," Ken said, looking sheepish. "Youji and I went out for a drink and didn't come home till midnight." He turned to Aya, still confused. "Hey, Aya, did we make you worry, too?"

Aya didn't answer but the pen he was holding made loud scratching noises on the paper.

"Drinking till midnight?!" Omi cried. "Is that why Youji still isn't in yet? Ken!"

"It was his idea!" Ken defended.

Omi threw up his hands. "Alright! I'm sorry I overreacted but I still wish you contacted me. After all, I made you sit here all night."

"Just one hour, Omi," Ken reminded him. "Anyway, I didn't think you were still awake that late. Next time, I promise. Okay? So lighten up?" He gave a grin that Omi and Aya scowled back at. Clearing his throat, Ken went on to the storage room. "Ohh...kay...I'm gonna get some fertilizers."

"What about Youji?" Omi called back.

Ken stopped, turned, and raised an eyebrow. "Omi, if you assume I'm Youji, and I went drinking last night, would you still find me in the shop first thing in the morning?"

"Bloody Christ," Aya muttered.

Omi threw up his hands and gave up.

~ * ~

For the second time in two days, Youji found himself walking towards the hospital. His outlandish clothes drew some attention from the nurses, but he found what he was looking for immediately and he quickly entered that private room.

He saw the teenage girl lying on the bed, oxygen mask over her nose and mouth; her wrists and hands were pinned with IV and dextrose. Her chest heaved slightly, indicating she was breathing, but her eyes remained closed.

Youji leaned against the bed and stared down at the girl. She looked nothing like her brother.

"Is your bro really like that?" he asked the silent figure. "Does he do everything impulsively?" He grinned. "Does he even care if he ruins someone else's life, as long as it isn't his or yours?"

He looked out the window. "I'm sorry. I'm Youji. You don't even know me, but I've seen Aya come up here often. Took me some days and a half to figure out that you're his sister. Never even knew the bastard had one as pretty as you. If I wasn't so screwed up, maybe I'd go for you...whaddaya say? One day, you and I date?"

Then he laughed. "'Course, your brother might have a fit." He raised a hand to his lips and touched it. "He kissed me, you know. It was stupid. I shouldn't even be telling you. But I thought that maybe you could help me figure him out. I mean...why'd he do it? Is he really such an idiot? Or am I the one who's fooling myself?"

He reached out and touched the girl's hand with his right. Smooth. Unlike Aya's, already callused and worn from the sword. Hands that sinned. He quickly pulled away. He shouldn't touch Aya's sister. He might throw Youji out.

"I think he's pretty cute. Charming. Silent. Can't understand him most of them time." He frowned. "But then, never got to live with him most of the time. You know Ken? I like him, too. He's cute, too, and I guess it pretty shocked me that I also like guys. But...your brother is different. He..."

He stopped. What was the difference? Why was Ken already disappearing? Why was Aya already replacing that image?

"...he's weird. But I like him. And--I think what scared me most when he kissed me is that if I hadn't pulled away in time, I might have kissed back." He shuddered. "And I'm not ready for anything serious. Ken wouldn't have been serious, I know now. It would have been just a...fling. But not Aya. Aya wouldn't take 'flings' and it's scary."

He stopped talking and looked down. No movement. No wondrous miracles, nothing. He smiled. "I hate being scared, you know. It takes a lot from me. Don't get me wrong, I think having your brother as a permanent part of my life should be wonderful, in some ways...I guess..." He scowled. "I just wish he didn't kiss me so suddenly. It scared the hell outta me."

He stared at the girl for a while, then straightened, arranging his shirt. "Well, gotta go. If I don't show up in the shop in a few hours, they'll think something happened to me. Nice talkin' to you, Fujimiya-san. Hey, never found your real name. I'll look it up next time, so I can call you something nice. It must be really nice, something like Aya, right?"

He smiled, waved: "Ja," then walked to the hallway.

And Aya opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom.

~ * ~

Youji entered the shop with a new vengeance and a promise. He would not act weird. He would not have anything change. He would not freak out.

Easier said than done.

He heaved a breath and entered.

"YOU!" Omi howled.

Youji cringed and shot a glance at Ken. The younger man bit his lip to keep from grinning and he gave a small wave, then slit his throat with his thumb as a sign. Youji winced and turned to Omi. "Yo, Omi-kun! How're you this morning?"

Omi glared at him. "You should know by now that it's not morning already, Youji Kudo. Where on earth have you been?"

"Geez, Omi. Cut the nagging."

"I was just worried," Omi muttered, turning away from them to the plants. "I just wish you two keep your heads on so your friends won't worry."

Youji walked up behind Omi and slipped an arm around his shoulder. "Okay. I'm sorry. We're sorry. Aren't you, Ken?" He turned to the other man and found him scowling. He grinned back. "Well, Ken, aren't you gonna apologize, too?"

"I already did," Ken told him sharply.

Omi shrugged away Youji's arm. "While you're at it, you should apologize to Aya, too."

Youji's heart skipped a beat. "Was he worried, too?"

Omi shot him a weird look and dumped a bag of fertilizers on his hand. "Well, you know Aya--"

"That means a 'no'," Youji joked, turning to storage room. "Speaking of Aya..." He let his voice trail away as Ken and Omi shrugged.

"He went out for a while," Ken answered. "He said he'll be back soon."

Youji frowned, then turned away. What did he care where Aya went? He should be grateful he wasn't there. So instead of replying, he just shrugged and went on to put the fertilizer at the back. He switched the light on and took careful steps forward so as not to step on other things. He was just arranging the bag when he heard the shop door open and close, and a deep, familiar voice say: "He in yet?"

"He's at the back," he heard Omi reply. Footsteps. Then, hesitantly followed by: "Try not to make a big mess."

"Omi!" came Ken's voice. "They're not gonna kill each other!"

"I know but--"

Aya appeared before the door and quickly closed it behind him. The smell of fertilizers immediately engulfed them and Youji wrinkled his nose. "Think you can open it? Can't stand the stench."

"We need to talk," Aya said tersely, completely ignoring his comment.

Youji crossed his arms. "No we don't. I need to do my work. You need to do yours. We don't need to talk." He turned away and busied himself with arranging the newly delivered supplies.

"Youji--"

"Cut it out, Aya," Youji almost shouted. "Just leave it alone!"

Aya fell silent. Too silent. After a few moments of silence, Youji finally turned, then yelped aloud when he found Aya directly behind him. He was frowning. "What?" Youji barked

"When are you going to be ready, Youji?" Aya asked him quietly.

"Never," snapped Youji, then he flushed when he realized he was actually entering Aya's game. "Look, I just want to forget all about it.I'm willing to forget about it. I'm willing to forgive you. I'm willing to forgive myself. So let's just let it go, okay?"

"I don't want to let it go," Aya told him.

Youji threw up his hands and sat on one of the cartons. "Aya, I'm sorry. You're right. I like Ken. I really like him. But you know what? I was wrong about Ken liking you. It turns out he likes--"

"Omi," Aya interrupted.

"Yeah, he does. Wait--" Youji frowned up at him. "How did you know?"

"I figured it out last night." Aya stared down at him. "Youji, you can't keep running away from what I did. You can't keep hiding. I was--" He hesitated, and Youji was surprised. He'd never seen the other man hesitate. "I was in the hospital room."

Youji waited. Aya waited. Then, the older man's eyes widened and he began to sputter. "Y--YOU! You were there?! Inside?"

"I was in the bathroom," the redhead admitted. "You came in while I was inside and I heard you."

Youji groaned and buried his head in his hands. "I can't even talk to myself anymore?"

"Excuse me," Aya replied coldly, "you weren't talking to yourself. You were talking to my sister. So maybe I do have the right to listen."

There was an awkward silence.

Then, Youji said softly, head still bowed: "I'm sorry, Aya. But I'm not so sure if it'll work out."

"I--" Aya started, then, thought better of it. He kept quiet.

"Don't you see? We can't even have a natural conversation without arguing. And we have our work. Our missions...you have a life ahead of you. You have your sister to look out for. You don't have to look out for me. You have a chance to start all over. I don't."

Pause. Then, Aya's fingers cupped Youji's cheek and forced him to stare up at his eyes. He looked serious. "I have no idea how you came up with such a thought," he told him quietly. "But for one thing, how do you know that we wouldn't make it? How do you know that I have a chance to start all over? How do you know you don't?

"And one thing," he continued when he saw Youji was about to protest, "I'll decide whether I like watching out for you. I've been doing it for God knows how long now. I look out for my sister. I look out for myself. Let me look out for you; even if you don't want me too, I'll still end up doing it."

He let a smile touch his lips and Youji's breath froze in his throat. He had never seen Aya smile like that. "And about our arguing: I like arguing with you. Not everyday, though. You keep me so frustrated and so worked up that I sometimes don't know whether to punch you or kiss you."

Youji gave him a small smile. His fingers slipped on Aya's chest, clenching his shirt. "Well then, we're arguing. Kiss me."

Aya blinked. That sounded like a welcome. But he couldn't believe Youji was suddenly melting. "Wait--are you sure you know what you're saying?"

Youji frowned. "Don't make me repeat myself, Aya. It's already hard to admit I like you too."

"I just thought you'd make me suffer more," Aya admitted. "I'm just surprised you relented so easily."

"Why, is it so hard to believe I can actually like you back?" Youji demanded. "For your information, I--"

Aya leaned forward and kissed him.

They stayed that way for a while, Aya's lips on Youji's each struggling to maintain their states and all the while already losing themselves in the kiss. After a few moments, they separated and Youji licked his lips, tasting Aya. He smiled. "I think I'm beginning to look forward to all arguments," he joked.

Aya kissed him again, then murmured, "Maybe I was being such an idiot. I'm sorry."

Youji grinned and pushed him against the wall, then rested his head on his chest. "Hey. Everyone has those days." He looked up. "And you weren't the only one being such an idiot."

Aya kissed his forehead. "Yes, well, I guess I shouldn't have rushed you."

"Rushing me was the most un-idiotic thing you've ever did," Youji assured him softly. He held up a hand to Aya's cheek and smiled. "Thank you."

~ * ~

"Think they're already dead?" Ken asked worriedly, looking at the direction of the storage room.

"Don't even think about it," Omi replied. "They probably just need some time to smoothen out their disagreement yesterday. Give them some time. Besides, we haven't heard some things break yet."

As if an answer, there came a crash from the storage room.

Simultaneously, they winced and turned to each other, before rushing to the storage room door. "Youji! Aya!" they yelled. "Don't hurt each other much!"

"We're not!" came Aya's muffled voice.

There was laughter that sounded like Youji's, but it was cut off.

Omi and Ken exchanged glances.